Category Archives: men

“I Wanna Sex You Up…”

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What a sexy, classy video we have here!  Oh the 90s!  Women’s sexual liberation and empowerment!  Just look at those classic power suits on the men and women in this video.  Who misses the 90s?  How would I know about the sexual liberation? I was only 11 when this video released; but hey, I just remember all the female rap groups who seemed secure and powerful in their sexuality or want/need for sex.  They were fully clothed but hey we got the message even as pre-teens. Not sure if we really knew what we were talking about (we were scared to say the “S” word- it was S-E-X then; we sang the song and spelled it out- and it was funny every time we said it)-middle school… but anyway…

It’s been too dang long since I updated my blog…so much has happened.  Too much to compile here.  I have finally gotten into a clearer heart and head space to write some stuff.  Here goes.  Yesterday I posted in a Facebook group,

“Men: if a woman only hits you up for sex or with sexual innuendos how would that make u feel especially if u really liked her & wanted to have a serious relationship with her? Would u pursue a commitment from her?”.

So the men chimed in and to my dismay but not total shock, I’ve found that men think way differently from women regarding this topic.  Well not exactly, because most women I know are turned off by men who do it.  It’s a double standard and you all can’t do what we do.  You will get turned down. Even if your goal is sex, you still have to go about it in another way.  Especially over 30 I say…or maybe it’s just me and the majority of women I know. (Unless it’s some Cougar thing where the woman is more like the Sugar Mama but that’s a different subject).  cougar
All I’m saying is for women and some men, there has to be some other benefit (conversation, dinner, companionship, paying a bill, etc) other than sex because these hook-ups take away from the time that you could be spending on work or business or serious relationships.

Basically, the men I surveyed informed me that they wouldn’t try to make more of the relationship if it were just sexual.  The irony is that many women have tried to do just that; make a sexual relationship into more than physical and have failed repeatedly.  These men were adamant in their belief system.  I know that these men don’t represent all men, but it was an interesting perspective.  They were all over 30 and black.  I know that some relationship dynamics work differently in other cultures; and there are some married people despite race, that are with the person who was initially a hook-up.

I didn’t tell these guys but I’m sure they’ll read this post (and they may already know this) but if a woman is contacting you mainly for sex you may want to figure out her motive or why? It kind of seems that these men didn’t care why. They just wanted the benefit of sex; and to answer my initial question, NO, they wouldn’t try to make it more than sex.  The downside of this (and I really don’t have to write this) but it DOES happen; if you don’t use protection this woman can wind up becoming the mother of your child/children.  That’s a big title for someone who you are not planning to have a serious relationship with.  These men said that they would move on from the woman when they were ready for a real relationship.  Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic but it doesn’t make sense to me.  I do understand the point they were making though.  I don’t think this is a prescription for all relationships, but perhaps daters (women) should get more clarity for their motive of hitting the guy up for sex.  I shared with my girlfriend that honestly it isn’t even always about the sex; but the sex is sort of the bait.  I don’t think guys think that way at ALL.  For some women, it’s about the actual companionship whether it only fulfills a need in a pseudo way.

Side Bar: the guys mentioned that the person who initiated the relationship is the only one who can change the dynamic of the relationship.  Hmmm…so if the woman who is hitting him up for sex wants more she should say so?  I don’t think it works like that but this is what the men reported.  Their whole thing was, they’re not going to be the one to attempt to change the dynamic of the relationship. That has to be some male ego thing.  I mean if you like or want the woman just say so!  This may be far fetched, but I think it’s different with other races (white men) – I’m just saying- some folks are on their 3rd Husband or Wife; and you and Charlie been off and on for 10 years what the heck?  Other races seem to move quickly when it comes to—where is this relationship going?- let’s try this thing- if it doesn’t work out-oh well.  Keep it moving!  As I quote myself, “it’s a total waste of time to have a sexual relationship with someone that you know is not going anywhere. Unless that’s just how you choose to live your life”.

