Category Archives: lover

“I Wanna Sex You Up…”

Standard

What a sexy, classy video we have here!  Oh the 90s!  Women’s sexual liberation and empowerment!  Just look at those classic power suits on the men and women in this video.  Who misses the 90s?  How would I know about the sexual liberation? I was only 11 when this video released; but hey, I just remember all the female rap groups who seemed secure and powerful in their sexuality or want/need for sex.  They were fully clothed but hey we got the message even as pre-teens. Not sure if we really knew what we were talking about (we were scared to say the “S” word- it was S-E-X then; we sang the song and spelled it out- and it was funny every time we said it)-middle school… but anyway…

It’s been too dang long since I updated my blog…so much has happened.  Too much to compile here.  I have finally gotten into a clearer heart and head space to write some stuff.  Here goes.  Yesterday I posted in a Facebook group,

“Men: if a woman only hits you up for sex or with sexual innuendos how would that make u feel especially if u really liked her & wanted to have a serious relationship with her? Would u pursue a commitment from her?”.

So the men chimed in and to my dismay but not total shock, I’ve found that men think way differently from women regarding this topic.  Well not exactly, because most women I know are turned off by men who do it.  It’s a double standard and you all can’t do what we do.  You will get turned down. Even if your goal is sex, you still have to go about it in another way.  Especially over 30 I say…or maybe it’s just me and the majority of women I know. (Unless it’s some Cougar thing where the woman is more like the Sugar Mama but that’s a different subject).  cougar
All I’m saying is for women and some men, there has to be some other benefit (conversation, dinner, companionship, paying a bill, etc) other than sex because these hook-ups take away from the time that you could be spending on work or business or serious relationships.

Basically, the men I surveyed informed me that they wouldn’t try to make more of the relationship if it were just sexual.  The irony is that many women have tried to do just that; make a sexual relationship into more than physical and have failed repeatedly.  These men were adamant in their belief system.  I know that these men don’t represent all men, but it was an interesting perspective.  They were all over 30 and black.  I know that some relationship dynamics work differently in other cultures; and there are some married people despite race, that are with the person who was initially a hook-up.

I didn’t tell these guys but I’m sure they’ll read this post (and they may already know this) but if a woman is contacting you mainly for sex you may want to figure out her motive or why? It kind of seems that these men didn’t care why. They just wanted the benefit of sex; and to answer my initial question, NO, they wouldn’t try to make it more than sex.  The downside of this (and I really don’t have to write this) but it DOES happen; if you don’t use protection this woman can wind up becoming the mother of your child/children.  That’s a big title for someone who you are not planning to have a serious relationship with.  These men said that they would move on from the woman when they were ready for a real relationship.  Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic but it doesn’t make sense to me.  I do understand the point they were making though.  I don’t think this is a prescription for all relationships, but perhaps daters (women) should get more clarity for their motive of hitting the guy up for sex.  I shared with my girlfriend that honestly it isn’t even always about the sex; but the sex is sort of the bait.  I don’t think guys think that way at ALL.  For some women, it’s about the actual companionship whether it only fulfills a need in a pseudo way.

Side Bar: the guys mentioned that the person who initiated the relationship is the only one who can change the dynamic of the relationship.  Hmmm…so if the woman who is hitting him up for sex wants more she should say so?  I don’t think it works like that but this is what the men reported.  Their whole thing was, they’re not going to be the one to attempt to change the dynamic of the relationship. That has to be some male ego thing.  I mean if you like or want the woman just say so!  This may be far fetched, but I think it’s different with other races (white men) – I’m just saying- some folks are on their 3rd Husband or Wife; and you and Charlie been off and on for 10 years what the heck?  Other races seem to move quickly when it comes to—where is this relationship going?- let’s try this thing- if it doesn’t work out-oh well.  Keep it moving!  As I quote myself, “it’s a total waste of time to have a sexual relationship with someone that you know is not going anywhere. Unless that’s just how you choose to live your life”.

