Monthly Archives: May 2009

"Mr. Right"

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So I’ve been bumping the new Chrisette Michele in my car lately. My favorite song so far is entitled “Mr. Right”. So now I’m thinking…hmmm…who is my Mr. Right? Because Mr. Right for one is not Mr. Right for all… Well, you know I’m taking a break from the dating scene, well attempting to…in the Summer time? 😦 Booooo! I already told you about “Boos on Deck” lol…are any of them Mr. Right though…I’m remaining open to meeting him and maybe I’ve already met him…but I’m also just gonna take a chill pill…especially after those recent events that I’ve already told you about. So who is your Mr. or Ms. Right? Is he or she right in front of your face and you don’t know it. Right now, I feel like I don’t even have a clue. Wise people say, don’t look…hmmm…what do you think?

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Tirelessly Dating or Tiredly Dating??

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One of my latest Facebook status messages reads “Raechel L. Rivers is tired and done with the “Dating Game”…too many “Players”, too many “Losers”, not enough “Winners”…or “Real” Champions. But I’m still All that and a Bag of Chips…if they can’t see that…they must be blind…Kick Rocks Chumps!!” And then I went on to further post a comment that reads “Thanks Boo…see I’m feeling really unChristianlike…MFs losing their minds…but see when that Oprah $ starts rolling in they’re gonna wish they didn’t pass up the chance to be Mr. Rivers! LOL…I’ve been wanting to say that all day…What these N’s really thinkin’?…the older I get the more I don’t give a you know what…bout to put some brothas on blast!! ;-)”

This brings me to today’s topic…which I’ve been trying to vent about for weeks now…some recent events have projected me to go forth and tell it on this subject. Where to begin? To some, it may seem as though I’m tirelessly dating…not giving up on the scene and all that good stuff…giving all types of brothas a chance…yeah, what happened to have high standards right?? Hmm…I’ll come back to that later. The truth is I’m tiredly dating; well now I am. A wise friend once said in regard to having sex outside of marriage…you will stop once you’re tired. Hmm, so having unsuccessful relationships which involve sex outside of marriage is obviously hazardous to me…my well being…so why would I keep thinking that I could be successful when engaging in them?? Maybe because of society who makes it seem like this is okay…”sex outside of marriage”. I’m so tired of this topic…I’ve been speaking on it for years. Let’s see we have “Sex in the City”…I know couples who have children before even getting married…I’m thinking they made it work…why not me?

The truth is what works for some doesn’t work for all…or maybe I just haven’t found the “one”. Ok, now what does that mean? The One. Okay so now we have Steve Harvey and others telling ladies to wait 90 days…WTF? If I’m a freak and you’re a freak, let’s get it on! (Marvin Gaye) We can get to know each other later right? Wrong? Again, it just depends on the individuals. We would all like to be “good” Christians and wait until marriage for sex and/or to have children, but it doesn’t always happen that way. Due to our impulsivity to give in to the natural instinct of having sex and also unprotected sex…there is nothing natural about condoms especially latex ones. But this day in age you already know the STD speech.

Now this leads me to the story of my recent events…and why I’m done with the “Dating Game”. Well trying to be…

Okay, let me first start off by saying that single people who are dating or looking for and making themselves available for the “one”…should always keep some Boos on deck…lol, no I’m being serious. If you are not in a committed relationship, you should have options. You think I’m right or wrong? Anyway, so I don’t have a main Boo, but I have some Boos on deck…I will not say how many…Here is a good analogy; Love and Basketball…there are about five or six players on the bench…they each have their positions. I wish I could just put them all together to form Mr. Right! Anyway, sometimes these “Players” get traded you know, because they F up…become unprofitable…all that good stuff. Men don’t like to hear about women having a team of men…but do I care? No!! Some of them have teams of women…At this point, I don’t even care about the team because I’m giving up the “Game” turning in my “Player Card”.