On another note: women my age who have no children and do have children but are single, normally will hit you up during that ONE key week out of the month.  See previous post “Single & Ovulating: Post Menstrual Depression or Let’s Get It On?” A few days before her a period and a few days after…it’s hormones.  At the base of it, we have these animal/human instincts that tell us it’s time to procreate. (Be fruitful and multiply). So if family planning is not in the cards then wrap it up! (use a condom or birth control) But for the women pushing 40 who desire to have children, this part of the dating process, single or not, may get you a sperm donor; choose wisely!  😉  Men be careful there may be a motive in there somewhere.

Self-Love Girl of the Month, Crystal Morton Hill

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What a year folks!  We have officially crossed over into September; closing out the Summer, and approaching Fall which is my favorite season, right after Spring!  Why do I love the Fall? Well because September marks my birthday month, the beginning of Fall, and Libra Season.  The Fall is for Harvesting!  What does the word harvest sound like to you?  ABUNDANCE!  Yes, I’m talking preparing for a Season of Purpose that we’ve worked so diligently for throughout the year.  This life is like a rollercoaster and a Six Flags Theme Park!  We must ride the Tidal Waves of life as they roar through!  Can you keep up?  Our Summer was heavy as we had to muddle through the typical growing pains and ins & outs, literally, of relationships.  Some relationships ended; some budded; and some, well stayed the same.  For the month of June, “Self-Love Month”, we did some inner-investigating while dating.  Once July hit, it was every woman for herself trying to figure out, “what’s this thing called life again”?  “Does my life have meaning, and am I living my purpose”? What is my purpose, again?  Sometimes life is like that, just up and down as you grow and learn and experience relationships, challenges, good times, bad times, and situations; even in your career.  I know that some of you are like me trying to figure out how to get your money up, or make a career transition without disrupting your family and home life or your whole life in general.  Let’s just face it; some things are in our control and some things are not.  We have to trust the Infinite Wisdom of our Divine Creator every step of the way!  So how do you do it?  How do you navigate the winding road of life while maintaining your sense of purpose?  Allow me to introduce a young woman who has traveled that bumpy road of unexpected events, and how she has maintained purpose through it all; my “Self-Love Girl of the Month”, Ms. Crystal Morton Hill!
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Ms. Morton Hill is a Birmingham, AL native who possesses an extreme drive and zest for life.  She obtained her Bachelor’s degree in Business Administration from
Talledega College; Alabama’s first private Historically Black College and University (HBCU) in Talledega.  Crystal also achieved a Masters in Public Administration; with a concentration in Emergency Management from Jacksonville State University in Jacksonville, AL.  Further, she is also a proud and active member of Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority Inc.  Ms. Hill told me that she always wanted her own business.  She just didn’t know what it would be; and that’s how she chose her first degree’s major in Business.  As a result of her desire to live out her life’s purpose and start her own business, Crystal is the CEO and Founder of her own company Jazzy Jewels by Crystal!  Jazzy Jewels by Crystal includes Ms. Hill’s custom-made, uniquely designed, and creatively expressed jewelry pieces for women and men.  I wanted to know her story; how long she’d been making jewelry; how she got into the industry; and at what moment she realized that she wanted to be in business for herself.