On another note: women my age who have no children and do have children but are single, normally will hit you up during that ONE key week out of the month.  See previous post “Single & Ovulating: Post Menstrual Depression or Let’s Get It On?” A few days before her a period and a few days after…it’s hormones.  At the base of it, we have these animal/human instincts that tell us it’s time to procreate. (Be fruitful and multiply). So if family planning is not in the cards then wrap it up! (use a condom or birth control) But for the women pushing 40 who desire to have children, this part of the dating process, single or not, may get you a sperm donor; choose wisely!  😉  Men be careful there may be a motive in there somewhere.

Is Dating a Requirement?

Standard

Is dating a requirement?  Why yes!  How else are you supposed to get to know someone?  I hope this will be my last post on this topic.  I’m starting to sound like a broken record on the ins and outs of dating; hey, it keeps me in business *wink*.  Why is dating so important?  And what is its purpose?  Do you date on purpose?  Or do you just date for fun?  I guess what I’m asking is do you date to mate?  Dating is fun!  It can get expensive and/or creative.  Expensive for the big spenders and those who really want to impress.  I’m not just talking about the person paying for the dates.  Traditionally, the guy pays for the date and the woman pays to make herself look good.  As I always say, there are things you can do for creative dates to save money and look good.  The key is to be yourself while impressing your date.
dating1
So why do we do it?  Why do we go through all the trouble of putting our best foot forward for a potential love match?  It’s fun!  And did I mention it’s fun?  I love dating!  I love getting dressed up and going out to try new restaurants and attractions; yes even in my hometown.  Even if I wasn’t dating to mate (I’m guilty), I would still be a dater.  I am not the type of woman who likes to sit at home often.  Every once and a while staying home as well as dating indoors, dinner and a movie makes a nice date, especially after you get to know someone; and in the Winter time.  But yesterday marked the beginning of almost Summer and Holiday fun and there is so much to do! 

Are you ready?  You know the Winter months were a little rough for me.  I spent Valentine’s Day alone this year…boooooo…so what right?!  Spring has officially blossomed, and I believe that New Love is on the horizon!  (I get so excited because the warmer weather makes me feel good).  Some people say that Spring and Summer are the break-up seasons.  Well, I beg to differ!  “I’ve got Sunshine… in the month of May”.  What does that mean?  New beginnings.  What are you expecting?  We just had a Full Moon the other day.  Whenever there is a full moon, generally around the time we move from one Zodiac to the other, we are now in Gemini, we are to release what’s old and embrace what’s new.  Have you been desiring changes in your life and love life?  I have.  I haven’t been completely happy in my current job or dating life.  I have been longing for changes to happen in my career and dating situation.  I want big changes which may include a new job and a new love.  I’m just saying…sometimes relationships and jobs are one in the same.  Everything is relative and reflective of where we are in our lives.  What goes on inside of us manifests outwardly.
pinkflowers
I am all about encouraging us to pursue our own happiness and desires.  Where we are right now does not determine where will go in the future; only our decisions and actions will.  If it’s time for something new in your career and/or dating life, then it’s time to move on.  I’m just going to keep it real with you, if you found a better job, with more benefits and pay, or how about just something more in line with where you see yourself in your happier future, even at the same pay, wouldn’t you quit that other job? *note* (that advice is not for married people; single daters only).  Now professionally, you should give your former job a two weeks’ notice; but sometimes when it’s time to go, you gotta go!  Stop wasting time in your valuable life.  If you would move on to be happier in your professional life, why wouldn’t you do that in your dating life?  I don’t know how long I’ll be blessed to live, but I want to spend it happy and enjoying it not depressed.  It’s easier to change yourself and your life situations than it is to change others.  Don’t try to change others; do your best at being you.  I may designate this season of life “Self-Love Season”, just for Spring and Summer.  As you know, self-love never goes out of season.  We must love ourselves at all times.  When we are in right relationship with self, not egotistically, then we can be in right relationship with others.
self-love For me, I’m at an age in which I don’t want to play around anymore in my dating life or career.  I know that these things take time and patience sometimes, but when the right opportunities are presented we must move swiftly with the currents of life.  No prayer goes unheard!  Please please embrace all that is new in your life in this season.  What are you waiting for?  Make sure that you are on the same page with whom you are dating…you don’t want to scare anyone away, but if you are dating to mate, and looking for a lifetime partner, you don’t have time to waste with someone who is only looking for a temporary position in your life!
blacklove
Happy Spring!  Happy Summer!  Happy Dating!  It is not wrong to pursue your own dream life and happiness!  Good Luck!