I told an old guy friend recently that I live this way because I haven’t met that one dude who says “look Raechel, I want you, we are going to be together and that’s that”…still waiting to get to this point in life…it’s coming soon…I CAUGHT THE BOUQUET at my friend’s wedding over the weekend too!! Woo Hoo!! Anyway, this friend of mine who at one point I considered apart of my team goes on to say that I don’t know my role or something like that because you know I wasn’t trying to hear what he had to say. Trying to tell me about myself. I know that men want to be in control. But am I supposed to just wait around for one guy (possibly the main Boo) who can’t decide if I’m his Ms. Right…no commitment to the relationship. If we are not even girlfriend and boyfriend, how can I look for you to give me a ring…KICK ROCKS…so back to the other Boos on deck right?!

So something happened to me recently…I am ashamed to say. I was intimate with someone…it wasn’t the first time…but it had been a minute…why the next day after…I’m calling this man…texting him…no response…so I’m thinking WTF? How you gonna act like we didn’t just sleep together? Like it was nothing? So when I saw him out…he was cool…said that he had been busy all day…mmmhmmh…so I let that go because you know there are other Boos on deck, but I have a very BIG EGO and those who know me know this…So the next day…I called and texted again…no response until later and after I started to seem like a worried and concerned stalker…(all the reassurance I need is for my Ego, she gets me in trouble). Why this brother now has an attitude with me? The hostility was beaming through the text messages and through the phone conversation!! Those of you who know me know I’m terrible with confrontation (face-to-face and on the phone), but I will text and e-mail you to death until I feel like I’ve won! He doesn’t know who he’s messing with right?!!

I was just really trying to keep some type of contact with him…this is what people do when they’re intimate with each other right? So what did I do to him that was so wrong? Ol’ Mr. Busy! You are not that busy to return a phone call…I would have been satisfied with at least a text…so I’m still trying to figure this fella out. I’m just like, why wouldn’t you want to talk to me? So really I’m feeling like what a Jerk!!

There is something new that I’ve created called the “Cookies” vs. the “Cookie Dough”. For all you smart people, what is cookie dough? Raw! Right! Have you ever given someone your cookie dough and regretted that? Just let me know what’s up and what you think about that?

(Left out some details here…)

Now do you understand why I’m retiring? But just like Michael Jordan and JayZ, I’ll be back. I love men too much…but I just need a break because it’s just not being reciprocated right now. I know that no one can love me better than me…I need to start exercising these affirmations…Also love lives inside of me…this is something that must be lived, eaten, and breathed so that the love I have for me can attract the One. I’m not gonna lie I like having Boos on deck, but it’s just not that serious sometimes…everybody seems to be searching, but no one seems to be finding…hmm, is it that we are so intrinsically dissatisfied with self that we do not recognize him or her when he or she arrives? That’s deep…

I got me a Boo in holding…that I truly adore…we definitely have a connection, but it’s long distance. I also have me a Boo that my mom likes, but I don’t think she understands how crazy he is…I would rather just keep him in the friend category until further notice…

Well folks, I will keep you updated on the Boo Saga…until then…my Boo in holding has been so inspiring…I love the way he makes me feel…brotha got me writing 100 poems a week…just kidding…is it possible to love someone you hardly ever see or talk to? Do we at times put people on pedestals or romanticize a person without knowing them fully? Whatever the purpose of long distance Boo is…it doesn’t matter…I just seek positive connections with “real” people. (especially men…I have many girl friends…I’d be lost without my Chicas) How can a man be real with you when he is not being real with himself?

Good Night! Smoochez!

