Monthly Archives: June 2010

Who Is Mr. Big?



Mr. Big, Mr. Big, I call him Mr. Big.  Mr. Big, Mr. Big for so many apparent reasons.  So who is Mr. Big?  Now you know I’m not going to name any names, but I will tell you what a Mr. Big is.  For starters, Mr. Big is generally 5 to 15 years your senior.  Okay, we got that out the way.  Next, there are many apparent reasons why he’s Mr. Big and not always because of his size.  Mr. Big, yes he’s older; he’s established; he has met every criteria on your wish list.  He is someone you can look up to; he has just about everything you have or are working to build for your life so why not admire or aspire to be in the company of such a “Big” man, as in “Bigtime”.  He’s also usually pretty well-known in your community because of an established occupation (perhaps something entrepreneurial), philanthropic efforts, or maybe he’s just a “Big” socialite in your city or town.

This type of man attracts women of all ages and genres whether he is single or not.  The Mr. Big I’m speaking of happens to be a single one.  Generally, Bigs have been previously married and may possess children almost your age or at least half your age.  He doesn’t come with much drama unless he’s a messy Mr. Big, but remember his reputation in the community is on the line so he has to remain as drama less as possible.

How I met Mr. Big?  I know you are wondering…Yes Love Doctor how?  Well, I was 24 years young…hot and fresh to death…you feel me…I was so fine that I didn’t know I was fine…slim and trim…carefree, footloose and fancy free…you feel me?  Mr. Bigs are definitely attracted to this type…A young, educated, fly, fit, young woman…working toward big dreams (Masters degree attainment at the time).  I was just living it up!  Loving life to the fullest!  I was so enjoying my life at the time that I didn’t pay Mr. Big any mind.  I think he was on his way up then…but heck all I knew was you are 10yrs older than me…older than my oldest sibling, and I wasn’t sure how to react.  Had I known then what I know now…I would have tried to lock him down then.  Ya know? 

You have to catch these types when you first meet them when they are into you and in pursuit because if you don’t, later on down the line when you try to get at him on a serious note…like “hey what’s up Mr. Big I’m ready to get married and have kids now”…he will start smelling himself and forget how he pursued you…he will develop what I’ve coined as the “Mike Jones Syndrome”.  And that’s not a pretty sight because he will officially play with you because he knows that now you’re ready.  See it was better for him when you weren’t ready because that gave him more time to enjoy being in an uncommitted, “touch and go” relationship with you and whomever else.  As you begin to age, he will still look at you like you are 21 or 24, that first day he met you and was so captivated by your beauty.  However, it will never be the same if you did not accept his initial advances.

Do you get where I’m going with this one?  Mr. Big is your ideal partner, if you don’t mind the age difference, but his ego is so enormous that it will take some time to get him down the aisle, if he’s never been married, and back down the aisle if he has.  And don’t think you are going to come at him trying to produce any children out of wedlock…again, the rep is on the line…unless you actually catch him slipping one night which would be a rare occasion.  This man is good to keep around because he knows many people whom you may need contact with so try to maintain a healthy relationship with this one.

In conclusion, if you are not ready for the Big Leagues, Mr. Big is not for you.  If you don’t mind a rollercoaster ride then it may be fun, just realize what you are getting yourself into…with Mr. Big comes increased responsibility to stay on point in all of your personal endeavors.  Since you are no longer 21, he’s not going for the “damsel in distress” routine either.  Sometimes the rules with him are clean cut, and sometimes there are no rules.  The real truth, he’s not ready to settle down because if he was, then he would be.  If you are the chosen one/woman for him…you will know it.  There are no excuses left to come from a man who has everything…if he’s not willing to share with you, then you’re just not the one.  And throughout the years, you will not be able to change the dynamic of the relationship.  “The Thrill Is Gone”…Be his toy or keep it moving, because another fine, young, tender thing is waiting in the wings to catch a ride with Mr. Big…but remember he’s aging too!!!  



“Brown Sugar” Now What’s That?


