Category Archives: distant

Social Media Do’s & Don’ts

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eyes computerAm I the only one in a love/hate relationship with social media these days? At times I find myself spending too much time on sites such as Facebook and Twitter, and being less productive in my personal and business goals as a result. Does that sound like you? In order to overcome this challenge in the new year, I’ve created some social media guidelines in order to discipline myself and the time that I spend on such sites. These suggestions for participating online are my attempt to intervene social media addiction. Having an online presence is a great networking and marketing tool for business; finding like-minded groups of people with similar hobbies/interests; and for staying in touch with family and old colleagues. However, individuals should assess the time they spend online and if it’s making him or her counterproductive. An intervention may be necessary; as I mentioned in an article post on Yahoo Voices, “Social Media Burn Out: Do You Need An Intervention?”. It is my hope that these unspoken rules will help me maintain focus and monitor time spent online for greater productivity in my life because “time is money”. Enjoy!

1) Do give yourself a weekly or daily time limit. It can be addictive; so all day everyday is not cool. There’s a real world going on outside of social media.

2) Don’t use it to communicate with close family and friends—unless it’s only for fun.  Talking on the telephone is more intimate, and sending a text message is more personal than communicating online; even in business.

3) Do use it for positive social networking, business connections, and promotions. You never know who you might meet that can invest in your business idea or become a potential client, customer, business colleague, or employer.

4) Don’t use it to “vent” about your personal life or personal business unless it’s funny lol. Remember every one of your FB friends or Twitter followers is not necessarily your real friend; some of them are just lurkers and “haters”.

5) Do use it to keep current with media, social, and world news; especially if you don’t have a TV like me. I’m going to get one of those antenna devices this year and get some local news and TV programs running so that I know what’s going on in the world.
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6) Don’t over-post random shit. Your Timeline is constantly being bombarded by randomness from you, your friends, celebrity and support group pages you follow. Give it a rest sometimes. If you are annoyed by some of the same posts that you see all day everyday, people are probably annoyed by your posts as well.

7) Death to the “Selfie”. I am guilty as charged on this one. If you must take selfies, pictures of yourself, personal photo shoots in your bathroom, just text the selfie to a friend, boyfriend, or girlfriend. Resist the urge to constantly post them on your social media sites; even Instagram, because some people are lurking or could be stalking you without your knowledge. I’ve watched enough “Criminal Minds” and “Lifetime” movies to believe that serial killers do exist. I have over 100 selfies stored in my phone and all of them have not been posted online, but many of them have. I’m thinking of deleting some of them off of my Facebook page and saving them to my computer’s hard drive. If you happen to go through an introverted social media phase, don’t become the “lurker” or stalker yourself because you really don’t have time for it.

8) Don’t use it as a public display of your relationship status especially if it changes weekly and “it’s complicated”. Social media has turned us all into V.I.P.s so stop being the headliner of the day or week. I’d love to change my status from “single” and post lovey-dovey pictures, but I have none to post. Suit yourself on that one.

9) Do use it to check-in with old classmates and networks from past jobs, church, or groups with whom you’ve been affiliated . Your former colleagues may have job leads or information about a city to which you want to relocate. I believe in its inception some of these social media sites were created for these purposes only. There was one called “Classmates”. It pre-dates Facebook. Also, I remember when Facebook first began, you had to be a college student or in one of the school networks in order to join the site. Now it’s open to everyone and everything. Social media has definitely changed in the last ten years.

10) Don’t believe everything you see or read on there. Everyone is not who they say they are online. Don’t feel bad if your real life doesn’t match your online life. I believe in stretching the truth and acting as if to become all you desire to become; thereby creating the life that you desire. However, you don’t have to become a totally different person as some people online are doing. I believe this tidbit of advice will help those who are considering online dating, certain job posts, or Craigslist advertisements. Just be cautious overall when dealing with people you meet online. You won’t know who’s who until you actually meet them in person.