Love,

Dr. Rae
 

Why Why Why???

Standard

Why do we like who we like?  Why do we do what we do?  Why are we the way we are?  As it relates to dating, love, and relationships, how do we enact the process?  Are we like animals in the wild instinctively mating during various cycles and times of the month?  Or Do we rationally choose who we date and why?
animalsmating
First let’s address why we like who we like.  When we first meet someone there is obviously some sort of physical attraction; depending on the type of dater you are.  For me, there is usually a physical feature or something in the guys’ appearance that is attractive.  It could be his face, hair, accent, height, demeanor, or the way he carries himself.  Typically, these characteristics represent physical attraction, and everyone has a particular preference or type of person they are drawn to for reasons that we can’t always explain.  This phenomenon is similar to simply being attracted to certain colors or other things we like; like clothing, cars, etc.  I believe that what we like or buy somehow represents us and our personality. That would be the major explanation for why we like what we like initially.  It could be from our upbringing or how we were bred.  Some people may have been born with a silver spoon and have already been pre-exposed to knowing about the “finer” things in life.  However, if a person has never had any materialistic type of things, expensive cars, clothes, etc, he or she may seek those things out.  There is nothing wrong with exploring a different side of life.  Contrastingly, you have people who are just the opposite.  Their personality is more in line with the simple things in life.  They may even be an environmentalist type of person.  What does all of this have to do with dating?  In choosing a mate, once we move passed our animal instinct of “ooo look at the nice looking man or woman, come on let’s mate” (be fruitful and multiply) without thinking, we realize that we attract who we are.  Or is it that opposites attract?  We just like who we like; this person represents some aspect of ourselves or the self we would like to be or become.  (The two become one).
soulmates1
So how do we choose our mate? Or why do we choose who we choose?  I’ve always said that it’s easier for men than women; but the men argue that it’s not.  So once we move beyond the physical attraction of the person, what’s next?  There has to be something about the person during the getting to know you process that keeps you attracted. The relationship can’t all be physical right? Not in choosing a Mate or life-long partner.  I hope that we are looking for some substance in this process.  Maybe some are not but this post is not intended for that type of casual dater; we’ve all been there before, and this is how some choose to date.  “Willy Nilly”…you hear people say all the time that they’re not looking for anything.  Is it because they are not the settling down type?  Then you hear people say, well, I wasn’t looking for a partner when I met my Husband or Wife or Girlfriend or Boyfriend…is it because they were busy with the business of life?  It is a thin line between the two.  We must keep ourselves busy with life; however we have to make time to date if our goal is to meet our potential Husband or Wife.  On the other hand, we should not live obsessing over our Future Mate, and how we are having such a difficult time; and how we keep dating or finding losers!  Yes, I’ve been there before too.

So what is it about the potential or the men or women that you are dating that keeps you holding on and hoping that he or she is Mr. or Ms. Right?  Is it their looks? (How shallow). Is it their money, educational level, the way they treat you?  What is it?  It is a combination of things.  Does this person have a plan for their life?  Does this person want to or plan to get married one day?  How does this person really feel about you?  Are they good with money and investments?  If they have children (we’re in the 30s), are they a good parent?  How do they treat their parents or other family members?  These are important questions to ask yourself, your potential, and also to observe through this process.  Have you clearly defined what you are looking for in a Mate?  We all think we know what we want; I hope.  But still sometimes we often wind up settling…we settle into what’s comfortable at the time.  The downside of staying in a comfortable situation is that you run the risk of not really getting the type of relationship that you desire.
Young Couple Seated Back To Back
For example, when you first meet a person, they are all about impressing you.  For the ladies, the guy will take you out; show you off to some of his friends; spend lots of time with you, the getting to know you phase (in the beginning).  Then he becomes more comfortable with you and his true colors come out; now all of a sudden he says that he doesn’t have the money to go out or that he doesn’t really like to go out.  What do you do?  Is this the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with knowing that you are the type of person who enjoys nights on the town with your Man?  I’m just saying; I know that’s not what relationships are all about, but how do you deal with someone who has portrayed such extremes in your relationship?  Do we stay in that situation for supposed love or just keep it moving?  You decide…

