Category Archives: relationships

“I Wanna Sex You Up…”

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What a sexy, classy video we have here!  Oh the 90s!  Women’s sexual liberation and empowerment!  Just look at those classic power suits on the men and women in this video.  Who misses the 90s?  How would I know about the sexual liberation? I was only 11 when this video released; but hey, I just remember all the female rap groups who seemed secure and powerful in their sexuality or want/need for sex.  They were fully clothed but hey we got the message even as pre-teens. Not sure if we really knew what we were talking about (we were scared to say the “S” word- it was S-E-X then; we sang the song and spelled it out- and it was funny every time we said it)-middle school… but anyway…

It’s been too dang long since I updated my blog…so much has happened.  Too much to compile here.  I have finally gotten into a clearer heart and head space to write some stuff.  Here goes.  Yesterday I posted in a Facebook group,

“Men: if a woman only hits you up for sex or with sexual innuendos how would that make u feel especially if u really liked her & wanted to have a serious relationship with her? Would u pursue a commitment from her?”.

So the men chimed in and to my dismay but not total shock, I’ve found that men think way differently from women regarding this topic.  Well not exactly, because most women I know are turned off by men who do it.  It’s a double standard and you all can’t do what we do.  You will get turned down. Even if your goal is sex, you still have to go about it in another way.  Especially over 30 I say…or maybe it’s just me and the majority of women I know. (Unless it’s some Cougar thing where the woman is more like the Sugar Mama but that’s a different subject).  cougar
All I’m saying is for women and some men, there has to be some other benefit (conversation, dinner, companionship, paying a bill, etc) other than sex because these hook-ups take away from the time that you could be spending on work or business or serious relationships.

Basically, the men I surveyed informed me that they wouldn’t try to make more of the relationship if it were just sexual.  The irony is that many women have tried to do just that; make a sexual relationship into more than physical and have failed repeatedly.  These men were adamant in their belief system.  I know that these men don’t represent all men, but it was an interesting perspective.  They were all over 30 and black.  I know that some relationship dynamics work differently in other cultures; and there are some married people despite race, that are with the person who was initially a hook-up.

I didn’t tell these guys but I’m sure they’ll read this post (and they may already know this) but if a woman is contacting you mainly for sex you may want to figure out her motive or why? It kind of seems that these men didn’t care why. They just wanted the benefit of sex; and to answer my initial question, NO, they wouldn’t try to make it more than sex.  The downside of this (and I really don’t have to write this) but it DOES happen; if you don’t use protection this woman can wind up becoming the mother of your child/children.  That’s a big title for someone who you are not planning to have a serious relationship with.  These men said that they would move on from the woman when they were ready for a real relationship.  Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic but it doesn’t make sense to me.  I do understand the point they were making though.  I don’t think this is a prescription for all relationships, but perhaps daters (women) should get more clarity for their motive of hitting the guy up for sex.  I shared with my girlfriend that honestly it isn’t even always about the sex; but the sex is sort of the bait.  I don’t think guys think that way at ALL.  For some women, it’s about the actual companionship whether it only fulfills a need in a pseudo way.

Side Bar: the guys mentioned that the person who initiated the relationship is the only one who can change the dynamic of the relationship.  Hmmm…so if the woman who is hitting him up for sex wants more she should say so?  I don’t think it works like that but this is what the men reported.  Their whole thing was, they’re not going to be the one to attempt to change the dynamic of the relationship. That has to be some male ego thing.  I mean if you like or want the woman just say so!  This may be far fetched, but I think it’s different with other races (white men) – I’m just saying- some folks are on their 3rd Husband or Wife; and you and Charlie been off and on for 10 years what the heck?  Other races seem to move quickly when it comes to—where is this relationship going?- let’s try this thing- if it doesn’t work out-oh well.  Keep it moving!  As I quote myself, “it’s a total waste of time to have a sexual relationship with someone that you know is not going anywhere. Unless that’s just how you choose to live your life”.

On another note: women my age who have no children and do have children but are single, normally will hit you up during that ONE key week out of the month.  See previous post “Single & Ovulating: Post Menstrual Depression or Let’s Get It On?” A few days before her a period and a few days after…it’s hormones.  At the base of it, we have these animal/human instincts that tell us it’s time to procreate. (Be fruitful and multiply). So if family planning is not in the cards then wrap it up! (use a condom or birth control) But for the women pushing 40 who desire to have children, this part of the dating process, single or not, may get you a sperm donor; choose wisely!  😉  Men be careful there may be a motive in there somewhere.

