Category Archives: marrying

“I Wanna Sex You Up…”

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What a sexy, classy video we have here!  Oh the 90s!  Women’s sexual liberation and empowerment!  Just look at those classic power suits on the men and women in this video.  Who misses the 90s?  How would I know about the sexual liberation? I was only 11 when this video released; but hey, I just remember all the female rap groups who seemed secure and powerful in their sexuality or want/need for sex.  They were fully clothed but hey we got the message even as pre-teens. Not sure if we really knew what we were talking about (we were scared to say the “S” word- it was S-E-X then; we sang the song and spelled it out- and it was funny every time we said it)-middle school… but anyway…

It’s been too dang long since I updated my blog…so much has happened.  Too much to compile here.  I have finally gotten into a clearer heart and head space to write some stuff.  Here goes.  Yesterday I posted in a Facebook group,

“Men: if a woman only hits you up for sex or with sexual innuendos how would that make u feel especially if u really liked her & wanted to have a serious relationship with her? Would u pursue a commitment from her?”.

So the men chimed in and to my dismay but not total shock, I’ve found that men think way differently from women regarding this topic.  Well not exactly, because most women I know are turned off by men who do it.  It’s a double standard and you all can’t do what we do.  You will get turned down. Even if your goal is sex, you still have to go about it in another way.  Especially over 30 I say…or maybe it’s just me and the majority of women I know. (Unless it’s some Cougar thing where the woman is more like the Sugar Mama but that’s a different subject).  cougar
All I’m saying is for women and some men, there has to be some other benefit (conversation, dinner, companionship, paying a bill, etc) other than sex because these hook-ups take away from the time that you could be spending on work or business or serious relationships.

Basically, the men I surveyed informed me that they wouldn’t try to make more of the relationship if it were just sexual.  The irony is that many women have tried to do just that; make a sexual relationship into more than physical and have failed repeatedly.  These men were adamant in their belief system.  I know that these men don’t represent all men, but it was an interesting perspective.  They were all over 30 and black.  I know that some relationship dynamics work differently in other cultures; and there are some married people despite race, that are with the person who was initially a hook-up.

I didn’t tell these guys but I’m sure they’ll read this post (and they may already know this) but if a woman is contacting you mainly for sex you may want to figure out her motive or why? It kind of seems that these men didn’t care why. They just wanted the benefit of sex; and to answer my initial question, NO, they wouldn’t try to make it more than sex.  The downside of this (and I really don’t have to write this) but it DOES happen; if you don’t use protection this woman can wind up becoming the mother of your child/children.  That’s a big title for someone who you are not planning to have a serious relationship with.  These men said that they would move on from the woman when they were ready for a real relationship.  Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic but it doesn’t make sense to me.  I do understand the point they were making though.  I don’t think this is a prescription for all relationships, but perhaps daters (women) should get more clarity for their motive of hitting the guy up for sex.  I shared with my girlfriend that honestly it isn’t even always about the sex; but the sex is sort of the bait.  I don’t think guys think that way at ALL.  For some women, it’s about the actual companionship whether it only fulfills a need in a pseudo way.

Side Bar: the guys mentioned that the person who initiated the relationship is the only one who can change the dynamic of the relationship.  Hmmm…so if the woman who is hitting him up for sex wants more she should say so?  I don’t think it works like that but this is what the men reported.  Their whole thing was, they’re not going to be the one to attempt to change the dynamic of the relationship. That has to be some male ego thing.  I mean if you like or want the woman just say so!  This may be far fetched, but I think it’s different with other races (white men) – I’m just saying- some folks are on their 3rd Husband or Wife; and you and Charlie been off and on for 10 years what the heck?  Other races seem to move quickly when it comes to—where is this relationship going?- let’s try this thing- if it doesn’t work out-oh well.  Keep it moving!  As I quote myself, “it’s a total waste of time to have a sexual relationship with someone that you know is not going anywhere. Unless that’s just how you choose to live your life”.

