Monthly Archives: May 2011

Everything Is Relative: Eat, Pray, Love



So the world didn’t end yesterday…but I watched an excellent movie…”Eat, Pray, Love”.  This movie is consistent with what I “preach”…life and love is about the journey to your never-ending destiny.  Destiny is infinite because once you reach one goal, you will always have another.  Along the way, you may fall in love one or two times and maybe even procreate.  The beauty is that your happiness never has to end.  What can you find joy in?  The little things that lead up to the big event; like graduating or a wedding ceremony.  It’s never really about the ceremony is it?  Or the birth of a child…It’s about the blood, sweat, and tears and 9 months of growth and labor pains…it’s about the journey and what it takes to get there.  When you look back on all you went through or everything it took, or how you had to fight, or how you had to pray; you discover a strength and muscle that has been developed and you’re like WOW!!  “I can’t believe I made it through!”

What makes it worth it?  Why keep going and never give up despite obstacles and setbacks?  You have to want it bad enough.  You have to change your mind-set and thinking; only then will your actions and impulses govern themselves accordingly.  As for me, I still want romantic love…mutual understanding and affection; but I no longer want to look for it.  Looking (searching) and expecting are two different concepts.  Searching is an aimless active pursuit…but expecting takes less work and keeps you open to the possibilities of love…it is within.  I often quote Common, “never find a man ‘til you find yourself”.  You have to dig deeply within.  I haven’t found this man (my man).  I’ve found a few good men…but not this man.  Am I still in search of me?  Raechel?  Yes!  I’m woman enough to admit this…even at 30! 

Finding yourself”, what does that mean?  It means to define you.  Who are you?  What do you stand for; and what do you believe in?  You believe in you; and you do not allow people; family; friends; men; women; jobs; circumstances; finances; situations; etc. sway or change who you are.  You are comfortable with you despite your flaws; and you never stop learning or improving yourself…This is the true essence of Self-Love!

You know…I’m feel that I’m almost there…when it comes to defining who I am.  This means that the love relationship that I so desire is on the horizon…this is my belief.  What do you believe?  How do you define you?

Let me also add that this movie had so many important elements…such as the concept of losing yourself in someone else…this can happen when you don’t really know who you are.  For example, “oh, I’m a vegan today, because he is”…or how about “she loves rock and roll so now I do”…LOL!  I’m just saying…who has time to keep going back and forth like that.  The beauty in learning those lessons is that you do finally discover what you really like; after trying so many different things or types of men or women.  We’ve seen this happen in Hollywood and within our own communities as well.  Look at how E. Badu changed Andre 3000 and Common.  They started dressing like her…lol!  Oh, the process of finding yourself and love…it can be adventurous!

The other extreme was also portrayed in the movie.  There was an Indian girl who knew, probably from childhood, that she would marry a young man from a wealthy family upon turning seventeen.  Can you imagine being forced into an arranged marriage?  You would be guaranteed a Husband or a Wife (one benefit if that’s what you desire), and have to follow suit because of religious or cultural beliefs.  On the other hand, you wouldn’t be able to take the time to find you or what you really like.  In those marriages, you just make it work.  Does that sound like some American marriages?  “We stayed together because of this or that.”  The poor girl did not want to marry the young man, but she did what was culturally expected.

All of our life and love experiences make us who we are.  Some of us have been hurt badly and haven’t fully recovered.  How do we recover?  We take the good with the bad; we embrace bittersweet memories; we let go; and we let God.  I’ll end with a quote from the movie; and there were so many good ones.  When you think of that relationship gone bad or that person, just “send them light and love, and drop it”.  Is it that simple?  It surely can be!  Move on and embrace new love…it is within…

P.S.- I just finished watching “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf”…deep, deep, deep…I’ll have to make a separate post for this one.  Black Woman, HEAL THYSELF!  She is me





Detox Your Body; Detox Your Life!


This is an oldie but goody!  We are now in the season of getting right for the Summer; so it is time to detox and hit the gym.  This is the best season for love or Summer flings…whatever you call it…to get your boo on lock so that you can be ready for the cool Fall and Winter snuggle months.  But let’s not think about the cold right now!  As you formulate your workout or new diet plan, relflect on your overall Self-Love Goals as well as your relationship goals.  Enjoy this post from last year when I first did my detox.  Be on the look-out for the Self-Love 7 Day Detox included in The Self-Love Handbook coming soon!!

(May 2010)

You want to know what happens when you detox?  You SHIT!!  Literally, the more good foods you put in (and not simultaneously with the bad foods), the more the bad stuff, built up fecal matter, comes out.  Thank God!!  You have to expel all the old shit from your body.  All of the negative things and energy that are holding you back.  Old habits and ways of thinking.  Past relationships, etc, etc.  It’s not just about losing pounds, but it’s also about losing baggage, and dead weight.  A lifestyle change.  These are some of the things that are weighing us down and possibly keeping us from moving forward in life.  You are changing your mental habits by realizing that all the crap you were addicted to was weighing you down and that all the good food, fruits, veggies, and nuts (mostly raw) uncooked will lead you to a healthier happier you.  It’s worth the investment.  It’s worth releasing the caffeine, sugar, and or alcohol addiction; that some may not even recognize as an addiction.  I don’t want anything that’s harmful for me in the long run to have any power over me.