It seems that dating takes too much work…it should be fun right?  I remember when I was in college a guy friend said that dating is expensive.  I can definitely see how that could be true from a man’s perspective.  If he’s a gentleman, then he’s all about paying for the dinner, movie, and/or lunch, the outing.  I’ve always said that daters should become more creative.  There are lots of free ways to date which happen to be more romantic than spending lots of money on food that’s not always that good anyway.  Dating, choosing, and finding our mate takes time and balance.  If you live a balanced life, then you can attract a balanced Mate.  Unfortunately, life will throw plenty of challenges at us everyday.  In our effort to stay sane, life will affect the way we interact with our potential mates.  Do you date more than one person at a time?  It all depends on if you have the time to right; and again it can get expensive.  Maybe the first or second date could be a trip to the gym or a nice walk in the park; or maybe to church.  What’s most important in dating is finding common ground.  You have to have some things in common.  No, it doesn’t have to be everything in common; that could be quite boring.  You have to be able to talk to and communicate with your ideal Mate; and you will find early on if you mesh well with or are compatible with this person.
happy daters

I always say…just be you!  Your potential will love you even more if you know who you are; what you’re willing to accept; and what you stand for!  Good luck in love and dating! And please have fun!  Stay focused; stay purposed; and Be True to You!  I love you all!
Be you2

 –Dr. Rae ❤

In Transition…

Standard

Happy 2013! We are officially well into the New Year; it’s almost March!  It seems I’ve been hiding…hiding from you all and hiding from myself.  You ever just feel so scatter-brained? We pray for change with the New Year making resolutions and such.  This year I didn’t make resolutions but a New Year’s Wish List.  I haven’t quite seen these wishes come true, but the good news is that I feel them on the horizon.  A new friend of mine asked me, when I told him about my wish list plan, did I write out how I would accomplish them.  Now there’s a thought.  No, I didn’t plan it out; I just had to write out what I want to happen in 2013.  Write the vision down; know what it is that you want from life.  In reality, I don’t feel as though I’ve been true to or working hard enough to see these dreams come into manifestation.  It’s easy just to coast along, but let us remember that we must take action with the energy of the New Year instead of letting it get away from us.  Sometimes we can be in such a rush for change that we will try too hard.  On the other hand, if we don’t keep referring to what we want, like actually looking at our list of goals and desires, we lose sight of them and get caught up in the everyday pressures of living life.  Pressures, meaning whatever life can unexpectedly throw at you such as illness, financial woes, lost love life or loved ones, etc.  We must learn to navigate through the hardships while attempting to enjoy life and focus on what makes us happy in life such as pursuing our goals.
set goalsNow this brings me to our love topic of the day.  I plan to go live again soon on my YouTube Channel www.youtube.com/drraelovecoach for a 2013 message.  Where are we in our love lives today?  Here goes… the love life is just as scattered as the brain.  Everything is connected here.  Let me explain.  For example, after a 20 minute conversation with the 2012 Boo-Thang on December 30th, and evaluating where I am on this day in February, somehow it all makes sense.  I thought I’d found the one…one of the ones…you know you get that feeling sometimes.  I spent countless energy attempting to pursue this relationship with said Boo-Thang who continued to mention his emotional unavailability due to a break-up that occurred earlier in the year.  We had some great times in 2012, but I was unable to obtain that sought after solid relationship with a title that I’ve been searching for/desiring.  Which brings us to the present day 2013…transition.
cocoon
The transition is a strange but excellent place to be in.  Like everything it has its pros and cons.  Essentially, this is what the 2012 Boo-Thang was trying to express.  Long story short, he felt as if we needed to focus on getting our lives together instead of being in a relationship.  As the holidays have come and gone, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine’s Day, I found myself alone.  Not even a Boo-Thang to share them with…this reality check at age 32 has hit me in the face…and heart…but now I’m back and ready to pursue my purpose and passions.  I’m ready to get my life in order and together.  So you’re thinking “haven’t you been doing this for awhile now”…why yes.  I spent the last six years pursuing a Doctorate degree that I was unable to complete.  How long will this transition last and what exactly is it?  This is no longer the finding myself transition.  Someone asked me that the other day.  “He said you didn’t have a Valentine because you’re finding you”…uh No… I had a Valentine last year and where is he today?  He ran away…because he was in transition when I met him…I’ve always thought that I was ready to settle down.  I still am…but we all must go through the transition.  It is similar to finding yourself…only it goes deeper than that.  It doesn’t matter your age when you go through this process.  I’m thinking that if we don’t complete this transition at a given time, we’ll have to pick it back up again.  What am I talking about?  Really pursuing what you are passionate about!