Distant Lover

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I think I’m gaining an understanding of having my heart stolen, captured, and left in another city or cities. Have you ever felt this way? This feeling of wanting to be with someone who is thousands of miles away…It’s like being sprung…in one sense, being single means just love locally or date locally or enjoy being with the one or ones who are close to you…but love knows no boundaries…when you love someone or we’ll just say extremely like, you want to be with, talk to that person everyday in every way you can…despite boundaries. Do some people shy away from distant relationships because of this feeling? Create a sense of detachment out of fear of not being able to get to the one they want to be with. I haven’t felt this way in a long time…just giving up the locals for someone distant…how does this happen? I think for women it’s easier to give up the locals more so than men, but I may be wrong 😉 “If you can’t have the one you love, love the one you’re with”…sounds like something a man would say…would you truly be happy in doing so? Or maybe that song actually means, you better love who loves you…but ok, I’m seeking something mutual here…lol So the other day, I decided to listen to some Marvin Gaye. “Distant Lover” this song explains it all…I mean it sounds like he had a summer love, and they had to depart from one another. Seasonal lovers…it’s like trying to turn a season into a lifetime. So as we continue to search or not search for love…which in actuality throughout this journey we continuously learn about ourselves and ultimately if we did not possess that self love, find “that” in the search. Inherently, the lesson is to not give your heart away too soon…some type of trust and understanding of communication should be established first…in situations near or far.

So I am learning, but I also see why it takes some people a long time to trust, love, or give away their hearts. I’m not saying not to love or trust, but when you do love so freely, openly, honestly, everyone is not ready to or doesn’t receive it…so you can love by letting them go or developing a sense of detachment…only a detachment that protects yourself but does not hurt others’ feelings. It can be a catch 22. The lesson: love yourself…sounds overrated, but it is true…when you love yourself, it doesn’t matter what someone does or doesn’t do to you or for you. You have already taken care of yourself…

Hmm…in loving someone who is distant or being/acting distant, one may wonder, what is the point of loving or having someone who you can’t be with or see or talk to? Again, I guess the point is more so to learn about yourself. There is something called a “love language”. We don’t all possess the same one. Someone who is acting distant may just have a different love language than you. Okay so that’s a positive. In my mind, I’m thinking…”if he doesn’t call/text…stalk or etc. everyday, something is wrong with him…should I take a hint…he doesn’t love me or let alone like me”…but it’s like when we’re together…everything is perfect and roses or when we do talk…so there is definitely something off in the communication…or maybe I’m just reading too much into what seems to me like a lack of communication. Now if the stalker was someone that I didn’t like, then I’d be annoyed…a catch 22. Kind of a sad situation because I want things to be one way, but in the reality of my mind they are this way…long distance…not committed…hmm…don’t talk/text everyday…detached. Again what’s the point or purpose?

Maybe I’m void in the department of self-love, which is why I seek an outside source of love…hmmm? Ok, just maybe…maybe I need to re-focus, change my focus. Again, just let this person go…allow them to be free and to communicate their love language to me or not…I’ve already communicated mine…even if they don’t care, don’t receive and are not listening. Do I change or alter my love language? Feel bouts of sadness from having withdrawals of him? Find someone else to love? The answer to these questions is NO!! Be yourself, cheer up, and love you!! Change takes time, but we must work on it everyday. Self-improve…read, work out, stay busy, work on career, hang with family and friends, date others (if you’re feeling up to it)…there’s a lot to do while sitting around waiting for the one you love to call…the one who already knows how you feel about him…I am not one to hide my feelings, but I can’t control what someone does with that info. I don’t know his reaction. He says that the feelings are mutual, but I don’t see that in his actions.

Again, I’m learning…more so about me than anything or anyone else…my aim is to be free from all of my anxieties…to get through this process and come out loving myself more…knowing myself best…expecting the best in life and from others…but also with the reality that things happen and that I can’t change someone and that regardless of what I do or say, people are going to be and do themselves anyway with or without my love. Right now, I’m reluctant to start anything new or rekindle anything old. I’m not up for it. I just want to do me…and work on me…I know that I’ve fallen in love with someone…but is it really love…okay so I won’t say in love, but that I do love someone…again though…”if it isn’t love, then say what it is” lol…another song. Seriously, it may feel like love, but it could be infatuation…the opposite would be unconditional love which involves the ability of sacrifice…would I give this person a lung…an arm…a kidney…whoa!! So maybe it’s not love…it’s a good feeling, but not when it’s not reciprocated the way I expect it. So I would like to see where these feelings lead me with this person…maybe it will just be “history” or something to go in the “friend” file…which is okay with me right now 😉 It hurts a little…but who said that growing had to feel good…I know that I will look back on these experiences a changed woman…a “grown” woman…a wise woman…and someone who is at peace about my life for choosing to not harden my heart despite what people do or don’t do.