Sometimes we even get addicted to relationships that are unhealthful for us.  So as we detox we release the baggage we gained as a result of some of these relationship situations.  How can you expect your Soulmate to find you if you are not you?  You are walking around full of shit!  Literally…all the meat, all the sugar, all the caffeine, all the liquor that is weighing you down.  You have become addicted to these things for various reasons; some of them are comfort foods.  They taste good going down, but in the long run the only benefits will be an extra fat tush.  Nothing against fat booties, but honestly, our fat booties have been known to catch a man but not necessarily keep one.  Do you hear me? 

I am a woman on a mission to get my mind, body, and spirit back in its true order; in the Divine Order which God has called it to be.  Ladies our health, mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical should be top priority!  When you are in your best condition, complete, healthy, and whole in mind, body, and spirit, you can attract the same type of mate.  Likewise, when you are walking around full of shit, you will also attract some shitty men.  I’m tired of the shitty men!  So it has to begin with me.  As you begin to take care of yourself, and rise to your new level of health, you will notice the shit begins to cease.  As you detox yourself, certain men will not even be on your level.  Why?  You know the answer, they are full of it and you are not.  You will be able to recognize the early warning signs because your body and mind will be clear and receptive to a “shit talker”.  You will probably be able to smell the shit! 

I’m on Day 4 of my detox.  I’m very proud of myself too.  I see my end result now.  We have to “begin with the end in mind”.  I have 5 months before I’m 30 and I see myself emerging as a new and rare creature in body, mind, and spirit.  Not necessarily untouchable, but on my new level; my grown woman.  Still seeking to be found by the “one”, but while I “wait” there is no better feeling than working on me!  Ladies, release the shit TODAY!  (Smile, because I love you.)

Oh, I almost forgot to add, my overall goal for the 5 months is at least 20lbs.  Over the past 4 and a half years of pursuing a Ph.D. and a love life (chasing the wrong things, shitty men), I’ve accumulated some bags; saddle bags; hail damage what have you.  I realized that I’m too young for this.  So now I’m working to release an overall gain of 40lbs!  Wow!  That’s 10lbs per year.  I’m down 20lbs right now.  Just think, all that I went through just in the past four years, now has to be reversed, and I’m okay with this.  I’m actually enjoying the journey to the new me. (No more late night Krispy Kremes; no more entire bottles of wine in one night; no more late night McDonald’s; etc.) 

What type of bags have you been accumulating?  What do you need to release in order to reach your desired state or attract a healthy mate?  I don’t think this goal of attracting a mate is unreasonable.  I believe he’s out there.  The first step is to believe.  The second is to become the best you!  And always trust God to work things out for your highest good!

Also check out this article by Wayne Gendel  Raw Foods Help Control Weight




New Project: The Self-Love Handbook


Hey All!

I am very excited about preparing for my new career and life purpose!  My job as a Career Student is coming to an end on May 14th; and I’m very proud of this accomplishment!  No, it’s not a Ph.D., which I initially set out to attain, but sometimes life has a way of taking a different direction from what we plan.

I’ve always wanted to be an Entrepreneur; and discovering my life purpose path along this journey has been rewarding thus far.  I am your self-proclaimed “Self-Love Advocate”.  These life lessons on love have prepared me for this position.  I have also always enjoyed writing…and acting as sort of a therapist amongst friends.  So Love Coaching it is! 

In an effort to get started down this new path…I’ll be working on the Self-Love Handbook as a follow-up to the “Journey to Self: Journey to Love” (due to release in June) book of my thoughts, poems, and love-life experiences.  How do we truly love ourselves?  Do we really know how?  Some people portray that they do, but their actions do not always line up.  I am definitely a work in progress; and I feel as though we all need to take some time off to really assess our personal love walk.  Love of Self; Love of God; and Love of Others.  The Self-Love Handbook will be a simple guide on making that assessment and taking an inventory of your personal love account.  It will be geared toward single people; but also for those in love relationships and/or marriages because no matter what type of relationships you are involving yourself in, the interactions will always be a reflection of what’s going on inside of you.  The goal is to maintain harmonic relationships within yourself, with your environment, and with others. 


It’s about balance…

As it is within (internally), so it will be without (externally)…everything from our home environment; to how we conduct our jobs (or the type of job we have); to our relationships with others is a reflection of what’s going on inside of us.  We have to be right or feel good within and about ourselves in order to manifest harmonic relationships with others; including family, friends, co-workers, and intimate love relationships.  We are in a constant state of expelling energy by our mere presence.  Our mental, emotional, and spiritual state will emanate from us positive or negative energy.  The state of our inner being, healthy or not, will have an affect on our relationship with our environment and those with whom we interact…

Like attracts like…

We want to be in a constant state of attracting positive life and love experiences, but it begins within…

How do I love myself?

I eat right…I live right…
I’m good to myself and my body…
I create my own happiness.
I am love…