90 Days Probation: New Boo Is Your New Hire

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So you are still high off of the fresh new Boo you met a couple months ago…or are you?  Well, this is still the probationary period.  Let me tell you how it goes down:
The 1st 30 days:

He is fine, intelligent, has some money or knows how to get it.  This man has swept you off of your feet (showin it out) in the first two weeks, ten days to be exact, of knowing him.  You have the ultimate connection.  He listens when you speak; he adores you.  Y’all tweetin, talkin’, textin’, and Facebookin.  (The technology age).  The only part you heard God say was “be fruitful and multiply”; not that “fornicators wouldn’t see the kingdom of heaven”.  And you for dang sure didn’t listen to Steve Harvey when he told you to “Act Like a Lady, and Think Like Man”; something about “no cookies for 90 days”.  Since you didn’t put your cookies on ice or in the freezer or whatever, these first 30 days are like a Las Vegas wedding and honeymoon.  Quick, fun, and easy!  Pun intended!  *wink* So the rose-colored glasses are on, and he can do no wrong.  All is well!  Plenty of dates, plenty of communication, plenty of cookies and desserts to go around because he made it clear that “you don’t need a man, you need a champion”! (Eat, Pray, Love)  So your 90 days is clearly going to be different than the ones Steve, Granny, God and Momma prepped you for.  You 2012 women just make your own rules…no wonder we have less marriages and more sperm donors these days.  I’m just sayin, don’t shoot the messenger!

The 2nd 30 days:

You have become an online stalker trying to figure out Boo’s patterns, other women (potentials), and where he is when he’s not at work or with you; if he is some sort of “FB or Twitter whore”.  He’s still a gentleman explaining that those forms of social media are purely for entertainment; which he owes you no explanation because he’s not your man.  You are still on probation; remember because while you are putting your new hire to the test he’s also testing you Chica!  He has to change it up a little, and keep you guessing, because that’s what they do.  I mean, sister, you are supposed to be doing the same you know.  It’s so romantic to get caught up and give your all, but everyone, you and your beaux, loves a challenge.  So now you are feeling leery or a certain kind of way about Boo and your relationship.  It’s still a relationship/friendship; you just don’t have a commitment/title.  Boo has to find out where the crazy woman within you resides and what he can do to expose her, usually unintentionally (because I don’t really think guys think or strategize as much as we attempt to when it comes to dating).  Because in the first 30 days, both of your representatives showed up to Woo and Wow each other 😉  Now, Mr. New New is working, busy, with friends and family, etc; no time for talking on the phone; and minimal texts and tweets.  Wth?  Now what you gonna do girl?  Is he seeing someone else?  Is he really working or where he says he is?  Why is he not showing it out anymore?  You are thinking “this man has got it twisted!  He doesn’t really know me huh?  I can’t expose the crazy, insecure woman.  I’m too grown for that.”  So needless to say, your next 30 days is going to be interesting.  Since you didn’t listen to the advice of your elders, and you didn’t hear me out in “Journey to Self, Journey to Love”; this is how it must go down:

3rd month with your New Hire:
Because you were lost in the ideal of love, you neglected friends, family, and old Boos (and some of the new candidates who had been trying to get at you).  Now you have to come out of hiding, save face, and re-strategize.  New Boo may not be seeing someone else, he may really be busy working on his Master Plan, but where do you fit in with his schedule? (or maybe he just realized that he enjoys being single and not having to report to anyone; he’s not ready for a commitment; the relationship is still in its infancy)  Okay, so now you need a schedule, which you should have had in the first place, but we all come into these situations at different points in our lives, which is the beauty of it.  Some of us are work-a-holics and some of us may be unemployed.  So what to do while waiting for Boo?  You have to do what you didn’t do in the first 30 days when you dove head first into the sea of much-needed romance.  I have said it a thousand times; make yourself busy girl!  You don’t have to write a book, but there are tons of constructive things you can do rather than destructive.  Human Ego nature will want to call up those old Boos to go on dates, because the one you’d rather be with now has limited time to date you.  I mean keeping your options open is always an option right?  You are not in a committed relationship.  How will your new love feel about this?  Does he have to know?  It really depends on how you feel about him.  Does he make you want to “shut down your operation”?  Then calling the old loves is not the best decision.  If they call you, cool but there is a reason why you are no longer involved with that person.  We move forward not backward.  Ya know?  You definitely need to check in with your girls and get out and have a good time; and although you are not looking for someone new, you are probably going to attract someone new; which can be fun, but remember you have someone new in your life, who you happen to really like, and he is still on probation.  He has 30 more days to show you what the deal is.  I’m not saying that you are going to get the coveted relationship title in 90 days, but this does seem to be a great way to measure who this person is to you and in what capacity you would like him to be in your life;  and how long he wants you in his life.  You also have to remember that we all bring a certain amount of baggage to new relationships.  What happened with your last love interest?  Are you ready for a commitment?  What happened in his last relationship?  Is he ready?


