The Journey to Self


The Journey…to Self…  (April 2010)

Your girl has been undergoing some major changes this year…all for the better.  Working on finishing my Doctoral Program; defining what truly makes me happy and so on and so forth.  2010 hasn’t been glorious…but many of the changes are occurring within, which are going to bring me into a better state mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  My “Love” writing seems to have taken a backseat.  Actually, this is not true.  I am truly embracing what this whole self-love thing is about.  Me and my Sistas/Sisters have really become worn out of the whole can’t get this Man thing right, but really…is it them or is it us that’s the problem??  I’m concluding that it’s a combination of the two.  We as women truly need to stop thinking that we need a man to validate us!  Uh oh…stepping on my own toes.  Let me explain…you may be thinking, Rae what are you talking about?  I don’t believe that!!  The truth is that our “need” for a man…a good man…is okay and natural.  I think that the need to feel validated comes across in how we act/react to our situations with our men. For example, we are defined by so many things on a regular basis, like our hair style/texture…our dress…our occupations…who or how many men we’ve dated in the past…etc etc…our children…etc our cars…

You feel what I’m saying…so the type of man that we desire or who we see ourselves with in fact validates us…but this should not be the case.  I hope I’m making sense and not just rambling with my Mumbo Jumbo…

I always tell my friends…I’ve tried all types of men…I will not list all the types but you know what I mean…from the college/Master degree educated to the preacher to the comedian to the just barely made it out of high school.  You feel me?  Often times, I struggle in conversations with people because they feel that just because I’m working on a PhD that I should be with a man who has one or what have you.

For me, that is the furthest thing from the truth…which you must define your own self-truths and don’t let anyone tell you who you are.

There is more to me than my 2.75 degrees…the man who can realize that about me will have to be the “chosen One”.  LOL!  Ya dig?  I may not be in the education field for the rest of my life…in fact that is not even my plan…I’ve been following a plan that was laid before me from some of the mentors in my life.  I accepted the plan, but I’m a different person now than 5 yrs ago. 

There are men that I know who minimize me almost having a PhD…like it’s never discussed, but then there are some who…my word…that’s all they’re interested in about me…I’m just like look…there is so much about me than what meets the eye.  I’m sure that you my Sisters can definitely relate to this.  For example, you may feel like there is more to you than just a pretty face, or big boobs/booty, etc…and there truly is…

We are God’s precious creations…do we know how precious we are?  Do our men know this as well?  Now for the Sistas…society has beaten us up so much…as well as raised us up in certain lights.  Sometimes our men feel that they can’t compete.  I am living for the day when Sistas and Brothas can just love each other instead of always having to compete with status…maybe then can we truly come into some loving/drama free relationships.  Relationships where there won’t be so many questions regarding sexuality; infidelity; etc…true love…not loving a man or woman because of his/her car or degrees or bank account…but just love…few of us are finding it…but we must know that it starts with self.

So I’m on this journey of finding me…knowing that true love and the things that I truly desire in a mate are on the way…and you know we have to be ready in order to truly recognize it…I thought I was ready…but actually…I’m not…I’m still in the process of defining what’s really important to me.   Someone who validates me because of his stature/status/looks?  Or someone who has the heart?  Both would be nice 🙂  God will reveal…in exactly the right time…and this I know…for now…there’s so much to do just to get/keep Rae right!  And don’t waste time with anymore jerks who are going to drain you mentally/physically/emotionally/spiritually…the world is already doing that enough!


About Dr. Rae

Raechel “Dr. Rae” Rivers was born, raised, and currently resides in St. Louis, Missouri. She has enjoyed creative writing since childhood, but her love of writing grew even stronger during her college years. “Dr. Rae” prides herself on being able to convey such “real” messages about the journey of love. Her words, racy at times, are what some readers need to hear; would not otherwise say, and appreciate for truth and honesty about love-life situations. “Journey to Self: Journey to Love” is her first self-published book printed by Authorhouse. She completed an Ed.S., Educational Specialist degree, in Curriculum and Instruction at the University of Arkansas, Fayetteville in 2011; and is a world-renowned Writer, Entrepreneur, and Love Coach. Her life's mission involves encouraging women and young women of all ages to “work on you and love yourself just the way you are”. Raechel’s book, blog, and message on Self-Love have gained national and international popularity. As a result, she founded Embrace Enterprises and Publishing in 2012 to teach youth and adults about Self-Love and pursuing their purpose and passions. Her company’s motto is “Embrace You; A Lifestyle to Be You”. Additionally, Ms. Rivers also offers workshops on Writing, Publishing, Entrepreneurship, and one-on-one Love Coaching Sessions. She believes that “love is a journey where you go searching and ultimately find yourself”.

2 responses »

  1. Powerful insight! I always get ripped by women when I say they have to some times look at their lifestyle and see if there are things that are continually attracting men that end up doing them wrong. The old addage is true: You attract what you are, not what you want. Now I really do sympathize with MOST Black women, because I hear the mentality of the “men” they think they want. Consequently, I am a believer that when things are supposed to happen, they will, so Beloved Sistas make sure YOU are ready!!!

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