Tirelessly Dating or Tiredly Dating??


One of my latest Facebook status messages reads “Raechel L. Rivers is tired and done with the “Dating Game”…too many “Players”, too many “Losers”, not enough “Winners”…or “Real” Champions. But I’m still All that and a Bag of Chips…if they can’t see that…they must be blind…Kick Rocks Chumps!!” And then I went on to further post a comment that reads “Thanks Boo…see I’m feeling really unChristianlike…MFs losing their minds…but see when that Oprah $ starts rolling in they’re gonna wish they didn’t pass up the chance to be Mr. Rivers! LOL…I’ve been wanting to say that all day…What these N’s really thinkin’?…the older I get the more I don’t give a you know what…bout to put some brothas on blast!! ;-)”

This brings me to today’s topic…which I’ve been trying to vent about for weeks now…some recent events have projected me to go forth and tell it on this subject. Where to begin? To some, it may seem as though I’m tirelessly dating…not giving up on the scene and all that good stuff…giving all types of brothas a chance…yeah, what happened to have high standards right?? Hmm…I’ll come back to that later. The truth is I’m tiredly dating; well now I am. A wise friend once said in regard to having sex outside of marriage…you will stop once you’re tired. Hmm, so having unsuccessful relationships which involve sex outside of marriage is obviously hazardous to me…my well being…so why would I keep thinking that I could be successful when engaging in them?? Maybe because of society who makes it seem like this is okay…”sex outside of marriage”. I’m so tired of this topic…I’ve been speaking on it for years. Let’s see we have “Sex in the City”…I know couples who have children before even getting married…I’m thinking they made it work…why not me?

The truth is what works for some doesn’t work for all…or maybe I just haven’t found the “one”. Ok, now what does that mean? The One. Okay so now we have Steve Harvey and others telling ladies to wait 90 days…WTF? If I’m a freak and you’re a freak, let’s get it on! (Marvin Gaye) We can get to know each other later right? Wrong? Again, it just depends on the individuals. We would all like to be “good” Christians and wait until marriage for sex and/or to have children, but it doesn’t always happen that way. Due to our impulsivity to give in to the natural instinct of having sex and also unprotected sex…there is nothing natural about condoms especially latex ones. But this day in age you already know the STD speech.

Now this leads me to the story of my recent events…and why I’m done with the “Dating Game”. Well trying to be…

Okay, let me first start off by saying that single people who are dating or looking for and making themselves available for the “one”…should always keep some Boos on deck…lol, no I’m being serious. If you are not in a committed relationship, you should have options. You think I’m right or wrong? Anyway, so I don’t have a main Boo, but I have some Boos on deck…I will not say how many…Here is a good analogy; Love and Basketball…there are about five or six players on the bench…they each have their positions. I wish I could just put them all together to form Mr. Right! Anyway, sometimes these “Players” get traded you know, because they F up…become unprofitable…all that good stuff. Men don’t like to hear about women having a team of men…but do I care? No!! Some of them have teams of women…At this point, I don’t even care about the team because I’m giving up the “Game” turning in my “Player Card”.

I told an old guy friend recently that I live this way because I haven’t met that one dude who says “look Raechel, I want you, we are going to be together and that’s that”…still waiting to get to this point in life…it’s coming soon…I CAUGHT THE BOUQUET at my friend’s wedding over the weekend too!! Woo Hoo!! Anyway, this friend of mine who at one point I considered apart of my team goes on to say that I don’t know my role or something like that because you know I wasn’t trying to hear what he had to say. Trying to tell me about myself. I know that men want to be in control. But am I supposed to just wait around for one guy (possibly the main Boo) who can’t decide if I’m his Ms. Right…no commitment to the relationship. If we are not even girlfriend and boyfriend, how can I look for you to give me a ring…KICK ROCKS…so back to the other Boos on deck right?!