Here’s something I started but didn’t finish:

“Good Luv”

Good luv will make you relocate
Not good sex, good luv
Have you experienced this?
Good luv will make you high…
It’s good for you, for your soul…

–Destiny ©2009

Love Jones

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Wooing my infatuation…thinking of a Master Plan to make you mine…

Not by force or desperation…just smart enough to know it may take some time

Patience…just let me love you

Loving you is what keeps me alive

Without love I’m just existing…

But with love…I’m beautiful, powerful, vibrant, motivated…

I’m here for the long-run…til time runs out of time

Or our season together comes to an end…

My Everything…my friend…

Whatever you need…please don’t look any further…

It’s me…as long as you let me be…

If you can receive…I’m here to give…

So wide open…

I don’t want to be…

But I’m so caught up…

It supersedes the physical realm

What I feel comes from a place so spiritually unreal…

That my words cannot explain…

I know it’s not in vain,

I know it’s meant to be for this moment in time…

I had to experience this thing…

You…

–Destiny © 2009

"Have High Standards"

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Just a little something for the ladies…I know that some of us have been through some tough times so here is just a little encouragement.

“Have high standards…and they will be there.”

In regard to dating…You never know what people have been through…my co-worker age 35 recently revealed to me that she was married twice before marrying her current Husband. Prior to me knowing this about her, I thought…wow…she has it all…married to a Professor…baby on the way…working on her Doctorate…You Go Girl…me looking through envious eyes…and especially on the days that I drank my haterade…

But now I’m thinking…you never know what people have been through…abuse…mean men…men focused more on themselves than you…the list is endless…My coworker said now she has no complaints…Hubby number 3 is “perfect”…I said well, “I pray for a Husband like that”. She said that she did. I told her that she is blessed…and that’s when she revealed the history of her failed relationships.

So I asked her for some advice and she simply said, “Have high standards…and they will be there.” I mean this simple sentence put some things into perspective for me…It just means don’t settle…stop doing all the bending…and thinking that something is wrong with you…No commitment…tell him to kick rocks!! LOL! But for real…maybe “he’s just not that into you”…

But someone else surely will come along…I mean…as long as you believe…and realize that you are too smart to deal with someone who treats you like you’re worthless…

Well, let me stop preaching to the choir…

Signing off…Rae,

Still a work in progress!!

What Makes a Man?

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This is dedicated to all the real men out here working hard, taking care of home, and who truly know how to love.

What Makes a Man?

Is it his hands?
His eyes
His lips
His shoulders

What Makes a Man?

Is it his brain?
His money
His attitude
His walk

What he thinks makes a man
and what I think makes a man don’t compare
A man keeps it real with me at all times
Even when it hurts
Because he knows the truth will set us free

A man does not just look at me and think sex
He thinks beauty
And when we make love
He seeks to please me

A man takes care of me and his children
He almost never comes first
This is what makes a man

He is your brother, your father, your lover, and your friend
This is what makes a man

He works hard
He hustles
He protects
This is what he was born to do

–Destiny © 2009

My Drug…

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Can I bottle you up…?
I told you I been high all day…just the thought of you…
I don’t wanna mess this up…if so, lesson learned…
So much I wanna say…so much I wanna be…but we gotta move slowly

Time always reveals truth
So what did you come to do?
Not to just ease my pain, but to heal…
It’s a journey…it’s been a long road…
And this is just the beginning

So let’s go to a different level…
What can I be for you?
What do you need from me?
I’m open…

To have love…one must be love…and love
Without limits…without restrictions…
Unconditionally…
Desperate…No…that’s not me…
Just made to love.

Right now, at this present moment…
I choose you…
I’m jonesin’…as they call it…
I love feelin’ this way…
I must be in love with love…

Let me learn how to love you,
And you do the same for me.
We’re in control…
You know what I’m feelin’, and I can’t fight it
Hooked on you…addicted to your energy within…
My temporary high…my drug…

–Destiny © 2009

When Your Ego Gets Bruised

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What to do when your ego gets bruised?