I want security…the kind that doesn’t come from a 9-5; the type of jobs I’ve been trying to obtain for almost two years now.  It’s bewildering because it shouldn’t take so much to get a job these days.  Is it because the Universe, God, is pushing me to a different calling? Something outside of the norm?  A few weeks ago, my mom said that I act as if my book, my baby, doesn’t exist.  That’s a mortifying thought.  I have allowed the pressures of life to get in the way of what I believe in.  Have I lost love for my baby?  My creativity…the thing that makes me unique?  Let us not lose sight of our gifts and talents because at the end of the day we are worth more than any 9-5 can provide for us.  We don’t knock the hustle or the so called stability of it…but what do we really want?
mybook2012  Some may say, I want my Husband and kids…me too…but when he comes along will I be ready?  Will I put my passions to the side for him and to start a family or will I be ready to roll!  I’ll have something in place that looks like I’m ready.  Here’s what I’ve done and accomplished…for now…I’m just in transition.  So when the next stranger, old, young, married…whatever, whoever tries to make you feel insecure for being over 30 and single just say…”I’m in transition”…God is still preparing me for who and what He has for me.  I have a BIG dream to accomplish!

If they can’t respect that, then you definitely don’t have time for the distraction. Keep it moving!

I didn’t say don’t date…but don’t settle or allow anyone to make you feel like something is wrong with you…God has someone for you because you believe.  We attract that which we are…as we get more settled from the transition, the right person will appear. By this time we will be more confident in ourselves for working toward the dream we believe in.
butterfly

 

STL Author’s New Book Takes a Unique Journey Through Love

Standard

STL Author’s New Book Takes a Unique Journey Through Love
by Raegan Johnson

Like many women, Raechel Rivers, 32, grew up with dreams of meeting prince charming, having a few kids and living happily ever after.  But, roughly 42 percent of African American women have never been married—and Rivers is one of them.

“When I reached my late twenties, I began to wonder when is it going to happen?” she says. “I watched friends get married, fall in love, and I wondered why my time hadn’t come. Then I realized I was on a journey toward love, but it didn’t involve anyone else.”

Rivers’ new book, Journey to Self; Journey to Love, is a collection of personal poems, thoughts, and blog entries from her journey through love.

“This book portrays a young woman crossing over from the confusion of adolescence to the responsibility of womanhood–with a sense of self-knowledge,” she says. “In my search for love, I’ve continued to make a full circle back to myself and my Creator. Some of the stories are sad and some funny, but all are worth sharing.”

Journey to Self; Journey to Love is available for $13.99 on Authorhouse.com or $14.99 at Barnes & Noble and on Amazon.com.

“When blogging first became popular, I would post my reflections and thoughts about love and dating,” she says.  “I received a lot of positive feedback. People were inspired and could relate. They suggested that I document what I was posting.  So I did, and it became my book; sort of like a journal.”