In the Summer of 2009, Crystal lost her job and almost lost her mind.  Jewelry-making became her therapy while looking for jobs.  She was also very active in her Sorority at the time.  When new women would join the organization, she’d give jewelry as gifts, “poodle charm bracelets”, to save money instead of buying gifts.  Her sorority’s chapter President was so impressed, just as her Mom, Dad, and friends had been for years, and told her that she needed to “do this BIG”.  At that point, her president’s fourteen year-old son made Ms. Hill an Instagram page for Jazzy Jewels by Crystal, and she immediately began “getting hits online”.  “I didn’t believe it!” Ms. Hill expressed.  After seeing the online attention she received from unknown browsers, Crystal decided to create the Jazzy Jewels by Crystal Facebook page.  What inspired her even more was the number of people who saw a picture Ms. Hill’s sorority sister posted on Facebook sporting the jewelry.  She was tagged in the photo, and people kept inquiring about the cost of the jewelry.  Crystal was stunned at her initial success!  In this moment, she knew that it was time to move forward with her childhood dream.
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As a little girl, Ms. Hill admired her dad and wanted to be just like him.  He was in business for himself and was a published Author who illustrated his own books.  He told
Crystal that “your name is everything”.  Therefore, she believes that you have to create a dynasty for yourself and your children; and this is her motivation for Jazzy Jewels by Crystal as well as her love for high-end fashion and creativity.  I asked Crystal if there is a need for more custom jewelry making artists.  “No, I will handle it for everybody!  I don’t want any competition! No!” she replied.  If there are too many custom jewelry designers, then the jewelry becomes mainstream, Ms. Hill informed me.  She has been well received by the industry.  They have loved, embraced, cheered, and invited her to several trunk shows all over Alabama; in Atlanta, GA; and in St. Louis, MO.  While being accepted by many designers and consumers, Ms. Hill has had to fight against some misconceptions of spectators. “I look like a Rich Bitch!” Crystal exclaimed.  It upsets her that people judge her by the way she looks; they don’t think she looks “handy” or “artsy”.  Consequently, consumers would also be surprised to know that Ms. Hill is a member of the Greater Birmingham Bead Society, where she earned the “stringing jewelry artist” shirt.  Overall, Crystal attributes her creative genes to her left-handedness.  She stated that her brain just thinks differently and uniquely.
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So what about love?  I asked Ms. Hill her definition of self-love.  “Self-love is what you do to yourself; for yourself; and with yourself”, she described.  Crystal shared that what you do “to” yourself includes keeping up your personal hygiene, going to doctors’ visits, being in the healthy zone, eliminating “B.S.” from your life, and living stress free.  What you do “for” yourself involves what you do to make you happy, and the extra things that make your day.  For example, Crystal enjoys taking professional pictures, skiing, and going to the casino, which usually involves time spent with others.  However, what you do “with” yourself are the things that you don’t necessarily need or want others to do with you; because you are doing them with yourself.  Ms. Hill likes going out to the movies, making jewelry, and going on yogurt dates.  It is a date with yourself.  What an inspiration!  When your self-love is in order, you can prioritize your life and stay focused on your purpose.

I was interested in Crystal’s future goals for her business.  Ms. Hill aspires to have her jewelry line featured in fashion runways; and to enter into mass production by offering a few custom-made items in select department stores.  “I wanna see it!” she shouted; but she doesn’t want her jewelry in small local boutiques because there isn’t room for much exposure in that type of venue.  Furthermore, Crystal informed me that she works her business “all the time” not just part time.  When people see her, they see jewelry.  Sometimes she feels that she is “on-call” like a doctor, and people expect her life to stop to fulfill a jewelry order.  Ms. Hill’s customers return because of the exclusivity of her designs for graduation, wedding, and bridal shower gifts.  She rarely duplicates the jewelry items; remaining consistent with the custom made-to-order and timeless products.
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With all of this work on her own business, I wanted to know if or when Crystal has time to date.  She jokingly expressed that she is dating her jewelry.  Ms. Hill goes on dates but is not exclusively dating anyone.  She said that she views herself as “an aggressive little ‘spit-fire’ and a “slab of marble”; “pretty to look at but hard to crack”. Crystal has to defend herself because often people try to tell her what she should be doing regarding her jewelry, but everyone has different tastes and there are so many different people.  As she quoted, “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, but talent and creativity is in thine hand”.  I’d agree, no one can tell you the “how to” for your own God-given and creative talent!  Ms. Hill is a “go-getter, uberly professional, and excited about life and any opportunity to put new jewelry out!”  She wants readers and her fans to know that “your name is your dynasty”.  She encourages, “do something in your life to make sure that your name and legacy lives on after you’re gone”. Crystal says, “jazz up your wardrobe, jazz up your life!”
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Find Jazzy Jewels by Crystal on Facebook and Instagram @JazzyJewelsbycrystal.  She can also be contacted at jzyjwl@gmail.com or call 706-50-JAZZY to place your order!