What is it about brown sugar that catches your sweet tooth?  It’s a certain kind of sweet; not sweet like white sugar though.  From the taste, to the color, to the consistency, it’s just something about this type of sugar that when added to a bowl of flour, butter, eggs, and oil it just gives the dessert you’re making the right touch.  Not too sweet but just enough to make it taste just right!  What is it about “brown sugar” that can make a man or a woman lose his or her mind?  First of all, what is brown sugar?  Well, it must be so good that D’Angelo had to sing a song about it; and hey Taye Diggs starred in a movie called “Brown Sugar”.  So what is this thing, and how can I get my hands on it?

For me Brown Sugar is…that sweet feeling when you first meet someone…that first point of contact…it’s never too sweet…it’s always just right.  It adds flavor to your life without overpowering you…it is simple…and uncomplicated.  Drama free…it’s a spice of life.  It’s the point in a relationship that just is and exists.  It’s not the main ingredient of the relationship, but its extra flavoring makes things sweet…nice…calm and pleasant.

So I posed the question to my peers, what is Brown Sugar to you and here’s what they said:

“What is brown sugar?? It’s unique, attractive, yet sweet with every taste”.  –Jeradiah

“A delightful sugar used for baking chocolate chip cookies?” –Kate

“It’s great for BBQ sauces & baked beans… it comes in dark brown & light brown”. –LaKristal

“As in ‘Brown Sugar’ the was defined as the sweetness of black life and best of black friendship”.  –Michael 

“Anythng sweet”.  –Erin

“A woman who is equally sexy in a business suit and cocktail dress”.  –Sunnie

As you can see, no one had anything negative to say about their experiences with brown sugar.  So see whether you are cooking up a treat or a meal or out on the town mingling, brown sugar will always be that little sumthin’ sumthin’ that adds flavor.  

Have you found the Brown Sugar in your life?  Do you represent this sweet spice of life?  You attract that which you are.  Can you learn to be sweet but not too overbearing in your love relationships?  Can you accept someone adding a sweet flavoring to your life and can you be that flavoring?  I know one thing, I’m looking for my “Brown Sugar”; I’ve got a major sweet tooth.  In the meantime, I’m working on just being that brown sugar.  It’s not a difficult task…

“Brown Sugar”

Your lips are like Brown Sugar to me…
The lingering of your sweet honey
Dew drops that melt in my mouth
Your kiss is like Brown Sugar to me…
I want some of your Brown Sugar…










Pretty Girls Pt.2 “The Paradox Woman”


I AM the Paradox Woman
I’m not a “what you see is what you get”
I’m pretty…
In fact beautiful

 Don’t blame me
I’m just evolving
Like a caterpillar
Into a butterfly
On a cold lonely night

 But all is not lost
I am found
By Me
So His admiration
Means nothing to me

 I admire me
And who I’m becoming
Still pretty
Still strong
Still a paradox

 It’s not for you to figure me out
I figure me out
I shape and mold me
Into what I see

 I define me by my inner beauty
That you may not see initially
See I’m the paradox
You don’t even know what I require of thee
But you must govern yourself accordingly…
The Gentleman mind knows exactly what I mean

Sex and the City 2 “Less is Sometimes Best”


This movie had some very important relationship and “relations” themes that we’ve possibly lost in our Westernized society.  Now some of the practices of Eastern culture are way extreme, but we can learn from the ideal of minimizing lustful situations.  In actuality these situations can be created from “covering up”, but letting it all hang out too soon can also create an adverse affect amongst men and women; such as a man’s decision to view a woman as a harlot versus seeing her as the covered up “Virgin Mary”. 

So what is truly sexier to men?  Booties and breasts hanging out, or the woman who a man has to ponder in his mind about?  “Hmm…I wonder what she looks like under there?”;  ie her clothes or head wrap.  “Her eyes are beautiful…so I wonder how beautiful the rest of her body is?”  The practice of covering up commands a certain respect from a man, and he doesn’t want other men to see or have his prize or goods.  In turn, not knowing what her ASSets look like will drive the man wild, like a little boy who imagines and dreams.  This man will have the drive to find out all about this woman.