On another note: women my age who have no children and do have children but are single, normally will hit you up during that ONE key week out of the month.  See previous post “Single & Ovulating: Post Menstrual Depression or Let’s Get It On?” A few days before her a period and a few days after…it’s hormones.  At the base of it, we have these animal/human instincts that tell us it’s time to procreate. (Be fruitful and multiply). So if family planning is not in the cards then wrap it up! (use a condom or birth control) But for the women pushing 40 who desire to have children, this part of the dating process, single or not, may get you a sperm donor; choose wisely!  😉  Men be careful there may be a motive in there somewhere.

Is Dating a Requirement?

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Is dating a requirement?  Why yes!  How else are you supposed to get to know someone?  I hope this will be my last post on this topic.  I’m starting to sound like a broken record on the ins and outs of dating; hey, it keeps me in business *wink*.  Why is dating so important?  And what is its purpose?  Do you date on purpose?  Or do you just date for fun?  I guess what I’m asking is do you date to mate?  Dating is fun!  It can get expensive and/or creative.  Expensive for the big spenders and those who really want to impress.  I’m not just talking about the person paying for the dates.  Traditionally, the guy pays for the date and the woman pays to make herself look good.  As I always say, there are things you can do for creative dates to save money and look good.  The key is to be yourself while impressing your date.
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So why do we do it?  Why do we go through all the trouble of putting our best foot forward for a potential love match?  It’s fun!  And did I mention it’s fun?  I love dating!  I love getting dressed up and going out to try new restaurants and attractions; yes even in my hometown.  Even if I wasn’t dating to mate (I’m guilty), I would still be a dater.  I am not the type of woman who likes to sit at home often.  Every once and a while staying home as well as dating indoors, dinner and a movie makes a nice date, especially after you get to know someone; and in the Winter time.  But yesterday marked the beginning of almost Summer and Holiday fun and there is so much to do! 

Are you ready?  You know the Winter months were a little rough for me.  I spent Valentine’s Day alone this year…boooooo…so what right?!  Spring has officially blossomed, and I believe that New Love is on the horizon!  (I get so excited because the warmer weather makes me feel good).  Some people say that Spring and Summer are the break-up seasons.  Well, I beg to differ!  “I’ve got Sunshine… in the month of May”.  What does that mean?  New beginnings.  What are you expecting?  We just had a Full Moon the other day.  Whenever there is a full moon, generally around the time we move from one Zodiac to the other, we are now in Gemini, we are to release what’s old and embrace what’s new.  Have you been desiring changes in your life and love life?  I have.  I haven’t been completely happy in my current job or dating life.  I have been longing for changes to happen in my career and dating situation.  I want big changes which may include a new job and a new love.  I’m just saying…sometimes relationships and jobs are one in the same.  Everything is relative and reflective of where we are in our lives.  What goes on inside of us manifests outwardly.
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I am all about encouraging us to pursue our own happiness and desires.  Where we are right now does not determine where will go in the future; only our decisions and actions will.  If it’s time for something new in your career and/or dating life, then it’s time to move on.  I’m just going to keep it real with you, if you found a better job, with more benefits and pay, or how about just something more in line with where you see yourself in your happier future, even at the same pay, wouldn’t you quit that other job? *note* (that advice is not for married people; single daters only).  Now professionally, you should give your former job a two weeks’ notice; but sometimes when it’s time to go, you gotta go!  Stop wasting time in your valuable life.  If you would move on to be happier in your professional life, why wouldn’t you do that in your dating life?  I don’t know how long I’ll be blessed to live, but I want to spend it happy and enjoying it not depressed.  It’s easier to change yourself and your life situations than it is to change others.  Don’t try to change others; do your best at being you.  I may designate this season of life “Self-Love Season”, just for Spring and Summer.  As you know, self-love never goes out of season.  We must love ourselves at all times.  When we are in right relationship with self, not egotistically, then we can be in right relationship with others.
self-love For me, I’m at an age in which I don’t want to play around anymore in my dating life or career.  I know that these things take time and patience sometimes, but when the right opportunities are presented we must move swiftly with the currents of life.  No prayer goes unheard!  Please please embrace all that is new in your life in this season.  What are you waiting for?  Make sure that you are on the same page with whom you are dating…you don’t want to scare anyone away, but if you are dating to mate, and looking for a lifetime partner, you don’t have time to waste with someone who is only looking for a temporary position in your life!
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Happy Spring!  Happy Summer!  Happy Dating!  It is not wrong to pursue your own dream life and happiness!  Good Luck!

