Social Media Do’s & Don’ts

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eyes computerAm I the only one in a love/hate relationship with social media these days? At times I find myself spending too much time on sites such as Facebook and Twitter, and being less productive in my personal and business goals as a result. Does that sound like you? In order to overcome this challenge in the new year, I’ve created some social media guidelines in order to discipline myself and the time that I spend on such sites. These suggestions for participating online are my attempt to intervene social media addiction. Having an online presence is a great networking and marketing tool for business; finding like-minded groups of people with similar hobbies/interests; and for staying in touch with family and old colleagues. However, individuals should assess the time they spend online and if it’s making him or her counterproductive. An intervention may be necessary; as I mentioned in an article post on Yahoo Voices, “Social Media Burn Out: Do You Need An Intervention?”. It is my hope that these unspoken rules will help me maintain focus and monitor time spent online for greater productivity in my life because “time is money”. Enjoy!

1) Do give yourself a weekly or daily time limit. It can be addictive; so all day everyday is not cool. There’s a real world going on outside of social media.

2) Don’t use it to communicate with close family and friends—unless it’s only for fun.  Talking on the telephone is more intimate, and sending a text message is more personal than communicating online; even in business.

3) Do use it for positive social networking, business connections, and promotions. You never know who you might meet that can invest in your business idea or become a potential client, customer, business colleague, or employer.

4) Don’t use it to “vent” about your personal life or personal business unless it’s funny lol. Remember every one of your FB friends or Twitter followers is not necessarily your real friend; some of them are just lurkers and “haters”.

5) Do use it to keep current with media, social, and world news; especially if you don’t have a TV like me. I’m going to get one of those antenna devices this year and get some local news and TV programs running so that I know what’s going on in the world.
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6) Don’t over-post random shit. Your Timeline is constantly being bombarded by randomness from you, your friends, celebrity and support group pages you follow. Give it a rest sometimes. If you are annoyed by some of the same posts that you see all day everyday, people are probably annoyed by your posts as well.

7) Death to the “Selfie”. I am guilty as charged on this one. If you must take selfies, pictures of yourself, personal photo shoots in your bathroom, just text the selfie to a friend, boyfriend, or girlfriend. Resist the urge to constantly post them on your social media sites; even Instagram, because some people are lurking or could be stalking you without your knowledge. I’ve watched enough “Criminal Minds” and “Lifetime” movies to believe that serial killers do exist. I have over 100 selfies stored in my phone and all of them have not been posted online, but many of them have. I’m thinking of deleting some of them off of my Facebook page and saving them to my computer’s hard drive. If you happen to go through an introverted social media phase, don’t become the “lurker” or stalker yourself because you really don’t have time for it.

8) Don’t use it as a public display of your relationship status especially if it changes weekly and “it’s complicated”. Social media has turned us all into V.I.P.s so stop being the headliner of the day or week. I’d love to change my status from “single” and post lovey-dovey pictures, but I have none to post. Suit yourself on that one.

9) Do use it to check-in with old classmates and networks from past jobs, church, or groups with whom you’ve been affiliated . Your former colleagues may have job leads or information about a city to which you want to relocate. I believe in its inception some of these social media sites were created for these purposes only. There was one called “Classmates”. It pre-dates Facebook. Also, I remember when Facebook first began, you had to be a college student or in one of the school networks in order to join the site. Now it’s open to everyone and everything. Social media has definitely changed in the last ten years.

10) Don’t believe everything you see or read on there. Everyone is not who they say they are online. Don’t feel bad if your real life doesn’t match your online life. I believe in stretching the truth and acting as if to become all you desire to become; thereby creating the life that you desire. However, you don’t have to become a totally different person as some people online are doing. I believe this tidbit of advice will help those who are considering online dating, certain job posts, or Craigslist advertisements. Just be cautious overall when dealing with people you meet online. You won’t know who’s who until you actually meet them in person.

Goodbye 2013!