Rivers says writing the book was liberating as she faced inner struggles and learning to love herself.

“Through the book, I was able to move forward without dwelling on failed relationships and develop new, healthy relationships. This book is geared more toward single women; but it is also for anyone who wants to discover or re-discover how to love their own person, love God and love others.”

With so many love and relationship books on the market, Rivers says authenticity makes her book stand out.

“I keep it real!” she said.  “I do not sugarcoat how it feels to be single. I do not sugarcoat what single women go through in finding ourselves and navigating through dating and relationships.  I’m not afraid of the truth; it is what sets me free.”

For Rivers, Journey to Self; Journey to Love is just the beginning.

“I’m working on the Self-Love Handbook as a follow-up book,” she said.  “It is more of a guidebook than a tell-all. I am also working on a possible fiction book and a screenplay.”

Follow Rivers’ blog on https://drrae.wordpress.com, www.twitter.com/raeluvs2write, www.youtube.com/drraelovecoach.

I Didn’t Get the Memo…

Standard

Seven months…that’s how long I’ve known my “love interest”, newly titled “love friend”.  We have surpassed the 90 day mark; see previous post regarding the probationary period, and we are now in the grace period of said “no title phase”.  What is the memo that I didn’t receive you ask?  While I thought we were getting closer to the serious phase, meanwhile boo’s mind is far from thinking about an exclusive relationship with me.  Contrastingly, it has been discussed that he doesn’t want to necessarily hear about my relationships/dates with other guys, which have become non-existent circa a month and a half ago; but feels that he couldn’t object to those relationships since we are not together.  So I was definitely in agreement with that about a month ago when I still had other candidates on the brain, but up until about a month ago, I was in “diss” mode toward other men; where I subconsciously created a serious relationship in my own mind (I have a boyfriend, do I??).  In the midst of what boo was saying; I didn’t hear what he wasn’t saying that like him basically I can’t get upset if he is still seeing other people; but somewhere in there I thought we had a conversation where he said that he wasn’t really seeing anyone else.  My how the tide changes within weeks I’m assuming…we are all entitled to change our minds due to life or whatever contingencies.  He’s a guy, I shouldn’t have expected him to say that if some other young lady or circumstance came along that out of convenience or whatever hormones that he wouldn’t satisfy the urge to indulge himself in said new female.  We are not together remember?
Where did I go wrong initially, I didn’t believe him 7 months ago when he said he wasn’t looking for a relationship?  Did I think I could change him?  Did I think I was the one to help him forget about the last woman who hurt him?  I am not God…clearly I’m not…not trying to be either.  Did I not think that I would begin to have feelings for him?  Honestly, we were both in vulnerable states emotionally when we met.  So now what?  Where do we go from here?  We are not on the same page.  I’m looking for growth in a relationship that has become stagnant.  I can say that I want to be in a committed relationship, with him or just in a relationship?  Both.  Well, the him I’ve created in my head; not necessarily the him who in reality; no longer has time or makes time for, love, lunch, texting, talking or me.  Let’s just face it; I’m no longer the best thing since sliced bread or that new toy on Christmas Day.  Who am I and who have I become to him?  A friend?  The verdict is out on that one.  We have a friendship, yes…this is called the gray zone.  Regardless of what it is, the memo involves seeing and spending time with other people; and now I have to figure out how to mainstream myself back into the society of dating…

 I bought a book “The Breakup Book: A Girl’s Guide to Putting the Pieces Back Together”.  I know what you’re thinking, what?!  How is it that you’re broken up with someone you weren’t even with?  And aren’t you supposed to be the “Love Doctor”?  Yes, I am here to help you and give advice; seldom do I take my own advice.  This valley with my love friend feels like a breakup, and I decided to seek out some help on re-charging the blow to my ego.  The author, Diane Mastromarino., is giving me basically the same info that I give you, but sometimes I need to hear someone else say it.  Same message different messenger.  Besides, the book is funny and a short read only 47 pages with some great quotes.