Love,

Dr. Rae
 

Why Why Why???

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Why do we like who we like?  Why do we do what we do?  Why are we the way we are?  As it relates to dating, love, and relationships, how do we enact the process?  Are we like animals in the wild instinctively mating during various cycles and times of the month?  Or Do we rationally choose who we date and why?
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First let’s address why we like who we like.  When we first meet someone there is obviously some sort of physical attraction; depending on the type of dater you are.  For me, there is usually a physical feature or something in the guys’ appearance that is attractive.  It could be his face, hair, accent, height, demeanor, or the way he carries himself.  Typically, these characteristics represent physical attraction, and everyone has a particular preference or type of person they are drawn to for reasons that we can’t always explain.  This phenomenon is similar to simply being attracted to certain colors or other things we like; like clothing, cars, etc.  I believe that what we like or buy somehow represents us and our personality. That would be the major explanation for why we like what we like initially.  It could be from our upbringing or how we were bred.  Some people may have been born with a silver spoon and have already been pre-exposed to knowing about the “finer” things in life.  However, if a person has never had any materialistic type of things, expensive cars, clothes, etc, he or she may seek those things out.  There is nothing wrong with exploring a different side of life.  Contrastingly, you have people who are just the opposite.  Their personality is more in line with the simple things in life.  They may even be an environmentalist type of person.  What does all of this have to do with dating?  In choosing a mate, once we move passed our animal instinct of “ooo look at the nice looking man or woman, come on let’s mate” (be fruitful and multiply) without thinking, we realize that we attract who we are.  Or is it that opposites attract?  We just like who we like; this person represents some aspect of ourselves or the self we would like to be or become.  (The two become one).
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So how do we choose our mate? Or why do we choose who we choose?  I’ve always said that it’s easier for men than women; but the men argue that it’s not.  So once we move beyond the physical attraction of the person, what’s next?  There has to be something about the person during the getting to know you process that keeps you attracted. The relationship can’t all be physical right? Not in choosing a Mate or life-long partner.  I hope that we are looking for some substance in this process.  Maybe some are not but this post is not intended for that type of casual dater; we’ve all been there before, and this is how some choose to date.  “Willy Nilly”…you hear people say all the time that they’re not looking for anything.  Is it because they are not the settling down type?  Then you hear people say, well, I wasn’t looking for a partner when I met my Husband or Wife or Girlfriend or Boyfriend…is it because they were busy with the business of life?  It is a thin line between the two.  We must keep ourselves busy with life; however we have to make time to date if our goal is to meet our potential Husband or Wife.  On the other hand, we should not live obsessing over our Future Mate, and how we are having such a difficult time; and how we keep dating or finding losers!  Yes, I’ve been there before too.

So what is it about the potential or the men or women that you are dating that keeps you holding on and hoping that he or she is Mr. or Ms. Right?  Is it their looks? (How shallow). Is it their money, educational level, the way they treat you?  What is it?  It is a combination of things.  Does this person have a plan for their life?  Does this person want to or plan to get married one day?  How does this person really feel about you?  Are they good with money and investments?  If they have children (we’re in the 30s), are they a good parent?  How do they treat their parents or other family members?  These are important questions to ask yourself, your potential, and also to observe through this process.  Have you clearly defined what you are looking for in a Mate?  We all think we know what we want; I hope.  But still sometimes we often wind up settling…we settle into what’s comfortable at the time.  The downside of staying in a comfortable situation is that you run the risk of not really getting the type of relationship that you desire.
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For example, when you first meet a person, they are all about impressing you.  For the ladies, the guy will take you out; show you off to some of his friends; spend lots of time with you, the getting to know you phase (in the beginning).  Then he becomes more comfortable with you and his true colors come out; now all of a sudden he says that he doesn’t have the money to go out or that he doesn’t really like to go out.  What do you do?  Is this the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with knowing that you are the type of person who enjoys nights on the town with your Man?  I’m just saying; I know that’s not what relationships are all about, but how do you deal with someone who has portrayed such extremes in your relationship?  Do we stay in that situation for supposed love or just keep it moving?  You decide…