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newyear14It’s almost over! Woo Hoo! Around this time every year, most of us are excited to cross over into a new year. Why? What makes the end and beginning of the year so different than any other time of the year? I believe it’s because  of our belief that the beginning of the year, or first month of the new year, gives us a clean slate. We feel that we have a chance to set new goals for our lives. I have retired the practice of making New Year Resolutions. It seems that resolutions are harder to keep so in 2013 on January 1st I made a “New Year Wish List”. Guess what? It was very effective as I checked things off of my list throughout the year. There are a few things that I did not check off, but that has given me an opportunity to do some reflection over the past year, that end of the year review, and re-evaluate what I want to accomplish for the upcoming year. As I stated in my recent YouTube VLog, my biggest 2013 lesson was knowing and walking in my Life’s Purpose. This is really all that matters for me in this lifetime. I know my purpose, and now I must walk in it.

I allowed the basics of life to distract me from my overall life’s mission and goals. I know that I’m not alone when it comes to the distractions that life will throw your way. You will be tested and tried. There were certain situations that I thought would turn out differently for my life, especially over the past two years since moving back to my hometown, St. Louis, MO. Through it all, God, the Creator of the Universe has been guiding me toward a Higher Purpose and Calling. My biggest challenge over the past couple of years has been learning that having a life purpose, we all have one or more if/when we realize it, is more important than job status; relationship status; and income. When I think about my book, that I self-published two years ago, and its message, this is its prime message. Find your life’s purpose and pursue it! Geez, I could be so much further along on my path, if I would just take my on advice right?!

Well, enough is enough! I’m ready to pursue and mow this thing down! I’ve had enough of being depressed or sad about my life conditions! I’m ready for change! Are you ready for MAJOR changes in some areas of your life? Is it your finances, career, or love-life? It may be all of the above. You can do it! And why not start in the new year? We have to plan for it and set the goals; we have to write out a new vision and fresh approach to how we are going to achieve what we truly desire from life. You know how fast a year goes by so start today!

action14I also had to continue to learn that loving myself is also apart of my purpose and yours too. Self-love; life purpose; and pursuit of your own happiness is a life long journey. Life will challenge you in every area or maybe just the areas in which you need to grow. As you become stronger in the areas where you are challenged, the challenges become easier and you overcome them. As we go through the new year, it’s important to remember how you felt during the tough times. Those were learning opportunities. What can you do differently in the new year to prevent or prepare for tough times and challenges? You have to allow the tough experiences to make you stronger and better with faith in God and yourself. That’s what I’ve done. It’s easy to get down or have a pity party, but that will not bring you prosperity but only more negativity. Let’s vow to focus on what is going to bring us the results we desire for 2014. As with New Year Resolutions, the New Year Wish List takes some work and action. It is great to have a long list of wishes, desires, and even a vision board, but faith without works is dead. We must take action on what we want to manifest in our lives.

Here’s something different you may want to try, make a Self-Love Mission Statement and Self-Love Affirmations. When we love ourselves, we will not settle in any area of our lives. For example, your goal may be to see financial or an increase in your career. You can affirm and write out a mission statement such as “I love myself and want to see a financial increase in my business. Therefore I will take daily actions to work on my business goals, blogs, networking, services, and events.” Your goal may not be for business but for your health. You can write a similar but different statement like “I love myself and want to lose weight and take care of my overall health. Therefore I will eat healthy foods, exercise, check-in with my doctor, and commit to an overall lifestyle change”. Are these sounding too much like new year resolutions? Whatever you want to call them, the consistent theme is that you must take action. Not just in January, but you must make a commitment to what you desire to see change in your life all year long. Print your mission statement and affirmations out and place them in multiple places where you can remind yourself of your goals everyday. You may even want to just focus on one goal at a time; or take a holistic approach by having multiple goals to loving yourself and your life in the new year.

selflove14I’m very excited about what the upcoming year has in store! I’m making a commitment today to seeing my vision come to fruition! I look forward to hearing about your new year plans. Love you all and wishing you LOVE, Good Health, and Prosperity for 2014! Also, if you have a Self-Love; Dating; or Relationship question please reach out to me for my “Ask Dr. Rae” segment. I will address your question via YouTube or my blog here. Feel free to Tweet me @raeluvs2write or on Facebook at drraelovecoach or email at dr.rae31@gmail.com which is also my paypal address if you would like to purchase a signed copy of my book “Journey to Self: Journey to Love”. Happy New Year Everyone!!

