I Didn’t Get the Memo…

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Seven months…that’s how long I’ve known my “love interest”, newly titled “love friend”.  We have surpassed the 90 day mark; see previous post regarding the probationary period, and we are now in the grace period of said “no title phase”.  What is the memo that I didn’t receive you ask?  While I thought we were getting closer to the serious phase, meanwhile boo’s mind is far from thinking about an exclusive relationship with me.  Contrastingly, it has been discussed that he doesn’t want to necessarily hear about my relationships/dates with other guys, which have become non-existent circa a month and a half ago; but feels that he couldn’t object to those relationships since we are not together.  So I was definitely in agreement with that about a month ago when I still had other candidates on the brain, but up until about a month ago, I was in “diss” mode toward other men; where I subconsciously created a serious relationship in my own mind (I have a boyfriend, do I??).  In the midst of what boo was saying; I didn’t hear what he wasn’t saying that like him basically I can’t get upset if he is still seeing other people; but somewhere in there I thought we had a conversation where he said that he wasn’t really seeing anyone else.  My how the tide changes within weeks I’m assuming…we are all entitled to change our minds due to life or whatever contingencies.  He’s a guy, I shouldn’t have expected him to say that if some other young lady or circumstance came along that out of convenience or whatever hormones that he wouldn’t satisfy the urge to indulge himself in said new female.  We are not together remember?
Where did I go wrong initially, I didn’t believe him 7 months ago when he said he wasn’t looking for a relationship?  Did I think I could change him?  Did I think I was the one to help him forget about the last woman who hurt him?  I am not God…clearly I’m not…not trying to be either.  Did I not think that I would begin to have feelings for him?  Honestly, we were both in vulnerable states emotionally when we met.  So now what?  Where do we go from here?  We are not on the same page.  I’m looking for growth in a relationship that has become stagnant.  I can say that I want to be in a committed relationship, with him or just in a relationship?  Both.  Well, the him I’ve created in my head; not necessarily the him who in reality; no longer has time or makes time for, love, lunch, texting, talking or me.  Let’s just face it; I’m no longer the best thing since sliced bread or that new toy on Christmas Day.  Who am I and who have I become to him?  A friend?  The verdict is out on that one.  We have a friendship, yes…this is called the gray zone.  Regardless of what it is, the memo involves seeing and spending time with other people; and now I have to figure out how to mainstream myself back into the society of dating…

 I bought a book “The Breakup Book: A Girl’s Guide to Putting the Pieces Back Together”.  I know what you’re thinking, what?!  How is it that you’re broken up with someone you weren’t even with?  And aren’t you supposed to be the “Love Doctor”?  Yes, I am here to help you and give advice; seldom do I take my own advice.  This valley with my love friend feels like a breakup, and I decided to seek out some help on re-charging the blow to my ego.  The author, Diane Mastromarino., is giving me basically the same info that I give you, but sometimes I need to hear someone else say it.  Same message different messenger.  Besides, the book is funny and a short read only 47 pages with some great quotes.

I have to do whatever works, and what I had been doing between now and last month was unhealthy and could possibly ruin the gray zone of this potential relationship.  This is why it’s important not to put a time cap on love.  We have all kinds of baggage to sort through.  Women and men both come with bags in the post-30 dating world; and this is the reality of the situation.  We are not always going to be on the same page at the same time.  You can love someone and not like them…is this making any sense?  It’s helping me; because I’ve been giving this guy a hard time so I need to share my woes with a whole blog society rather than continue to send him texts about how I don’t understand why he wants to see other women; or whatever he’s doing that’s keeping him from being in a serious relationship with me.  He made a good point that being with me and cheating on me would be an option…wow! So true and we are too old for that! 

In all truth, I’m blessed to call him friend and grateful for his honesty.  This memo has been well received…
Will I see him again you ask, even without a commitment?  Is this worth riding out just a little bit longer?  Stay tuned…     

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About Dr. Rae

Raechel “Dr. Rae” Rivers was born, raised, and currently resides in St. Louis, Missouri. She has enjoyed creative writing since childhood, but her love of writing grew even stronger during her college years. “Dr. Rae” prides herself on being able to convey such “real” messages about the journey of love. Her words, racy at times, are what some readers need to hear; would not otherwise say, and appreciate for truth and honesty about love-life situations. “Journey to Self: Journey to Love” is her first self-published book printed by Authorhouse. She completed an Ed.S., Educational Specialist degree, in Curriculum and Instruction at the University of Arkansas, Fayetteville in 2011; and is a world-renowned Writer, Entrepreneur, and Love Coach. Her life's mission involves encouraging women and young women of all ages to “work on you and love yourself just the way you are”. Raechel’s book, blog, and message on Self-Love have gained national and international popularity. As a result, she founded Embrace Enterprises and Publishing in 2012 to teach youth and adults about Self-Love and pursuing their purpose and passions. Her company’s motto is “Embrace You; A Lifestyle to Be You”. Additionally, Ms. Rivers also offers workshops on Writing, Publishing, Entrepreneurship, and one-on-one Love Coaching Sessions. She believes that “love is a journey where you go searching and ultimately find yourself”.

2 responses »

  1. OMG!! TWIN , I LOVE THIS!! ok been there done that. But sadly as all of us are in the 30’s it have been plenty of memo’s but we settle for that piece of a man. Heck some of us will pay the man to have the attention. I think somebody has forgotten that men have a biological clock,and it is ALWAYS best for them to think you are dating others In fact that is the only way I have gotten through my grey period… JEalousy… the guy (main dummy) is jealous cause i am dating but he didn’t want a serious realtionship with me, so he can just watch me sashay away and partay with the new dude.

    Keep moving Dr. rae!!!!!

    • This is excellent advice Twin! I need to update everyone on where I am with Boo these days…not much to write home about…he is continuing the sharade…lol! That I am allowing…having a hard time keeping it moving! Do I LOVE him? lol! That’s why a girls’ wkend is on deck and in order! Smoochez…to be continued… 😉

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