It seems that dating takes too much work…it should be fun right?  I remember when I was in college a guy friend said that dating is expensive.  I can definitely see how that could be true from a man’s perspective.  If he’s a gentleman, then he’s all about paying for the dinner, movie, and/or lunch, the outing.  I’ve always said that daters should become more creative.  There are lots of free ways to date which happen to be more romantic than spending lots of money on food that’s not always that good anyway.  Dating, choosing, and finding our mate takes time and balance.  If you live a balanced life, then you can attract a balanced Mate.  Unfortunately, life will throw plenty of challenges at us everyday.  In our effort to stay sane, life will affect the way we interact with our potential mates.  Do you date more than one person at a time?  It all depends on if you have the time to right; and again it can get expensive.  Maybe the first or second date could be a trip to the gym or a nice walk in the park; or maybe to church.  What’s most important in dating is finding common ground.  You have to have some things in common.  No, it doesn’t have to be everything in common; that could be quite boring.  You have to be able to talk to and communicate with your ideal Mate; and you will find early on if you mesh well with or are compatible with this person.
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I always say…just be you!  Your potential will love you even more if you know who you are; what you’re willing to accept; and what you stand for!  Good luck in love and dating! And please have fun!  Stay focused; stay purposed; and Be True to You!  I love you all!
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 –Dr. Rae ❤

In Transition…

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Happy 2013! We are officially well into the New Year; it’s almost March!  It seems I’ve been hiding…hiding from you all and hiding from myself.  You ever just feel so scatter-brained? We pray for change with the New Year making resolutions and such.  This year I didn’t make resolutions but a New Year’s Wish List.  I haven’t quite seen these wishes come true, but the good news is that I feel them on the horizon.  A new friend of mine asked me, when I told him about my wish list plan, did I write out how I would accomplish them.  Now there’s a thought.  No, I didn’t plan it out; I just had to write out what I want to happen in 2013.  Write the vision down; know what it is that you want from life.  In reality, I don’t feel as though I’ve been true to or working hard enough to see these dreams come into manifestation.  It’s easy just to coast along, but let us remember that we must take action with the energy of the New Year instead of letting it get away from us.  Sometimes we can be in such a rush for change that we will try too hard.  On the other hand, if we don’t keep referring to what we want, like actually looking at our list of goals and desires, we lose sight of them and get caught up in the everyday pressures of living life.  Pressures, meaning whatever life can unexpectedly throw at you such as illness, financial woes, lost love life or loved ones, etc.  We must learn to navigate through the hardships while attempting to enjoy life and focus on what makes us happy in life such as pursuing our goals.
set goalsNow this brings me to our love topic of the day.  I plan to go live again soon on my YouTube Channel www.youtube.com/drraelovecoach for a 2013 message.  Where are we in our love lives today?  Here goes… the love life is just as scattered as the brain.  Everything is connected here.  Let me explain.  For example, after a 20 minute conversation with the 2012 Boo-Thang on December 30th, and evaluating where I am on this day in February, somehow it all makes sense.  I thought I’d found the one…one of the ones…you know you get that feeling sometimes.  I spent countless energy attempting to pursue this relationship with said Boo-Thang who continued to mention his emotional unavailability due to a break-up that occurred earlier in the year.  We had some great times in 2012, but I was unable to obtain that sought after solid relationship with a title that I’ve been searching for/desiring.  Which brings us to the present day 2013…transition.
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The transition is a strange but excellent place to be in.  Like everything it has its pros and cons.  Essentially, this is what the 2012 Boo-Thang was trying to express.  Long story short, he felt as if we needed to focus on getting our lives together instead of being in a relationship.  As the holidays have come and gone, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine’s Day, I found myself alone.  Not even a Boo-Thang to share them with…this reality check at age 32 has hit me in the face…and heart…but now I’m back and ready to pursue my purpose and passions.  I’m ready to get my life in order and together.  So you’re thinking “haven’t you been doing this for awhile now”…why yes.  I spent the last six years pursuing a Doctorate degree that I was unable to complete.  How long will this transition last and what exactly is it?  This is no longer the finding myself transition.  Someone asked me that the other day.  “He said you didn’t have a Valentine because you’re finding you”…uh No… I had a Valentine last year and where is he today?  He ran away…because he was in transition when I met him…I’ve always thought that I was ready to settle down.  I still am…but we all must go through the transition.  It is similar to finding yourself…only it goes deeper than that.  It doesn’t matter your age when you go through this process.  I’m thinking that if we don’t complete this transition at a given time, we’ll have to pick it back up again.  What am I talking about?  Really pursuing what you are passionate about!