Self-Love Girl of the Month, Crystal Morton Hill

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What a year folks!  We have officially crossed over into September; closing out the Summer, and approaching Fall which is my favorite season, right after Spring!  Why do I love the Fall? Well because September marks my birthday month, the beginning of Fall, and Libra Season.  The Fall is for Harvesting!  What does the word harvest sound like to you?  ABUNDANCE!  Yes, I’m talking preparing for a Season of Purpose that we’ve worked so diligently for throughout the year.  This life is like a rollercoaster and a Six Flags Theme Park!  We must ride the Tidal Waves of life as they roar through!  Can you keep up?  Our Summer was heavy as we had to muddle through the typical growing pains and ins & outs, literally, of relationships.  Some relationships ended; some budded; and some, well stayed the same.  For the month of June, “Self-Love Month”, we did some inner-investigating while dating.  Once July hit, it was every woman for herself trying to figure out, “what’s this thing called life again”?  “Does my life have meaning, and am I living my purpose”? What is my purpose, again?  Sometimes life is like that, just up and down as you grow and learn and experience relationships, challenges, good times, bad times, and situations; even in your career.  I know that some of you are like me trying to figure out how to get your money up, or make a career transition without disrupting your family and home life or your whole life in general.  Let’s just face it; some things are in our control and some things are not.  We have to trust the Infinite Wisdom of our Divine Creator every step of the way!  So how do you do it?  How do you navigate the winding road of life while maintaining your sense of purpose?  Allow me to introduce a young woman who has traveled that bumpy road of unexpected events, and how she has maintained purpose through it all; my “Self-Love Girl of the Month”, Ms. Crystal Morton Hill!
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Ms. Morton Hill is a Birmingham, AL native who possesses an extreme drive and zest for life.  She obtained her Bachelor’s degree in Business Administration from
Talledega College; Alabama’s first private Historically Black College and University (HBCU) in Talledega.  Crystal also achieved a Masters in Public Administration; with a concentration in Emergency Management from Jacksonville State University in Jacksonville, AL.  Further, she is also a proud and active member of Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority Inc.  Ms. Hill told me that she always wanted her own business.  She just didn’t know what it would be; and that’s how she chose her first degree’s major in Business.  As a result of her desire to live out her life’s purpose and start her own business, Crystal is the CEO and Founder of her own company Jazzy Jewels by Crystal!  Jazzy Jewels by Crystal includes Ms. Hill’s custom-made, uniquely designed, and creatively expressed jewelry pieces for women and men.  I wanted to know her story; how long she’d been making jewelry; how she got into the industry; and at what moment she realized that she wanted to be in business for herself.