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If you are interested in becoming my Self-Love Girl of the Month or would like to recommend someone please contact me directly at dr.rae31@gmail.com; State why you or someone you know should be considered the Self-Love Girl of the Month and your definition of Self-Love.

Love ya All!

 

 

 

Is Dating a Requirement?

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Is dating a requirement?  Why yes!  How else are you supposed to get to know someone?  I hope this will be my last post on this topic.  I’m starting to sound like a broken record on the ins and outs of dating; hey, it keeps me in business *wink*.  Why is dating so important?  And what is its purpose?  Do you date on purpose?  Or do you just date for fun?  I guess what I’m asking is do you date to mate?  Dating is fun!  It can get expensive and/or creative.  Expensive for the big spenders and those who really want to impress.  I’m not just talking about the person paying for the dates.  Traditionally, the guy pays for the date and the woman pays to make herself look good.  As I always say, there are things you can do for creative dates to save money and look good.  The key is to be yourself while impressing your date.
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So why do we do it?  Why do we go through all the trouble of putting our best foot forward for a potential love match?  It’s fun!  And did I mention it’s fun?  I love dating!  I love getting dressed up and going out to try new restaurants and attractions; yes even in my hometown.  Even if I wasn’t dating to mate (I’m guilty), I would still be a dater.  I am not the type of woman who likes to sit at home often.  Every once and a while staying home as well as dating indoors, dinner and a movie makes a nice date, especially after you get to know someone; and in the Winter time.  But yesterday marked the beginning of almost Summer and Holiday fun and there is so much to do! 

Are you ready?  You know the Winter months were a little rough for me.  I spent Valentine’s Day alone this year…boooooo…so what right?!  Spring has officially blossomed, and I believe that New Love is on the horizon!  (I get so excited because the warmer weather makes me feel good).  Some people say that Spring and Summer are the break-up seasons.  Well, I beg to differ!  “I’ve got Sunshine… in the month of May”.  What does that mean?  New beginnings.  What are you expecting?  We just had a Full Moon the other day.  Whenever there is a full moon, generally around the time we move from one Zodiac to the other, we are now in Gemini, we are to release what’s old and embrace what’s new.  Have you been desiring changes in your life and love life?  I have.  I haven’t been completely happy in my current job or dating life.  I have been longing for changes to happen in my career and dating situation.  I want big changes which may include a new job and a new love.  I’m just saying…sometimes relationships and jobs are one in the same.  Everything is relative and reflective of where we are in our lives.  What goes on inside of us manifests outwardly.
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I am all about encouraging us to pursue our own happiness and desires.  Where we are right now does not determine where will go in the future; only our decisions and actions will.  If it’s time for something new in your career and/or dating life, then it’s time to move on.  I’m just going to keep it real with you, if you found a better job, with more benefits and pay, or how about just something more in line with where you see yourself in your happier future, even at the same pay, wouldn’t you quit that other job? *note* (that advice is not for married people; single daters only).  Now professionally, you should give your former job a two weeks’ notice; but sometimes when it’s time to go, you gotta go!  Stop wasting time in your valuable life.  If you would move on to be happier in your professional life, why wouldn’t you do that in your dating life?  I don’t know how long I’ll be blessed to live, but I want to spend it happy and enjoying it not depressed.  It’s easier to change yourself and your life situations than it is to change others.  Don’t try to change others; do your best at being you.  I may designate this season of life “Self-Love Season”, just for Spring and Summer.  As you know, self-love never goes out of season.  We must love ourselves at all times.  When we are in right relationship with self, not egotistically, then we can be in right relationship with others.
self-love For me, I’m at an age in which I don’t want to play around anymore in my dating life or career.  I know that these things take time and patience sometimes, but when the right opportunities are presented we must move swiftly with the currents of life.  No prayer goes unheard!  Please please embrace all that is new in your life in this season.  What are you waiting for?  Make sure that you are on the same page with whom you are dating…you don’t want to scare anyone away, but if you are dating to mate, and looking for a lifetime partner, you don’t have time to waste with someone who is only looking for a temporary position in your life!
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Happy Spring!  Happy Summer!  Happy Dating!  It is not wrong to pursue your own dream life and happiness!  Good Luck!