The positive for women is that the man is forced to find out about her mind without lusting for her before the wraps are taken off.  At times, all our accessories can be a distraction and seek to define us.  Yes even our hair!  (in reference to the movie “Good Hair”).  These superficial maintenance ideals could possibly keep men from truly getting to know us.  I for one like all women of every culture (as portrayed in the movie), love getting “dolled up”, and our men enjoy seeing us happy.  However, they, if they are a straight man, could care less about how much our clothes cost; what designer we’re wearing; what hairstyle we have; how much our nails and massage cost; or how long it took to get done; unless we are “wifey” and it then affects their bank account.

They love us for us…well, a real man does.  They love us for our minds; when we’re all dolled up or when we are just taking it easy in some sweats and a scarf.  Remember what Drake said; “that’s when you’re the prettiest, I’m hoping you don’t take it wrong”.  Men tell me, that we women dress up for each other.  There’s some truth in that.  Now the shallow men are different.  If they see you in the club with your headwrap they may look the other way.  However, confidence and beauty are within.  I’ve gone from the fro, to braids, to the long weave, to the “Halle” cut, to the headwrap, and still have no problem pullin ‘em.  (But I’m a real life chameleon). 

The strength in being a chameleon is that its power involves the ability to blend in whatever environment it chooses (to protect itself).  The downfall of this characteristic is that it is always becoming what others are (trying to fit in) or who others want it to be; therefore not making a true definition for its own person.  Without knowledge of self, relationships with others will not last long or will always breed difficulty.  Common said it best “never find a man til you find yourself”.  I agree.

You can imagine that I attract all types of men with all of those different looks previously mentioned.  It just depends on which Rae wants to be on the scene that night or the type of event I’m attending.  I’m thinking finding myself will breed consistency in my style or look.  When you’re lost, you’ll try everything (hairstyles and men).  Next stop for me, dreads perhaps?  We’ll see…

Once upon a time I was dating a guy, and he was very reserved and introverted.  Y’all know I’m highly extroverted, and was just being myself by changing up my hairstyles to match my outgoing personality.  He hated it!  So the decision was to wear it like he liked it or just be me.  I didn’t choose the latter initially.  Needless to say the relationship was short-lived.  If you can’t be yourself, you shouldn’t stay in a stifling relationship.  In conclusion, he broke it off.  Thanks for the favor I say!!   

Remember ladies, it’s about what’s within that truly matters; not hot shoes and Birkins.  Men don’t care about those until you ask them for money…and don’t hesitate to try being “prudish” for a day…He will feel 16 again.  Like the man in the movie from Down Under (Australia) said “the forbidden is a huge turn on”…

I’m Catholic and sometimes Baptist.  We grew up wearing pantyhose and skirts to the knee…men like pantyhose…

Many of us truly desire what we can’t have and what appears to be unattainable…sometimes it’s unfortunate, but the one who can get the man or woman they want to want them badly enough as well, has truly mastered the law of attraction which often involves a bit of detachment.

“Paradox Man”


“Paradox Man”

 Keeps me guessing…
Keeps me hooked…
It’s a paradox
Because I know he has other women
But makes me feel I’m the “One”

 He’s a Paradox Man
Saying all the right things
And hitting all the right notes…
Keeps me mesmerized and hypnotized…
And this he knows

 He’s not a “Player”
You know what to expect
You know what you’re getting yourself into
When dealing with him
He’s more like a Pimp
Gives you just enough to keep you

 He knows all about you
And how to really get to you
To get what he wants
What he wants is his Freedom
To do as he pleases

 He is everything you need
At particular moments…
He’s your latest accessory,
He’s your friend,
He’s your confidant,
He’s your lover

 He’s preparing you to meet him halfway…
To become one with him…
But don’t be fooled
He’s dangerous as they come
Your heart will be won…

 Even taps into the Spiritual Essence of your Soul
When you need a lift
Fine like wine
And sunshine to your rainy day…
But he’s a paradox
Because he’s not just for you…
His heart belongs to HER too…