In the Summer of 2009, Crystal lost her job and almost lost her mind.  Jewelry-making became her therapy while looking for jobs.  She was also very active in her Sorority at the time.  When new women would join the organization, she’d give jewelry as gifts, “poodle charm bracelets”, to save money instead of buying gifts.  Her sorority’s chapter President was so impressed, just as her Mom, Dad, and friends had been for years, and told her that she needed to “do this BIG”.  At that point, her president’s fourteen year-old son made Ms. Hill an Instagram page for Jazzy Jewels by Crystal, and she immediately began “getting hits online”.  “I didn’t believe it!” Ms. Hill expressed.  After seeing the online attention she received from unknown browsers, Crystal decided to create the Jazzy Jewels by Crystal Facebook page.  What inspired her even more was the number of people who saw a picture Ms. Hill’s sorority sister posted on Facebook sporting the jewelry.  She was tagged in the photo, and people kept inquiring about the cost of the jewelry.  Crystal was stunned at her initial success!  In this moment, she knew that it was time to move forward with her childhood dream.
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As a little girl, Ms. Hill admired her dad and wanted to be just like him.  He was in business for himself and was a published Author who illustrated his own books.  He told
Crystal that “your name is everything”.  Therefore, she believes that you have to create a dynasty for yourself and your children; and this is her motivation for Jazzy Jewels by Crystal as well as her love for high-end fashion and creativity.  I asked Crystal if there is a need for more custom jewelry making artists.  “No, I will handle it for everybody!  I don’t want any competition! No!” she replied.  If there are too many custom jewelry designers, then the jewelry becomes mainstream, Ms. Hill informed me.  She has been well received by the industry.  They have loved, embraced, cheered, and invited her to several trunk shows all over Alabama; in Atlanta, GA; and in St. Louis, MO.  While being accepted by many designers and consumers, Ms. Hill has had to fight against some misconceptions of spectators. “I look like a Rich Bitch!” Crystal exclaimed.  It upsets her that people judge her by the way she looks; they don’t think she looks “handy” or “artsy”.  Consequently, consumers would also be surprised to know that Ms. Hill is a member of the Greater Birmingham Bead Society, where she earned the “stringing jewelry artist” shirt.  Overall, Crystal attributes her creative genes to her left-handedness.  She stated that her brain just thinks differently and uniquely.
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So what about love?  I asked Ms. Hill her definition of self-love.  “Self-love is what you do to yourself; for yourself; and with yourself”, she described.  Crystal shared that what you do “to” yourself includes keeping up your personal hygiene, going to doctors’ visits, being in the healthy zone, eliminating “B.S.” from your life, and living stress free.  What you do “for” yourself involves what you do to make you happy, and the extra things that make your day.  For example, Crystal enjoys taking professional pictures, skiing, and going to the casino, which usually involves time spent with others.  However, what you do “with” yourself are the things that you don’t necessarily need or want others to do with you; because you are doing them with yourself.  Ms. Hill likes going out to the movies, making jewelry, and going on yogurt dates.  It is a date with yourself.  What an inspiration!  When your self-love is in order, you can prioritize your life and stay focused on your purpose.

I was interested in Crystal’s future goals for her business.  Ms. Hill aspires to have her jewelry line featured in fashion runways; and to enter into mass production by offering a few custom-made items in select department stores.  “I wanna see it!” she shouted; but she doesn’t want her jewelry in small local boutiques because there isn’t room for much exposure in that type of venue.  Furthermore, Crystal informed me that she works her business “all the time” not just part time.  When people see her, they see jewelry.  Sometimes she feels that she is “on-call” like a doctor, and people expect her life to stop to fulfill a jewelry order.  Ms. Hill’s customers return because of the exclusivity of her designs for graduation, wedding, and bridal shower gifts.  She rarely duplicates the jewelry items; remaining consistent with the custom made-to-order and timeless products.
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With all of this work on her own business, I wanted to know if or when Crystal has time to date.  She jokingly expressed that she is dating her jewelry.  Ms. Hill goes on dates but is not exclusively dating anyone.  She said that she views herself as “an aggressive little ‘spit-fire’ and a “slab of marble”; “pretty to look at but hard to crack”. Crystal has to defend herself because often people try to tell her what she should be doing regarding her jewelry, but everyone has different tastes and there are so many different people.  As she quoted, “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, but talent and creativity is in thine hand”.  I’d agree, no one can tell you the “how to” for your own God-given and creative talent!  Ms. Hill is a “go-getter, uberly professional, and excited about life and any opportunity to put new jewelry out!”  She wants readers and her fans to know that “your name is your dynasty”.  She encourages, “do something in your life to make sure that your name and legacy lives on after you’re gone”. Crystal says, “jazz up your wardrobe, jazz up your life!”
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Find Jazzy Jewels by Crystal on Facebook and Instagram @JazzyJewelsbycrystal.  She can also be contacted at jzyjwl@gmail.com or call 706-50-JAZZY to place your order!

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If you are interested in becoming my Self-Love Girl of the Month or would like to recommend someone please contact me directly at dr.rae31@gmail.com; State why you or someone you know should be considered the Self-Love Girl of the Month and your definition of Self-Love.

Love ya All!