I want security…the kind that doesn’t come from a 9-5; the type of jobs I’ve been trying to obtain for almost two years now.  It’s bewildering because it shouldn’t take so much to get a job these days.  Is it because the Universe, God, is pushing me to a different calling? Something outside of the norm?  A few weeks ago, my mom said that I act as if my book, my baby, doesn’t exist.  That’s a mortifying thought.  I have allowed the pressures of life to get in the way of what I believe in.  Have I lost love for my baby?  My creativity…the thing that makes me unique?  Let us not lose sight of our gifts and talents because at the end of the day we are worth more than any 9-5 can provide for us.  We don’t knock the hustle or the so called stability of it…but what do we really want?
mybook2012  Some may say, I want my Husband and kids…me too…but when he comes along will I be ready?  Will I put my passions to the side for him and to start a family or will I be ready to roll!  I’ll have something in place that looks like I’m ready.  Here’s what I’ve done and accomplished…for now…I’m just in transition.  So when the next stranger, old, young, married…whatever, whoever tries to make you feel insecure for being over 30 and single just say…”I’m in transition”…God is still preparing me for who and what He has for me.  I have a BIG dream to accomplish!

If they can’t respect that, then you definitely don’t have time for the distraction. Keep it moving!

I didn’t say don’t date…but don’t settle or allow anyone to make you feel like something is wrong with you…God has someone for you because you believe.  We attract that which we are…as we get more settled from the transition, the right person will appear. By this time we will be more confident in ourselves for working toward the dream we believe in.
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STL Author’s New Book Takes a Unique Journey Through Love

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STL Author’s New Book Takes a Unique Journey Through Love
by Raegan Johnson

Like many women, Raechel Rivers, 32, grew up with dreams of meeting prince charming, having a few kids and living happily ever after.  But, roughly 42 percent of African American women have never been married—and Rivers is one of them.

“When I reached my late twenties, I began to wonder when is it going to happen?” she says. “I watched friends get married, fall in love, and I wondered why my time hadn’t come. Then I realized I was on a journey toward love, but it didn’t involve anyone else.”

Rivers’ new book, Journey to Self; Journey to Love, is a collection of personal poems, thoughts, and blog entries from her journey through love.

“This book portrays a young woman crossing over from the confusion of adolescence to the responsibility of womanhood–with a sense of self-knowledge,” she says. “In my search for love, I’ve continued to make a full circle back to myself and my Creator. Some of the stories are sad and some funny, but all are worth sharing.”

Journey to Self; Journey to Love is available for $13.99 on Authorhouse.com or $14.99 at Barnes & Noble and on Amazon.com.

“When blogging first became popular, I would post my reflections and thoughts about love and dating,” she says.  “I received a lot of positive feedback. People were inspired and could relate. They suggested that I document what I was posting.  So I did, and it became my book; sort of like a journal.”

Rivers says writing the book was liberating as she faced inner struggles and learning to love herself.

“Through the book, I was able to move forward without dwelling on failed relationships and develop new, healthy relationships. This book is geared more toward single women; but it is also for anyone who wants to discover or re-discover how to love their own person, love God and love others.”

With so many love and relationship books on the market, Rivers says authenticity makes her book stand out.

“I keep it real!” she said.  “I do not sugarcoat how it feels to be single. I do not sugarcoat what single women go through in finding ourselves and navigating through dating and relationships.  I’m not afraid of the truth; it is what sets me free.”

