What a sexy, classy video we have here! Oh the 90s! Women’s sexual liberation and empowerment! Just look at those classic power suits on the men and women in this video. Who misses the 90s? How would I know about the sexual liberation? I was only 11 when this video released; but hey, I just remember all the female rap groups who seemed secure and powerful in their sexuality or want/need for sex. They were fully clothed but hey we got the message even as pre-teens. Not sure if we really knew what we were talking about (we were scared to say the “S” word- it was S-E-X then; we sang the song and spelled it out- and it was funny every time we said it)-middle school… but anyway…
It’s been too dang long since I updated my blog…so much has happened. Too much to compile here. I have finally gotten into a clearer heart and head space to write some stuff. Here goes. Yesterday I posted in a Facebook group,
“Men: if a woman only hits you up for sex or with sexual innuendos how would that make u feel especially if u really liked her & wanted to have a serious relationship with her? Would u pursue a commitment from her?”.
So the men chimed in and to my dismay but not total shock, I’ve found that men think way differently from women regarding this topic. Well not exactly, because most women I know are turned off by men who do it. It’s a double standard and you all can’t do what we do. You will get turned down. Even if your goal is sex, you still have to go about it in another way. Especially over 30 I say…or maybe it’s just me and the majority of women I know. (Unless it’s some Cougar thing where the woman is more like the Sugar Mama but that’s a different subject).
All I’m saying is for women and some men, there has to be some other benefit (conversation, dinner, companionship, paying a bill, etc) other than sex because these hook-ups take away from the time that you could be spending on work or business or serious relationships.
Basically, the men I surveyed informed me that they wouldn’t try to make more of the relationship if it were just sexual. The irony is that many women have tried to do just that; make a sexual relationship into more than physical and have failed repeatedly. These men were adamant in their belief system. I know that these men don’t represent all men, but it was an interesting perspective. They were all over 30 and black. I know that some relationship dynamics work differently in other cultures; and there are some married people despite race, that are with the person who was initially a hook-up.
I didn’t tell these guys but I’m sure they’ll read this post (and they may already know this) but if a woman is contacting you mainly for sex you may want to figure out her motive or why? It kind of seems that these men didn’t care why. They just wanted the benefit of sex; and to answer my initial question, NO, they wouldn’t try to make it more than sex. The downside of this (and I really don’t have to write this) but it DOES happen; if you don’t use protection this woman can wind up becoming the mother of your child/children. That’s a big title for someone who you are not planning to have a serious relationship with. These men said that they would move on from the woman when they were ready for a real relationship. Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic but it doesn’t make sense to me. I do understand the point they were making though. I don’t think this is a prescription for all relationships, but perhaps daters (women) should get more clarity for their motive of hitting the guy up for sex. I shared with my girlfriend that honestly it isn’t even always about the sex; but the sex is sort of the bait. I don’t think guys think that way at ALL. For some women, it’s about the actual companionship whether it only fulfills a need in a pseudo way.
Side Bar: the guys mentioned that the person who initiated the relationship is the only one who can change the dynamic of the relationship. Hmmm…so if the woman who is hitting him up for sex wants more she should say so? I don’t think it works like that but this is what the men reported. Their whole thing was, they’re not going to be the one to attempt to change the dynamic of the relationship. That has to be some male ego thing. I mean if you like or want the woman just say so! This may be far fetched, but I think it’s different with other races (white men) – I’m just saying- some folks are on their 3rd Husband or Wife; and you and Charlie been off and on for 10 years what the heck? Other races seem to move quickly when it comes to—where is this relationship going?- let’s try this thing- if it doesn’t work out-oh well. Keep it moving! As I quote myself, “it’s a total waste of time to have a sexual relationship with someone that you know is not going anywhere. Unless that’s just how you choose to live your life”.
On another note: women my age who have no children and do have children but are single, normally will hit you up during that ONE key week out of the month. See previous post “Single & Ovulating: Post Menstrual Depression or Let’s Get It On?” A few days before her a period and a few days after…it’s hormones. At the base of it, we have these animal/human instincts that tell us it’s time to procreate. (Be fruitful and multiply). So if family planning is not in the cards then wrap it up! (use a condom or birth control) But for the women pushing 40 who desire to have children, this part of the dating process, single or not, may get you a sperm donor; choose wisely! 😉 Men be careful there may be a motive in there somewhere.