Healing from past loves takes time.  If this man is worth it, you will give him an extension and grace period.  As women, we have to remember to stay in our lanes.  Never try to wear the pants in the relationship.  Show him that you are the smart, beautiful, prize that he first met; not by acting out on Twitter, not by serial texting him about his Twitter, but just by being you…it’s like when you first meet a man and he expresses his interest in you.  Somehow, me being the “Queen of Hearts” and Love Doctor that I am, I have ingrained in my Soul that there is something extra that I have to do to get and keep my man.  The truth, there is nothing that we “have” to do.  The desperate energy of women today is leading us to believe that there is a shortage of men, and that we are in a competition especially with the reality, “non-reality” shows on the snooze tube.  But I don’t buy into that…I know I’m a prize and should operate as such.  A real man, no a champion will recognize your beauty, grace, and confidence.  That’s how you attract and keep him.  All you have to do is show up!  Let him pursue you…let him show you the champion he is; if he is one; let him move mountains for you!  You are a woman…be treated and carry yourself as such!  You may be “a fool for love”, but you ain’t no fool…

So in the last 30 days, will you and your new love interest Fizzle or Sizzle?  Will you keep your new hire around for permanent employment?  Does he want the job?  He will let you know by his actions…and if not, you will have to take new applications.  Simple?  Not always, but life is short and three months of your life should be enjoyed in this process.  If he is a champion, and he decides that he wants you, he knows that the clock is ticking…I wish him luck!  😉

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About Dr. Rae

Raechel “Dr. Rae” Rivers was born, raised, and currently resides in St. Louis, Missouri. She has enjoyed creative writing since childhood, but her love of writing grew even stronger during her college years. “Dr. Rae” prides herself on being able to convey such “real” messages about the journey of love. Her words, racy at times, are what some readers need to hear; would not otherwise say, and appreciate for truth and honesty about love-life situations. “Journey to Self: Journey to Love” is her first self-published book printed by Authorhouse. She completed an Ed.S., Educational Specialist degree, in Curriculum and Instruction at the University of Arkansas, Fayetteville in 2011; and is a world-renowned Writer, Entrepreneur, and Love Coach. Her life's mission involves encouraging women and young women of all ages to “work on you and love yourself just the way you are”. Raechel’s book, blog, and message on Self-Love have gained national and international popularity. As a result, she founded Embrace Enterprises and Publishing in 2012 to teach youth and adults about Self-Love and pursuing their purpose and passions. Her company’s motto is “Embrace You; A Lifestyle to Be You”. Additionally, Ms. Rivers also offers workshops on Writing, Publishing, Entrepreneurship, and one-on-one Love Coaching Sessions. She believes that “love is a journey where you go searching and ultimately find yourself”.

4 responses »

  1. Omg! 90 days! I hadn’t looked at in this comparison but this makes so much sense. I’m in the occupy my time phase and diffinitely hanging with my girls 🙂 This was another Great read Dr. Rae!!!!

    • No, this is not about a game persay, and yes definitely about substance. The theory is that a man knows what he wants from you or who you are to him in the first 90 days or so; if everything is checking out regarding what he’s looking for. Women pretty much know what we want from a man even before 90 days because usually we have one goal and that is committment. At least post-30 for those of us who would like to be married and have children. There is an intrinsic quest to capture his heart and let the mating process begin. 😉 lol!

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