 

 

 

Life Purpose

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Loving-LifeWhat is better than finding your Soul Mate? Finding your Life Purpose… Why, you ask? Your Life’s Purpose is always with you and will always be with you! It is what you think about before you go to sleep…and first on your mind when you wake up in the morning… To many it may sound like I’m describing the feeling you have for a special person. Love of your Life’s Purpose is that same feeling; the feeling you have for your Soul Mate or someone who you believe is your Soul Mate. Why is finding and having a Life Purpose so important? Your “definiteness of purpose” as Napoleon Hill defined, gives you meaning and focus in life. Your purpose gives you something to live for. Why do you get up every morning? Why are you living? Maybe you don’t know…maybe you have drifted away from what you really love. That will happen at times; sometimes we lose sight of purpose because life can be tough. Living this life is all about our perception of what happens to us, not just what happens to us. It’s okay if you haven’t defined your exact purpose. It’s not always one thing; it can be several things. The most important aspect is that you choose something to focus on while you have time on this side of the Earth to do so.

lovelife3Your life’s purpose is something you can pray and meditate on. In fact, you may find that it is something that has been with you and in you since childhood; because God placed it in you! You don’t need to consult with anyone or need anyone’s permission to do what you feel called to do. You will feel so much better about your life once you come into alignment with this special calling. You will be excited about life again! You will not be persuaded to get down about what you can’t control; even the people in your life who you surely can’t control. You just embrace everything about you and the tugging of the Spirit of God within that’s telling you what to do. You want to be happy deep down inside, and only you know what really makes you happy. It doesn’t matter where you live or what people come and go from your life. When you are in pursuit of your purpose, when you are living your purpose, nothing and no one can get in your way. You are focused on what you need to do. It may be a calling to help others in some way. Usually, it will involve some type of help or service for others. Maybe not in the beginning. When you are fostering this purpose, it may seem as though you are being selfish because you have to take time out to prepare for it. Prepare yourself for the people you are called to help. You may be a researcher, a writer, a teacher, a police officer, doctor, or lawyer. Think of almost any occupation; think about entrepreneurs or people in business or ministry. Every calling involves a process of learning and training, but in the end, what you learn along with your gifts and talents will ultimately benefit someone else as well as yourself.

loveyourlife2So today, begin to get a clear picture about what you really want to do. Only focus on that. Focus on what you want to happen in your life and what you want to have in your life; not on what you don’t want to happen or what you don’t have… You have to trick your brain and begin to “act as if”…act as if you already possess everything that you DESIRE (even your Soul Mate). Trust God and the Universe to help you make it happen. “Don’t worry, be happy” because your life can change in an instant! Everyday affirm your purpose; and everyday look for new opportunities to pursue it! Know that ABUNDANCE is more than money. Abundance is peace, love, happiness, joy, family, and friends. Meditate on all that is good in your life and more goodness will be added unto you! It’s your life to live so start living it with a DEFINITE PURPOSE and FAITH!

Love you all!

Peace and Blessings!

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Just last week I was perusing Facebook and ran across a beautiful image.  Immediately, I was captivated by the confidence, class, and style that leaped from the page!  I became inspired to present to you my “Self-Love Girl” of the Month, Ms. Liza Wess!

Liz_1022-1_2As you know, this month I’ve been promoting the “Importance of Self-Love” via Facebook and Twitter.  I realized that this journey is not only about me, but it’s about you too.  My goal is to connect with women and young ladies everywhere and highlight real women doing real things.  How are we loving ourselves this month and this year?  And how can we learn to better love ourselves?  One key is to stay inspired.  Tired of hearing about your everyday celebrities?  Well learn about my girl who hails from Detroit, Michigan.  She’s doing her thing and breaking the mold of the modeling industry!

After graduating college in 2006, Liza returned to her hometown only to find that the real world is equipped with real trials; such as job layoffs and other curveballs that life tends to throw.  She soon learned that in order to make a real living and enjoy her life, she’d have to become passionate about something.  Her “breakthrough moment” idealized itself to her just 7 months ago; Plus-Size Modeling.  Modeling had been one of her childhood dreams that she often set aside due to “criticism” from others.  Now at 31, Ms. Wess says that she has “nothing to lose”!  She decided to take that “one step” of faith.  On Thanksgiving night of last year, Liza told her cousin that she wanted to become a Plus-Size Model; and that night became a turning point in her life.  “God places the right people in front of you” when you “place Him first”, explained Wess.  Liza told me that there is “definitely a need” for more Plus-Size Models, and that it’s not just about making money.  She has become a positive role model for young, black inner-city girls “to see” her using her “faith” and doing what she wants to do.  She has already been well-received by the industry.  Ms. Liza has worked with international designers such as Ally Styles out of Toronto, Canada; and has also auditioned for Gwyneth Devoe, the CEO of NY’s Full-Figured Fashion Week.