Firstly, what does this mean? A bruised ago? It is the day you wake up and realize…you may not be “all that” or “he’s just not into you”. Funny right? But sort of true…I have had a few bruised ego moments…this is when I’m like…last time I checked in the mirror I was fine…thick, pretty in the face, smart…and so on and so forth…one of my wiser friends just recently assured me…it’s not you…it’s them or “him”. I’m like dang…what does a sister have to do these days to get some recognition and reciprocation for all of the hard work and love I put into these relationships? So what to do when the ego gets bruised:

1) Surround yourself with positive people, ie, girlfriends, guy friends, and family…they will always give you confidence…”saying it’s not you it’s them” or “such and such is stupid”.

2) Check yourself: look in the mirror…make sure you still qualify for being “all that”…if not…start a beauty/health regimen…hit the gym…by a new outfit…change your hair style/color…these things are only temporary but they help.

3) Randomly call, text, or email old lovers/friends of the opposite sex…this is encouraging sometimes…but be careful…do not go down a road that ended poorly…sometimes those ones from 5 to 10 yrs ago make you remember why y’all aren’t together and never will be…it’s like looking at where you came from…sometimes you can hook back up but…it may only be temporary.

4) Randomly call, text, or email someone you are not really interested in…the “new” guy you gave your contact info to…sometimes it helps, but then you may realize why you haven’t given him a chance…but it does stroke the ego.

5) Have sex…lol…okay, really be careful and selective with this one…if you are already emotionally distraught from the bruised ego or guy who kicked you to the curb, this is not always safe…especially if you really like the person who could be from the past #3 or present #4. (I don’t particularly encourage one night stands in this day and age…too dangerous…or if you are over the age of 21, ie out of college) Also, use caution when going back to a lover from 5 to 10 yrs or someone presently…in the heat of the moment people lose their minds…temporary insanity…want to go “raw”…not safe people…we all know this…fear of child out of wedlock should be the least of worries…

6) Get drunk! Again be careful…in your drunkenness…you are susceptible to poor decision-making…ie hooking up with past or present love interests that you really are not interested in…cussing out or calling the person who has bruised your ego…driving by such and such’s house…at this point…you have just become the crazy drunk woman…with no sense…

7) Okay…so this should have been first on the list…but pray…go to church…read your bible…once you figure out that the rest of that stuff you tried to do to make yourself feel better is only temporary…you will realize that the void can only be filled by God…it is my hope that filling the void with God and His Holy Spirit…will help to heal me (you) and prepare me (you) for what is to come…to try and be smarter in relationships…to avoid getting a bruised ego…how do you do this? Stay in faith…stay focused…weed out those being used by the enemy to kill, steal, and destroy…

I just don’t think that relationships and dating should be so difficult. Why do people lie? Why don’t people keep it real? Why does a good woman who will do anything for a man she loves…get drug through the mud and called “weak”? So what do I do to be strong? Show no emotion, and no feelings (like a man) When will he respect me? When I act as if I don’t care about him? The shit is crazy!! The truth is: a man has to choose a woman…now many times…when or if a woman chooses a man, it goes nowhere or only so far…what makes me mad is that when a man does chose a woman…the test begins…it’s like they test us to see how “strong” we are. We have to be a closed book…can’t tell them nothing or only a minimal amount of info regarding the past…it will always be used against us for him to decide…naw she ain’t it…they will use any little thing to disqualify a woman…once you have been cancelled out in his eyes…you might as well give it up…the ultimately sad part is that…if you fine…with a big booty…he will string you along…until you finally give up on him, he meets the “one” he’s been searching for, or you are acting too crazy!!

I’m tired of being “that chick”…drug through the mud…it can’t be all my fault…I can’t be this stupid…now I’m not ever going to switch sides…but I can see how a woman can become bitter…not ever give any man a chance…or just treat men like ATMs or whatever ya know…pay before you lay, that type of thing…or just give up dating or even date interracially…(another topic) because no matter the race some of those similarities still remain…

–Signing off for now

Much Luv,

“Dr. Rae”

* When all else fails, just write a blog about your ego getting bruised and get your online friends involved in the discussion…this is a good band-aid…LOL!!