I have to do whatever works, and what I had been doing between now and last month was unhealthy and could possibly ruin the gray zone of this potential relationship.  This is why it’s important not to put a time cap on love.  We have all kinds of baggage to sort through.  Women and men both come with bags in the post-30 dating world; and this is the reality of the situation.  We are not always going to be on the same page at the same time.  You can love someone and not like them…is this making any sense?  It’s helping me; because I’ve been giving this guy a hard time so I need to share my woes with a whole blog society rather than continue to send him texts about how I don’t understand why he wants to see other women; or whatever he’s doing that’s keeping him from being in a serious relationship with me.  He made a good point that being with me and cheating on me would be an option…wow! So true and we are too old for that! 

In all truth, I’m blessed to call him friend and grateful for his honesty.  This memo has been well received…
Will I see him again you ask, even without a commitment?  Is this worth riding out just a little bit longer?  Stay tuned…     

Race & Dating Matters: Man Is Still Man

Standard

Please don’t be mistaken; men are men.  There is something intrinsic about them, quite strange, where they feel they have been designed to hunt and conquer you.  Even once you land your man, ie marry, or get that sought after relationship title; it seems that you can’t show him that you are all in…this we’ve heard our elders say, and this we know from experience.  We must move away from the stereotypes such as “white men marry, with foreigners you don’t have to work, and with black men you do have to work”, blah blah blah!  Each man has his own personality and specific desire of his ideal woman.  He will let you know if you are his “Dream Girl”; he will show you.  Words are becoming so played out these days…we look for the actions to line up with the heart of a man.  So despite race…man is still man…you just be the beautiful, smart, and confident woman that you are…and don’t chase down love…you may chase him away…

While I’m on this notion that man is still man, please don’t become so blind-sided by the ideal of love that you miss the fact that we are living in some harsh times of dark energy.  Meaning, woman, Sistas, and all of my Sisters of every race…pray, pray, pray!  You don’t want to attract a man who only wants a piece of you because of your race or skin color; how shallow.  Unfortunately, there are still some guys out here like that.  We must pray for discernment with any man to find out his true intentions with us.  He may only be looking for a good time; he may have no real intentions of being with you.  He may just want to say that he’s been with a (insert race) woman.  He may be carrying his own stereotypes, like “a black woman will rock his world; a white woman will do anything in the bedroom”, and I don’t know what they’re saying about all my other Sisters of other races; “Asian women are here to serve”.  Please be careful ladies!
The other extreme is men who only want to date you because you all are not the same race.  These men possess self-hatred and prejudice against their own people, which is a learned behavior.  Recently, one of my mom’s friends called to attempt to hook me up with a young man who believes that “black women are trashy”.  Wow!  So you are talking about your mother too I assume.  So now he wants to date white women.  I’m sorry but there are trashy women of all races out here.  So I guess she wanted him to meet me so that he can change his perspective; but I don’t want any parts of the re-education of this lost young man.  Maybe he can just read this blog post. 😉Additionally, people seem to be living in a fear zone of some post-racism war, which mind you never ended decades ago.  Things became hush hush; Affirmative Action became popular for a stint; and Black athletes have been coined as the new 40 Million Dollar Slave.  Furthermore, in the sports and entertainment industry, White and foreign women have been impressed upon these men; that these women are better than black women, which further promotes self-hatred and prejudice.  Black women picked up on this vibe in the media and entertainment incurring the same belief system and losing our own self-love; longing to look more like a woman of European, Brazilian, or other descent; anything but African.  I digress but as I stated earlier, prejudice of self and others is a learned behavior.  We either get it from home; from our own people; or from society and the media.

I am very proud of my brothers and sisters who banded together Nationwide to tell America that a half Mexican, half White police officer had no right to harass and kill a young black boy and get away with it.  Justice was served; and we still have a long way to go.  My own personal voice will continue writing for the promotion of peace and self-love; love of God, who lives in you; and love of others.  How can we love God and not love each other?  We are fighting a spiritual war; and “blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God”.