Love,

Dr. Rae
 

Why Why Why???

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Why do we like who we like?  Why do we do what we do?  Why are we the way we are?  As it relates to dating, love, and relationships, how do we enact the process?  Are we like animals in the wild instinctively mating during various cycles and times of the month?  Or Do we rationally choose who we date and why?
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First let’s address why we like who we like.  When we first meet someone there is obviously some sort of physical attraction; depending on the type of dater you are.  For me, there is usually a physical feature or something in the guys’ appearance that is attractive.  It could be his face, hair, accent, height, demeanor, or the way he carries himself.  Typically, these characteristics represent physical attraction, and everyone has a particular preference or type of person they are drawn to for reasons that we can’t always explain.  This phenomenon is similar to simply being attracted to certain colors or other things we like; like clothing, cars, etc.  I believe that what we like or buy somehow represents us and our personality. That would be the major explanation for why we like what we like initially.  It could be from our upbringing or how we were bred.  Some people may have been born with a silver spoon and have already been pre-exposed to knowing about the “finer” things in life.  However, if a person has never had any materialistic type of things, expensive cars, clothes, etc, he or she may seek those things out.  There is nothing wrong with exploring a different side of life.  Contrastingly, you have people who are just the opposite.  Their personality is more in line with the simple things in life.  They may even be an environmentalist type of person.  What does all of this have to do with dating?  In choosing a mate, once we move passed our animal instinct of “ooo look at the nice looking man or woman, come on let’s mate” (be fruitful and multiply) without thinking, we realize that we attract who we are.  Or is it that opposites attract?  We just like who we like; this person represents some aspect of ourselves or the self we would like to be or become.  (The two become one).
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So how do we choose our mate? Or why do we choose who we choose?  I’ve always said that it’s easier for men than women; but the men argue that it’s not.  So once we move beyond the physical attraction of the person, what’s next?  There has to be something about the person during the getting to know you process that keeps you attracted. The relationship can’t all be physical right? Not in choosing a Mate or life-long partner.  I hope that we are looking for some substance in this process.  Maybe some are not but this post is not intended for that type of casual dater; we’ve all been there before, and this is how some choose to date.  “Willy Nilly”…you hear people say all the time that they’re not looking for anything.  Is it because they are not the settling down type?  Then you hear people say, well, I wasn’t looking for a partner when I met my Husband or Wife or Girlfriend or Boyfriend…is it because they were busy with the business of life?  It is a thin line between the two.  We must keep ourselves busy with life; however we have to make time to date if our goal is to meet our potential Husband or Wife.  On the other hand, we should not live obsessing over our Future Mate, and how we are having such a difficult time; and how we keep dating or finding losers!  Yes, I’ve been there before too.

So what is it about the potential or the men or women that you are dating that keeps you holding on and hoping that he or she is Mr. or Ms. Right?  Is it their looks? (How shallow). Is it their money, educational level, the way they treat you?  What is it?  It is a combination of things.  Does this person have a plan for their life?  Does this person want to or plan to get married one day?  How does this person really feel about you?  Are they good with money and investments?  If they have children (we’re in the 30s), are they a good parent?  How do they treat their parents or other family members?  These are important questions to ask yourself, your potential, and also to observe through this process.  Have you clearly defined what you are looking for in a Mate?  We all think we know what we want; I hope.  But still sometimes we often wind up settling…we settle into what’s comfortable at the time.  The downside of staying in a comfortable situation is that you run the risk of not really getting the type of relationship that you desire.
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For example, when you first meet a person, they are all about impressing you.  For the ladies, the guy will take you out; show you off to some of his friends; spend lots of time with you, the getting to know you phase (in the beginning).  Then he becomes more comfortable with you and his true colors come out; now all of a sudden he says that he doesn’t have the money to go out or that he doesn’t really like to go out.  What do you do?  Is this the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with knowing that you are the type of person who enjoys nights on the town with your Man?  I’m just saying; I know that’s not what relationships are all about, but how do you deal with someone who has portrayed such extremes in your relationship?  Do we stay in that situation for supposed love or just keep it moving?  You decide…