liz3I asked Liza to tell me her personal definition of Self-Love.  She stated “you can’t have self-love if you don’t love yourself”; “you can’t love anyone else if you don’t love yourself fully” or accept yourself.  I concur with Ms. Wess.  This is exactly what I preach.  This is what Self-Love is all about.  Learning to accept and love yourself so that you can fully love others.  Liza plans to go as far as she can with her modeling career.  She wants “whatever God has” for her to grow.  Ms. Wess knows that there are many other avenues that she can break into that will stem from modeling including television and becoming an author.  What’s most important for Liza is giving back to the inner-city community where she grew up.  She wants to show the youth “something different”.  She is currently modeling part-time under Legacy Model and Talent Agency out of Lansing, Michigan.  Although she’s signed to an agency, Liza shared that “you still have to work”.  The agency helps her find casting calls for fashion shows and photo shoots, but she expressed the need to really “network” yourself and learn as much as you can about the industry.  Ms. Wess holds a full time job, but spends her weekends working on her modeling career.  I was interested in learning about how Liza really views herself.  She stated, “a scared little girl”.  Wow!  I commended Ms. Wess for her candid authenticity, and I could definitely relate.  She expressed that the people that we see on runways, in magazines, and pictures are not always who we think they are.  She said that they are not arrogant as some may believe.  Liza proclaimed that she is out there on the runway and that she’s “scared” but she’s “still gonna do it”!

liz2Additionally, I asked Ms. Wess about her dating life because you know I’m the Love Doctor.  As for dating and relationships, Liza is so focused on her career right now that she doesn’t really want to date.  “Relationships are hard”, she stated.  I agree.  She said that she goes on dates every once and awhile but she is busy learning about her new industry.  Her final words from our energetic interview for her fans and readers were “don’t let anyone ever take your dreams away”; and “put God first and in everything and it will come”.  “Stay strong and walk in the light”.

This young woman left me so inspired as I hope she has inspired you!  I’m so glad that I had the chance to talk to Ms. Liza Wess and experience her energy and joy that she has found in doing what she loves.  This is what the journey is about!  The journey to loving yourself and your life!  Most times you will have to go against the grain and even the voices in your head or from others that tell you that you can’t do it.  But you can!  You can be as Ms. Liza!  Confident, educated, beautiful, talented, and focused on what God has called you to do!

You can find Liza Wess at Plus Size Model Liza Wess on Facebook and on Instagram.

Also at her sponsoring boutique Sole Seduction Shoe Boutique.

If you would like to be considered for the “Self-Love Girl” of the Month, or if you would like to recommend someone, email me at dr.rae31@gmail.com and tell me why you should be considered. 

 

       

Introducing Liza Wess: My Self-Love Girl of the Month!

Is Dating a Requirement?

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Is dating a requirement?  Why yes!  How else are you supposed to get to know someone?  I hope this will be my last post on this topic.  I’m starting to sound like a broken record on the ins and outs of dating; hey, it keeps me in business *wink*.  Why is dating so important?  And what is its purpose?  Do you date on purpose?  Or do you just date for fun?  I guess what I’m asking is do you date to mate?  Dating is fun!  It can get expensive and/or creative.  Expensive for the big spenders and those who really want to impress.  I’m not just talking about the person paying for the dates.  Traditionally, the guy pays for the date and the woman pays to make herself look good.  As I always say, there are things you can do for creative dates to save money and look good.  The key is to be yourself while impressing your date.
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So why do we do it?  Why do we go through all the trouble of putting our best foot forward for a potential love match?  It’s fun!  And did I mention it’s fun?  I love dating!  I love getting dressed up and going out to try new restaurants and attractions; yes even in my hometown.  Even if I wasn’t dating to mate (I’m guilty), I would still be a dater.  I am not the type of woman who likes to sit at home often.  Every once and a while staying home as well as dating indoors, dinner and a movie makes a nice date, especially after you get to know someone; and in the Winter time.  But yesterday marked the beginning of almost Summer and Holiday fun and there is so much to do! 