So something happened to me recently…I am ashamed to say. I was intimate with someone…it wasn’t the first time…but it had been a minute…why the next day after…I’m calling this man…texting him…no response…so I’m thinking WTF? How you gonna act like we didn’t just sleep together? Like it was nothing? So when I saw him out…he was cool…said that he had been busy all day…mmmhmmh…so I let that go because you know there are other Boos on deck, but I have a very BIG EGO and those who know me know this…So the next day…I called and texted again…no response until later and after I started to seem like a worried and concerned stalker…(all the reassurance I need is for my Ego, she gets me in trouble). Why this brother now has an attitude with me? The hostility was beaming through the text messages and through the phone conversation!! Those of you who know me know I’m terrible with confrontation (face-to-face and on the phone), but I will text and e-mail you to death until I feel like I’ve won! He doesn’t know who he’s messing with right?!!

I was just really trying to keep some type of contact with him…this is what people do when they’re intimate with each other right? So what did I do to him that was so wrong? Ol’ Mr. Busy! You are not that busy to return a phone call…I would have been satisfied with at least a text…so I’m still trying to figure this fella out. I’m just like, why wouldn’t you want to talk to me? So really I’m feeling like what a Jerk!!

There is something new that I’ve created called the “Cookies” vs. the “Cookie Dough”. For all you smart people, what is cookie dough? Raw! Right! Have you ever given someone your cookie dough and regretted that? Just let me know what’s up and what you think about that?

(Left out some details here…)

Now do you understand why I’m retiring? But just like Michael Jordan and JayZ, I’ll be back. I love men too much…but I just need a break because it’s just not being reciprocated right now. I know that no one can love me better than me…I need to start exercising these affirmations…Also love lives inside of me…this is something that must be lived, eaten, and breathed so that the love I have for me can attract the One. I’m not gonna lie I like having Boos on deck, but it’s just not that serious sometimes…everybody seems to be searching, but no one seems to be finding…hmm, is it that we are so intrinsically dissatisfied with self that we do not recognize him or her when he or she arrives? That’s deep…

I got me a Boo in holding…that I truly adore…we definitely have a connection, but it’s long distance. I also have me a Boo that my mom likes, but I don’t think she understands how crazy he is…I would rather just keep him in the friend category until further notice…

Well folks, I will keep you updated on the Boo Saga…until then…my Boo in holding has been so inspiring…I love the way he makes me feel…brotha got me writing 100 poems a week…just kidding…is it possible to love someone you hardly ever see or talk to? Do we at times put people on pedestals or romanticize a person without knowing them fully? Whatever the purpose of long distance Boo is…it doesn’t matter…I just seek positive connections with “real” people. (especially men…I have many girl friends…I’d be lost without my Chicas) How can a man be real with you when he is not being real with himself?

Good Night! Smoochez!

Here’s something I started but didn’t finish:

“Good Luv”

Good luv will make you relocate
Not good sex, good luv
Have you experienced this?
Good luv will make you high…
It’s good for you, for your soul…

–Destiny ©2009


About Dr. Rae

Raechel “Dr. Rae” Rivers was born, raised, and currently resides in St. Louis, Missouri. She has enjoyed creative writing since childhood, but her love of writing grew even stronger during her college years. “Dr. Rae” prides herself on being able to convey such “real” messages about the journey of love. Her words, racy at times, are what some readers need to hear; would not otherwise say, and appreciate for truth and honesty about love-life situations. “Journey to Self: Journey to Love” is her first self-published book printed by Authorhouse. She completed an Ed.S., Educational Specialist degree, in Curriculum and Instruction at the University of Arkansas, Fayetteville in 2011; and is a world-renowned Writer, Entrepreneur, and Love Coach. Her life's mission involves encouraging women and young women of all ages to “work on you and love yourself just the way you are”. Raechel’s book, blog, and message on Self-Love have gained national and international popularity. As a result, she founded Embrace Enterprises and Publishing in 2012 to teach youth and adults about Self-Love and pursuing their purpose and passions. Her company’s motto is “Embrace You; A Lifestyle to Be You”. Additionally, Ms. Rivers also offers workshops on Writing, Publishing, Entrepreneurship, and one-on-one Love Coaching Sessions. She believes that “love is a journey where you go searching and ultimately find yourself”.

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