It seems that dating takes too much work…it should be fun right?  I remember when I was in college a guy friend said that dating is expensive.  I can definitely see how that could be true from a man’s perspective.  If he’s a gentleman, then he’s all about paying for the dinner, movie, and/or lunch, the outing.  I’ve always said that daters should become more creative.  There are lots of free ways to date which happen to be more romantic than spending lots of money on food that’s not always that good anyway.  Dating, choosing, and finding our mate takes time and balance.  If you live a balanced life, then you can attract a balanced Mate.  Unfortunately, life will throw plenty of challenges at us everyday.  In our effort to stay sane, life will affect the way we interact with our potential mates.  Do you date more than one person at a time?  It all depends on if you have the time to right; and again it can get expensive.  Maybe the first or second date could be a trip to the gym or a nice walk in the park; or maybe to church.  What’s most important in dating is finding common ground.  You have to have some things in common.  No, it doesn’t have to be everything in common; that could be quite boring.  You have to be able to talk to and communicate with your ideal Mate; and you will find early on if you mesh well with or are compatible with this person.
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I always say…just be you!  Your potential will love you even more if you know who you are; what you’re willing to accept; and what you stand for!  Good luck in love and dating! And please have fun!  Stay focused; stay purposed; and Be True to You!  I love you all!
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 –Dr. Rae ❤

In Transition…

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Happy 2013! We are officially well into the New Year; it’s almost March!  It seems I’ve been hiding…hiding from you all and hiding from myself.  You ever just feel so scatter-brained? We pray for change with the New Year making resolutions and such.  This year I didn’t make resolutions but a New Year’s Wish List.  I haven’t quite seen these wishes come true, but the good news is that I feel them on the horizon.  A new friend of mine asked me, when I told him about my wish list plan, did I write out how I would accomplish them.  Now there’s a thought.  No, I didn’t plan it out; I just had to write out what I want to happen in 2013.  Write the vision down; know what it is that you want from life.  In reality, I don’t feel as though I’ve been true to or working hard enough to see these dreams come into manifestation.  It’s easy just to coast along, but let us remember that we must take action with the energy of the New Year instead of letting it get away from us.  Sometimes we can be in such a rush for change that we will try too hard.  On the other hand, if we don’t keep referring to what we want, like actually looking at our list of goals and desires, we lose sight of them and get caught up in the everyday pressures of living life.  Pressures, meaning whatever life can unexpectedly throw at you such as illness, financial woes, lost love life or loved ones, etc.  We must learn to navigate through the hardships while attempting to enjoy life and focus on what makes us happy in life such as pursuing our goals.
set goalsNow this brings me to our love topic of the day.  I plan to go live again soon on my YouTube Channel www.youtube.com/drraelovecoach for a 2013 message.  Where are we in our love lives today?  Here goes… the love life is just as scattered as the brain.  Everything is connected here.  Let me explain.  For example, after a 20 minute conversation with the 2012 Boo-Thang on December 30th, and evaluating where I am on this day in February, somehow it all makes sense.  I thought I’d found the one…one of the ones…you know you get that feeling sometimes.  I spent countless energy attempting to pursue this relationship with said Boo-Thang who continued to mention his emotional unavailability due to a break-up that occurred earlier in the year.  We had some great times in 2012, but I was unable to obtain that sought after solid relationship with a title that I’ve been searching for/desiring.  Which brings us to the present day 2013…transition.
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The transition is a strange but excellent place to be in.  Like everything it has its pros and cons.  Essentially, this is what the 2012 Boo-Thang was trying to express.  Long story short, he felt as if we needed to focus on getting our lives together instead of being in a relationship.  As the holidays have come and gone, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine’s Day, I found myself alone.  Not even a Boo-Thang to share them with…this reality check at age 32 has hit me in the face…and heart…but now I’m back and ready to pursue my purpose and passions.  I’m ready to get my life in order and together.  So you’re thinking “haven’t you been doing this for awhile now”…why yes.  I spent the last six years pursuing a Doctorate degree that I was unable to complete.  How long will this transition last and what exactly is it?  This is no longer the finding myself transition.  Someone asked me that the other day.  “He said you didn’t have a Valentine because you’re finding you”…uh No… I had a Valentine last year and where is he today?  He ran away…because he was in transition when I met him…I’ve always thought that I was ready to settle down.  I still am…but we all must go through the transition.  It is similar to finding yourself…only it goes deeper than that.  It doesn’t matter your age when you go through this process.  I’m thinking that if we don’t complete this transition at a given time, we’ll have to pick it back up again.  What am I talking about?  Really pursuing what you are passionate about!

