Monthly Archives: March 2012

Not the Marrying Type


One of the worst statements you can say to a single woman who is past the age of thirty, or any age for that matter is, “I don’t understand why you are single?” Excuse me but if my single status is of no concern to me, why are you worried about it? Other rude no no’s include sarcastic expressions from doctors and health professionals during my quarterly visits. Yes I said quarterly; back when I was still in graduate school and the services were free. “How many new partners have you had over the past year?” “Are you not the marrying type?” She goes on further to say that getting tested will not keep you from getting diseases (agreed) and in the next breath refers me to a shrink. *look of shock and perplexity on my face* Excuse me Ma’am, but would you like to lose your job? It is none of your business how many partners I’ve had; hey at least I am here, and again the services are free or at the expense of the school. There are people running around who don’t know their STD statuses, and I want to remain current with mine; and give me a shrink only if I request one, thanks! Well thank God for finally helping me to finish school and enter the real world without free services, with the exception of certain clinics; but some of these places are not the ones you want to visit too often. We don’t trust health professionals that much anyway; not here in the inner-city or anywhere for that matter. We’d rather pay an arm and leg with the help of the health insurance programs offered to us in the workplace. What are we paying for; more privacy and a facility that has nice pictures on the wall? Anywho, it was nice when the nurse practitioner told me that I had one of the healthiest cervixes she’d seen all day (and I credit my diet at the time…I probably had just finished detoxing). Wow! I hope that post-30 my vagina is healthy. Yes, as we age there should be a lifestyle change which includes fewer visits to make sure “everything is okay”. Fewer partners equal fewer visits. We are moving toward becoming the “marrying type” right?

What or who is this marrying type that we speak of? She or he is someone who is or believes themselves to be ready for a more settled relationship, which could lead to marriage, whether they already have children or not. This person is not the “serial-dater”. I would say that we all must be some sort of serial-dater until we figure out what we want or feel that we are ready to be in a serious, and we pray, monogamous relationship. There are two types of serial-daters: one is the person who goes on a series of dates. This is the person I would say who is enjoying life and trying to see who’s out there. They are trying to figure out what they truly desire in a mate, or they are just having fun! The other is the person (and we all have friends like this), they are all or nothing. Every time you look up they have a new “girlfriend” or “boyfriend”. Geez, what happened to your last serious relationship? No breaks in between. No time for finding yourself! Any one of us has been this person before a time or two; the serial-dater. The rest of us just take sabbaticals, sometimes purposely, sometimes not; we are finding ourselves. Finding yourself is definitely ongoing and can take place even while you are out here dating, which is when you discover that certain relationships aren’t working for you; because they don’t line up with what you really want for your life and love life.

Through it all, some may decide that they truly aren’t the marrying type. Now that wouldn’t be fair for the serial-dater to hook up with the one who is thinking and acting as if they are ready for marriage. Once this is discovered, and we hope early on in the courtship or whatever we call dating and getting to know each other these days, then both parties can respectfully move on knowing that it was fun; this is not who or what I really want for my life; now keep it moving. “It’s not you, it’s me”, or maybe you’re just not for me. As we continue to define ourselves and life goals and purpose, we will be able to avoid a long drawn out process of the dating game. The marrying type may show up with a long laundry list of qualities, characteristics, income bracket, job-type, religion, race, height, weight, etc…maybe that has been you before too. For many reasons, this doesn’t work either. The best advice, work on yourself at all times because we know that we attract that which we are…we look for someone who is like-minded; someone who is going where we are going; someone who wants what we want out of life; someone to complement us on this journey called life! Someone who makes us want to be a better person. We move from being the serial-dater to becoming the marrying type when we meet this person. They help us to evaluate our life; and our dating life, whether we have one or not. We put away the laundry list, and we become open to the possibilities of love! Of course we keep or develop our standards. We enjoy the moment of the new possibilities while healing from the baggage of past relationships; which sometimes aid in our serial-dating behaviors.

Spring has sprung! Love is in the air, and all things have become new! More updates later on the life and times of your favorite “Love Guru”, Dr. Rae! Smoochez! Remember to fall in love with yourself, God, and your life purpose, and then the love of your life will be revealed! We are so much more attractive when we are busy working on our dreams! The two come together for a purpose; remember that as you are out here on the scene full of serial-daters. It becomes easier as we focus on what’s really important in our lives. Let’s live to date on purpose. Not just to be dating; not to take the fun out of it, but know what you want as you enter into the field. It’s almost like job hunting! LOL! 😉 Work on your “I’m the marrying type” resume’ if that’s your goal. Don’t highlight your negatives. Focus on the positives and what you can add to someone else’s life!