Are you ready?  You know the Winter months were a little rough for me.  I spent Valentine’s Day alone this year…boooooo…so what right?!  Spring has officially blossomed, and I believe that New Love is on the horizon!  (I get so excited because the warmer weather makes me feel good).  Some people say that Spring and Summer are the break-up seasons.  Well, I beg to differ!  “I’ve got Sunshine… in the month of May”.  What does that mean?  New beginnings.  What are you expecting?  We just had a Full Moon the other day.  Whenever there is a full moon, generally around the time we move from one Zodiac to the other, we are now in Gemini, we are to release what’s old and embrace what’s new.  Have you been desiring changes in your life and love life?  I have.  I haven’t been completely happy in my current job or dating life.  I have been longing for changes to happen in my career and dating situation.  I want big changes which may include a new job and a new love.  I’m just saying…sometimes relationships and jobs are one in the same.  Everything is relative and reflective of where we are in our lives.  What goes on inside of us manifests outwardly.
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I am all about encouraging us to pursue our own happiness and desires.  Where we are right now does not determine where will go in the future; only our decisions and actions will.  If it’s time for something new in your career and/or dating life, then it’s time to move on.  I’m just going to keep it real with you, if you found a better job, with more benefits and pay, or how about just something more in line with where you see yourself in your happier future, even at the same pay, wouldn’t you quit that other job? *note* (that advice is not for married people; single daters only).  Now professionally, you should give your former job a two weeks’ notice; but sometimes when it’s time to go, you gotta go!  Stop wasting time in your valuable life.  If you would move on to be happier in your professional life, why wouldn’t you do that in your dating life?  I don’t know how long I’ll be blessed to live, but I want to spend it happy and enjoying it not depressed.  It’s easier to change yourself and your life situations than it is to change others.  Don’t try to change others; do your best at being you.  I may designate this season of life “Self-Love Season”, just for Spring and Summer.  As you know, self-love never goes out of season.  We must love ourselves at all times.  When we are in right relationship with self, not egotistically, then we can be in right relationship with others.
self-love For me, I’m at an age in which I don’t want to play around anymore in my dating life or career.  I know that these things take time and patience sometimes, but when the right opportunities are presented we must move swiftly with the currents of life.  No prayer goes unheard!  Please please embrace all that is new in your life in this season.  What are you waiting for?  Make sure that you are on the same page with whom you are dating…you don’t want to scare anyone away, but if you are dating to mate, and looking for a lifetime partner, you don’t have time to waste with someone who is only looking for a temporary position in your life!
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Happy Spring!  Happy Summer!  Happy Dating!  It is not wrong to pursue your own dream life and happiness!  Good Luck!

Love,

Dr. Rae
 

Why Why Why???