I want security…the kind that doesn’t come from a 9-5; the type of jobs I’ve been trying to obtain for almost two years now.  It’s bewildering because it shouldn’t take so much to get a job these days.  Is it because the Universe, God, is pushing me to a different calling? Something outside of the norm?  A few weeks ago, my mom said that I act as if my book, my baby, doesn’t exist.  That’s a mortifying thought.  I have allowed the pressures of life to get in the way of what I believe in.  Have I lost love for my baby?  My creativity…the thing that makes me unique?  Let us not lose sight of our gifts and talents because at the end of the day we are worth more than any 9-5 can provide for us.  We don’t knock the hustle or the so called stability of it…but what do we really want?
mybook2012  Some may say, I want my Husband and kids…me too…but when he comes along will I be ready?  Will I put my passions to the side for him and to start a family or will I be ready to roll!  I’ll have something in place that looks like I’m ready.  Here’s what I’ve done and accomplished…for now…I’m just in transition.  So when the next stranger, old, young, married…whatever, whoever tries to make you feel insecure for being over 30 and single just say…”I’m in transition”…God is still preparing me for who and what He has for me.  I have a BIG dream to accomplish!

If they can’t respect that, then you definitely don’t have time for the distraction. Keep it moving!

I didn’t say don’t date…but don’t settle or allow anyone to make you feel like something is wrong with you…God has someone for you because you believe.  We attract that which we are…as we get more settled from the transition, the right person will appear. By this time we will be more confident in ourselves for working toward the dream we believe in.
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Holiday Love

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Well the holidays have finally arrived!  Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  Our holidays wouldn’t be complete without love in our lives right?  Of course not!  This time of the year is meant to be cherished and spent with family, friends, and loved ones.  This is the time of the year where you are excused for being a kid again.  You can enjoy and create your own holiday magic.  For some, this time of the year can be difficult because some of our loved ones are no longer with us.  They would want us to be happy and enjoy the memories we have of them.  Also, for some of us this time of the year is difficult because we are somewhat conflicted about our single status and/or job status.  I am in a better state of mind this year than I was last year.  I remember being very depressed last Christmas as I dwelled upon everything that I didn’t have in my life; I was unemployed, man-less and without a vehicle.  My loving parents continued to remind me of everything I had in my life; such as them.  Some people don’t have family or friends to spend these happy days with.  Just when you think your situation is bad, it really could always be worse.  It sounds very cliché but it is in fact true.  We don’t wish bad on anyone, but we also must not judge someone’s situation.  You don’t know how or why some people are less fortunate than you.

Good love; is that good fortune?  Why yes, however, you shouldn’t let your single status affect your holiday mood.  Needless to say, it can.  I am blessed to have my family, my friends, and my “love friend”.  The key here is releasing our expectations of people.  I am working on my emotional state of being and counting my blessings.  I am under-employed which is better than being unemployed.  I still don’t have a vehicle, but so what.  I have accepted where I am right now, but I am also increasing my expectations.  Not my expectations of the people in my life or pressuring my “love friend” to take our relationship to the next level; but I am increasing my expectations of my overall life!  I believe that I deserve more from life, and I expect to receive those blessings in the right timing!  Positive energy and expectation creates the atmosphere to receive the blessings. 

