So the world didn’t end yesterday…but I watched an excellent movie…”Eat, Pray, Love”. This movie is consistent with what I “preach”…life and love is about the journey to your never-ending destiny. Destiny is infinite because once you reach one goal, you will always have another. Along the way, you may fall in love one or two times and maybe even procreate. The beauty is that your happiness never has to end. What can you find joy in? The little things that lead up to the big event; like graduating or a wedding ceremony. It’s never really about the ceremony is it? Or the birth of a child…It’s about the blood, sweat, and tears and 9 months of growth and labor pains…it’s about the journey and what it takes to get there. When you look back on all you went through or everything it took, or how you had to fight, or how you had to pray; you discover a strength and muscle that has been developed and you’re like WOW!! “I can’t believe I made it through!”
What makes it worth it? Why keep going and never give up despite obstacles and setbacks? You have to want it bad enough. You have to change your mind-set and thinking; only then will your actions and impulses govern themselves accordingly. As for me, I still want romantic love…mutual understanding and affection; but I no longer want to look for it. Looking (searching) and expecting are two different concepts. Searching is an aimless active pursuit…but expecting takes less work and keeps you open to the possibilities of love…it is within. I often quote Common, “never find a man ‘til you find yourself”. You have to dig deeply within. I haven’t found this man (my man). I’ve found a few good men…but not this man. Am I still in search of me? Raechel? Yes! I’m woman enough to admit this…even at 30!
Finding yourself”, what does that mean? It means to define you. Who are you? What do you stand for; and what do you believe in? You believe in you; and you do not allow people; family; friends; men; women; jobs; circumstances; finances; situations; etc. sway or change who you are. You are comfortable with you despite your flaws; and you never stop learning or improving yourself…This is the true essence of Self-Love!
You know…I’m feel that I’m almost there…when it comes to defining who I am. This means that the love relationship that I so desire is on the horizon…this is my belief. What do you believe? How do you define you?
Let me also add that this movie had so many important elements…such as the concept of losing yourself in someone else…this can happen when you don’t really know who you are. For example, “oh, I’m a vegan today, because he is”…or how about “she loves rock and roll so now I do”…LOL! I’m just saying…who has time to keep going back and forth like that. The beauty in learning those lessons is that you do finally discover what you really like; after trying so many different things or types of men or women. We’ve seen this happen in Hollywood and within our own communities as well. Look at how E. Badu changed Andre 3000 and Common. They started dressing like her…lol! Oh, the process of finding yourself and love…it can be adventurous!
The other extreme was also portrayed in the movie. There was an Indian girl who knew, probably from childhood, that she would marry a young man from a wealthy family upon turning seventeen. Can you imagine being forced into an arranged marriage? You would be guaranteed a Husband or a Wife (one benefit if that’s what you desire), and have to follow suit because of religious or cultural beliefs. On the other hand, you wouldn’t be able to take the time to find you or what you really like. In those marriages, you just make it work. Does that sound like some American marriages? “We stayed together because of this or that.” The poor girl did not want to marry the young man, but she did what was culturally expected.
All of our life and love experiences make us who we are. Some of us have been hurt badly and haven’t fully recovered. How do we recover? We take the good with the bad; we embrace bittersweet memories; we let go; and we let God. I’ll end with a quote from the movie; and there were so many good ones. When you think of that relationship gone bad or that person, just “send them light and love, and drop it”. Is it that simple? It surely can be! Move on and embrace new love…it is within…
P.S.- I just finished watching “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf”…deep, deep, deep…I’ll have to make a separate post for this one. Black Woman, HEAL THYSELF! She is me