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Why do we like who we like?  Why do we do what we do?  Why are we the way we are?  As it relates to dating, love, and relationships, how do we enact the process?  Are we like animals in the wild instinctively mating during various cycles and times of the month?  Or Do we rationally choose who we date and why?
animalsmating
First let’s address why we like who we like.  When we first meet someone there is obviously some sort of physical attraction; depending on the type of dater you are.  For me, there is usually a physical feature or something in the guys’ appearance that is attractive.  It could be his face, hair, accent, height, demeanor, or the way he carries himself.  Typically, these characteristics represent physical attraction, and everyone has a particular preference or type of person they are drawn to for reasons that we can’t always explain.  This phenomenon is similar to simply being attracted to certain colors or other things we like; like clothing, cars, etc.  I believe that what we like or buy somehow represents us and our personality. That would be the major explanation for why we like what we like initially.  It could be from our upbringing or how we were bred.  Some people may have been born with a silver spoon and have already been pre-exposed to knowing about the “finer” things in life.  However, if a person has never had any materialistic type of things, expensive cars, clothes, etc, he or she may seek those things out.  There is nothing wrong with exploring a different side of life.  Contrastingly, you have people who are just the opposite.  Their personality is more in line with the simple things in life.  They may even be an environmentalist type of person.  What does all of this have to do with dating?  In choosing a mate, once we move passed our animal instinct of “ooo look at the nice looking man or woman, come on let’s mate” (be fruitful and multiply) without thinking, we realize that we attract who we are.  Or is it that opposites attract?  We just like who we like; this person represents some aspect of ourselves or the self we would like to be or become.  (The two become one).
soulmates1
So how do we choose our mate? Or why do we choose who we choose?  I’ve always said that it’s easier for men than women; but the men argue that it’s not.  So once we move beyond the physical attraction of the person, what’s next?  There has to be something about the person during the getting to know you process that keeps you attracted. The relationship can’t all be physical right? Not in choosing a Mate or life-long partner.  I hope that we are looking for some substance in this process.  Maybe some are not but this post is not intended for that type of casual dater; we’ve all been there before, and this is how some choose to date.  “Willy Nilly”…you hear people say all the time that they’re not looking for anything.  Is it because they are not the settling down type?  Then you hear people say, well, I wasn’t looking for a partner when I met my Husband or Wife or Girlfriend or Boyfriend…is it because they were busy with the business of life?  It is a thin line between the two.  We must keep ourselves busy with life; however we have to make time to date if our goal is to meet our potential Husband or Wife.  On the other hand, we should not live obsessing over our Future Mate, and how we are having such a difficult time; and how we keep dating or finding losers!  Yes, I’ve been there before too.

So what is it about the potential or the men or women that you are dating that keeps you holding on and hoping that he or she is Mr. or Ms. Right?  Is it their looks? (How shallow). Is it their money, educational level, the way they treat you?  What is it?  It is a combination of things.  Does this person have a plan for their life?  Does this person want to or plan to get married one day?  How does this person really feel about you?  Are they good with money and investments?  If they have children (we’re in the 30s), are they a good parent?  How do they treat their parents or other family members?  These are important questions to ask yourself, your potential, and also to observe through this process.  Have you clearly defined what you are looking for in a Mate?  We all think we know what we want; I hope.  But still sometimes we often wind up settling…we settle into what’s comfortable at the time.  The downside of staying in a comfortable situation is that you run the risk of not really getting the type of relationship that you desire.
Young Couple Seated Back To Back
For example, when you first meet a person, they are all about impressing you.  For the ladies, the guy will take you out; show you off to some of his friends; spend lots of time with you, the getting to know you phase (in the beginning).  Then he becomes more comfortable with you and his true colors come out; now all of a sudden he says that he doesn’t have the money to go out or that he doesn’t really like to go out.  What do you do?  Is this the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with knowing that you are the type of person who enjoys nights on the town with your Man?  I’m just saying; I know that’s not what relationships are all about, but how do you deal with someone who has portrayed such extremes in your relationship?  Do we stay in that situation for supposed love or just keep it moving?  You decide…

It seems that dating takes too much work…it should be fun right?  I remember when I was in college a guy friend said that dating is expensive.  I can definitely see how that could be true from a man’s perspective.  If he’s a gentleman, then he’s all about paying for the dinner, movie, and/or lunch, the outing.  I’ve always said that daters should become more creative.  There are lots of free ways to date which happen to be more romantic than spending lots of money on food that’s not always that good anyway.  Dating, choosing, and finding our mate takes time and balance.  If you live a balanced life, then you can attract a balanced Mate.  Unfortunately, life will throw plenty of challenges at us everyday.  In our effort to stay sane, life will affect the way we interact with our potential mates.  Do you date more than one person at a time?  It all depends on if you have the time to right; and again it can get expensive.  Maybe the first or second date could be a trip to the gym or a nice walk in the park; or maybe to church.  What’s most important in dating is finding common ground.  You have to have some things in common.  No, it doesn’t have to be everything in common; that could be quite boring.  You have to be able to talk to and communicate with your ideal Mate; and you will find early on if you mesh well with or are compatible with this person.
happy daters

I always say…just be you!  Your potential will love you even more if you know who you are; what you’re willing to accept; and what you stand for!  Good luck in love and dating! And please have fun!  Stay focused; stay purposed; and Be True to You!  I love you all!
Be you2

 –Dr. Rae <3