 In my mind, I’d love to have a house, and cook, and entertain family and friends; those are some of the blessings of this time of year.  I’d love to have a romantic holiday too.  I’m a dreamer; and there is nothing wrong with that.  The scenario that I’ve just created isn’t the only aspect that makes the holiday.  Being with your family; engaging in self-love practices; eating, relaxing, hanging out with friends; that’s what makes the holiday.  For some, it may be volunteering at the local shelter or at church; doing something to help the less fortunate or just helping out with the children in your life.  God has blessed me to be an Aunt and a Godmother; there really is enough love to go around in my life for me not to be depressed about what I don’t have.

As we focus on what we do have in our lives and all the love, then more will be given to us.  It is a Universal Law.  This time of the year will be filled with happy surprises because we expect them!  The goals that we have been working toward all year regarding our careers, our life purpose, and our love life will manifest because of our hard work on them and our expectations.  The key now is to enjoy the moments!  Enjoy the people and the Holiday Magic in your life!  Create great holiday memories and live to tell about them! 

  

“First Date”

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I finally gathered enough energy to go out on a “real date” with someone new!  Yay!  Go Me!  For the past couple of weeks, well for the past month or so, I had been feeling the urge to anyway; considering the inaction and non-actions of the “Boo-Thang” (love interest).  Last time I checked in with you all I told you how “I didn’t get the memo” that he had been seeing/dating other women; and how he is not ready to be in a committed relationship with me.  I was tired of selling myself short; just waiting around for him to decide whether or not I am “the one” for him.  Consequently, my date with the new guy was great!
Do you think that sometimes in dating we just take off too fast?  I do.  We are ready to plan out the whole relationship, marriage, and babies upon first meeting someone we really like.  That’s really not normal!  In fact, what is normal these days in love and relationships?  I told my hottie of a date last night that people come into our lives when we need them to.  We both agreed that honesty works best; even though sometimes giving away too much information can be a turn off, everyone deserves the right to know who or what type of situation they are possibly getting themselves into.  My date was just about as authentic as me, and I really appreciated that about him.  Everything was movie/picture perfect for a “First Date” situation; even our waitress was *blushing*. 

I have to say that this something/someone new who I encountered last night created a fresh energy for me.  Don’t we want all of our relationships/friendships to give us that feeling?  How do we lose that sense along the way with some of our love interests?  Some dating situations turn stale and sour.  Maybe it’s because one person wants more from the other, like a commitment; or wanting to change that person.  The only one you can change is you; and if you don’t like the way a dating situation is working out then you should explore other options because trying to force someone into something or force them to change will make you miserable.  You wind up losing yourself and sight of your purpose. 

 Well, me and my date plan to see each other again.  How exciting!  I mean we had things in common and talked about everything under the sun.  New friendships/relationships are always fun in the beginning, and we hope to be able to maintain authenticity with people.  It feels good to be around people who allow you to be yourself!  He wondered what I am planning to do with my “Boo-Thang” now.  A couple of weeks ago I released a YouTube video on Boo-Thangs, and how we deserve to be more than just a “homieloverfriend”.  Of course I still have feelings for the dude (we are approaching 9 months), but I’ve decided that I can’t just sit around and wait for him; and I really don’t think at this point in his life that he’s expecting me to.  Maybe he’ll come to his senses or maybe he too will continue to date other women or whatever it is that he does when he’s not with me.  Whatever happens, I know that things will work out for the good for everyone because I believe in God and that the Universe is always working to bring me only good; and that’s what I expect for my life! 

 So, no, I’m not going to plan anything…I still desire a relationship/a commitment but this doesn’t usual happen overnight.  Not that it can’t…but our actions must show God that we are open to receiving only the best by removing or letting go of situations or people that block us from receiving what we desire deep inside!

The holidays are approaching!  Good luck cuddling up with your “Boo-Thangs” or your New Thangs!  I love you all!  And I’ll keep you posted!

 

–Dr. Rae