For Rivers, Journey to Self; Journey to Love is just the beginning.

“I’m working on the Self-Love Handbook as a follow-up book,” she said.  “It is more of a guidebook than a tell-all. I am also working on a possible fiction book and a screenplay.”

Follow Rivers’ blog on https://drrae.wordpress.com, www.twitter.com/raeluvs2write, www.youtube.com/drraelovecoach.

Race & Dating Matters: Man Is Still Man

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Please don’t be mistaken; men are men.  There is something intrinsic about them, quite strange, where they feel they have been designed to hunt and conquer you.  Even once you land your man, ie marry, or get that sought after relationship title; it seems that you can’t show him that you are all in…this we’ve heard our elders say, and this we know from experience.  We must move away from the stereotypes such as “white men marry, with foreigners you don’t have to work, and with black men you do have to work”, blah blah blah!  Each man has his own personality and specific desire of his ideal woman.  He will let you know if you are his “Dream Girl”; he will show you.  Words are becoming so played out these days…we look for the actions to line up with the heart of a man.  So despite race…man is still man…you just be the beautiful, smart, and confident woman that you are…and don’t chase down love…you may chase him away…

While I’m on this notion that man is still man, please don’t become so blind-sided by the ideal of love that you miss the fact that we are living in some harsh times of dark energy.  Meaning, woman, Sistas, and all of my Sisters of every race…pray, pray, pray!  You don’t want to attract a man who only wants a piece of you because of your race or skin color; how shallow.  Unfortunately, there are still some guys out here like that.  We must pray for discernment with any man to find out his true intentions with us.  He may only be looking for a good time; he may have no real intentions of being with you.  He may just want to say that he’s been with a (insert race) woman.  He may be carrying his own stereotypes, like “a black woman will rock his world; a white woman will do anything in the bedroom”, and I don’t know what they’re saying about all my other Sisters of other races; “Asian women are here to serve”.  Please be careful ladies!
The other extreme is men who only want to date you because you all are not the same race.  These men possess self-hatred and prejudice against their own people, which is a learned behavior.  Recently, one of my mom’s friends called to attempt to hook me up with a young man who believes that “black women are trashy”.  Wow!  So you are talking about your mother too I assume.  So now he wants to date white women.  I’m sorry but there are trashy women of all races out here.  So I guess she wanted him to meet me so that he can change his perspective; but I don’t want any parts of the re-education of this lost young man.  Maybe he can just read this blog post. 😉Additionally, people seem to be living in a fear zone of some post-racism war, which mind you never ended decades ago.  Things became hush hush; Affirmative Action became popular for a stint; and Black athletes have been coined as the new 40 Million Dollar Slave.  Furthermore, in the sports and entertainment industry, White and foreign women have been impressed upon these men; that these women are better than black women, which further promotes self-hatred and prejudice.  Black women picked up on this vibe in the media and entertainment incurring the same belief system and losing our own self-love; longing to look more like a woman of European, Brazilian, or other descent; anything but African.  I digress but as I stated earlier, prejudice of self and others is a learned behavior.  We either get it from home; from our own people; or from society and the media.

I am very proud of my brothers and sisters who banded together Nationwide to tell America that a half Mexican, half White police officer had no right to harass and kill a young black boy and get away with it.  Justice was served; and we still have a long way to go.  My own personal voice will continue writing for the promotion of peace and self-love; love of God, who lives in you; and love of others.  How can we love God and not love each other?  We are fighting a spiritual war; and “blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God”.

 

    

 

Not the Marrying Type

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One of the worst statements you can say to a single woman who is past the age of thirty, or any age for that matter is, “I don’t understand why you are single?” Excuse me but if my single status is of no concern to me, why are you worried about it? Other rude no no’s include sarcastic expressions from doctors and health professionals during my quarterly visits. Yes I said quarterly; back when I was still in graduate school and the services were free. “How many new partners have you had over the past year?” “Are you not the marrying type?” She goes on further to say that getting tested will not keep you from getting diseases (agreed) and in the next breath refers me to a shrink. *look of shock and perplexity on my face* Excuse me Ma’am, but would you like to lose your job? It is none of your business how many partners I’ve had; hey at least I am here, and again the services are free or at the expense of the school. There are people running around who don’t know their STD statuses, and I want to remain current with mine; and give me a shrink only if I request one, thanks! Well thank God for finally helping me to finish school and enter the real world without free services, with the exception of certain clinics; but some of these places are not the ones you want to visit too often. We don’t trust health professionals that much anyway; not here in the inner-city or anywhere for that matter. We’d rather pay an arm and leg with the help of the health insurance programs offered to us in the workplace. What are we paying for; more privacy and a facility that has nice pictures on the wall? Anywho, it was nice when the nurse practitioner told me that I had one of the healthiest cervixes she’d seen all day (and I credit my diet at the time…I probably had just finished detoxing). Wow! I hope that post-30 my vagina is healthy. Yes, as we age there should be a lifestyle change which includes fewer visits to make sure “everything is okay”. Fewer partners equal fewer visits. We are moving toward becoming the “marrying type” right?

What or who is this marrying type that we speak of? She or he is someone who is or believes themselves to be ready for a more settled relationship, which could lead to marriage, whether they already have children or not. This person is not the “serial-dater”. I would say that we all must be some sort of serial-dater until we figure out what we want or feel that we are ready to be in a serious, and we pray, monogamous relationship. There are two types of serial-daters: one is the person who goes on a series of dates. This is the person I would say who is enjoying life and trying to see who’s out there. They are trying to figure out what they truly desire in a mate, or they are just having fun! The other is the person (and we all have friends like this), they are all or nothing. Every time you look up they have a new “girlfriend” or “boyfriend”. Geez, what happened to your last serious relationship? No breaks in between. No time for finding yourself! Any one of us has been this person before a time or two; the serial-dater. The rest of us just take sabbaticals, sometimes purposely, sometimes not; we are finding ourselves. Finding yourself is definitely ongoing and can take place even while you are out here dating, which is when you discover that certain relationships aren’t working for you; because they don’t line up with what you really want for your life and love life.

Through it all, some may decide that they truly aren’t the marrying type. Now that wouldn’t be fair for the serial-dater to hook up with the one who is thinking and acting as if they are ready for marriage. Once this is discovered, and we hope early on in the courtship or whatever we call dating and getting to know each other these days, then both parties can respectfully move on knowing that it was fun; this is not who or what I really want for my life; now keep it moving. “It’s not you, it’s me”, or maybe you’re just not for me. As we continue to define ourselves and life goals and purpose, we will be able to avoid a long drawn out process of the dating game. The marrying type may show up with a long laundry list of qualities, characteristics, income bracket, job-type, religion, race, height, weight, etc…maybe that has been you before too. For many reasons, this doesn’t work either. The best advice, work on yourself at all times because we know that we attract that which we are…we look for someone who is like-minded; someone who is going where we are going; someone who wants what we want out of life; someone to complement us on this journey called life! Someone who makes us want to be a better person. We move from being the serial-dater to becoming the marrying type when we meet this person. They help us to evaluate our life; and our dating life, whether we have one or not. We put away the laundry list, and we become open to the possibilities of love! Of course we keep or develop our standards. We enjoy the moment of the new possibilities while healing from the baggage of past relationships; which sometimes aid in our serial-dating behaviors.

Spring has sprung! Love is in the air, and all things have become new! More updates later on the life and times of your favorite “Love Guru”, Dr. Rae! Smoochez! Remember to fall in love with yourself, God, and your life purpose, and then the love of your life will be revealed! We are so much more attractive when we are busy working on our dreams! The two come together for a purpose; remember that as you are out here on the scene full of serial-daters. It becomes easier as we focus on what’s really important in our lives. Let’s live to date on purpose. Not just to be dating; not to take the fun out of it, but know what you want as you enter into the field. It’s almost like job hunting! LOL! 😉 Work on your “I’m the marrying type” resume’ if that’s your goal. Don’t highlight your negatives. Focus on the positives and what you can add to someone else’s life!