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Social Media Do’s & Don’ts

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eyes computerAm I the only one in a love/hate relationship with social media these days? At times I find myself spending too much time on sites such as Facebook and Twitter, and being less productive in my personal and business goals as a result. Does that sound like you? In order to overcome this challenge in the new year, I’ve created some social media guidelines in order to discipline myself and the time that I spend on such sites. These suggestions for participating online are my attempt to intervene social media addiction. Having an online presence is a great networking and marketing tool for business; finding like-minded groups of people with similar hobbies/interests; and for staying in touch with family and old colleagues. However, individuals should assess the time they spend online and if it’s making him or her counterproductive. An intervention may be necessary; as I mentioned in an article post on Yahoo Voices, “Social Media Burn Out: Do You Need An Intervention?”. It is my hope that these unspoken rules will help me maintain focus and monitor time spent online for greater productivity in my life because “time is money”. Enjoy!

1) Do give yourself a weekly or daily time limit. It can be addictive; so all day everyday is not cool. There’s a real world going on outside of social media.

2) Don’t use it to communicate with close family and friends—unless it’s only for fun.  Talking on the telephone is more intimate, and sending a text message is more personal than communicating online; even in business.

3) Do use it for positive social networking, business connections, and promotions. You never know who you might meet that can invest in your business idea or become a potential client, customer, business colleague, or employer.

4) Don’t use it to “vent” about your personal life or personal business unless it’s funny lol. Remember every one of your FB friends or Twitter followers is not necessarily your real friend; some of them are just lurkers and “haters”.

5) Do use it to keep current with media, social, and world news; especially if you don’t have a TV like me. I’m going to get one of those antenna devices this year and get some local news and TV programs running so that I know what’s going on in the world.
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6) Don’t over-post random shit. Your Timeline is constantly being bombarded by randomness from you, your friends, celebrity and support group pages you follow. Give it a rest sometimes. If you are annoyed by some of the same posts that you see all day everyday, people are probably annoyed by your posts as well.

7) Death to the “Selfie”. I am guilty as charged on this one. If you must take selfies, pictures of yourself, personal photo shoots in your bathroom, just text the selfie to a friend, boyfriend, or girlfriend. Resist the urge to constantly post them on your social media sites; even Instagram, because some people are lurking or could be stalking you without your knowledge. I’ve watched enough “Criminal Minds” and “Lifetime” movies to believe that serial killers do exist. I have over 100 selfies stored in my phone and all of them have not been posted online, but many of them have. I’m thinking of deleting some of them off of my Facebook page and saving them to my computer’s hard drive. If you happen to go through an introverted social media phase, don’t become the “lurker” or stalker yourself because you really don’t have time for it.

8) Don’t use it as a public display of your relationship status especially if it changes weekly and “it’s complicated”. Social media has turned us all into V.I.P.s so stop being the headliner of the day or week. I’d love to change my status from “single” and post lovey-dovey pictures, but I have none to post. Suit yourself on that one.

9) Do use it to check-in with old classmates and networks from past jobs, church, or groups with whom you’ve been affiliated . Your former colleagues may have job leads or information about a city to which you want to relocate. I believe in its inception some of these social media sites were created for these purposes only. There was one called “Classmates”. It pre-dates Facebook. Also, I remember when Facebook first began, you had to be a college student or in one of the school networks in order to join the site. Now it’s open to everyone and everything. Social media has definitely changed in the last ten years.

10) Don’t believe everything you see or read on there. Everyone is not who they say they are online. Don’t feel bad if your real life doesn’t match your online life. I believe in stretching the truth and acting as if to become all you desire to become; thereby creating the life that you desire. However, you don’t have to become a totally different person as some people online are doing. I believe this tidbit of advice will help those who are considering online dating, certain job posts, or Craigslist advertisements. Just be cautious overall when dealing with people you meet online. You won’t know who’s who until you actually meet them in person.

Goodbye 2013!

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newyear14It’s almost over! Woo Hoo! Around this time every year, most of us are excited to cross over into a new year. Why? What makes the end and beginning of the year so different than any other time of the year? I believe it’s because  of our belief that the beginning of the year, or first month of the new year, gives us a clean slate. We feel that we have a chance to set new goals for our lives. I have retired the practice of making New Year Resolutions. It seems that resolutions are harder to keep so in 2013 on January 1st I made a “New Year Wish List”. Guess what? It was very effective as I checked things off of my list throughout the year. There are a few things that I did not check off, but that has given me an opportunity to do some reflection over the past year, that end of the year review, and re-evaluate what I want to accomplish for the upcoming year. As I stated in my recent YouTube VLog, my biggest 2013 lesson was knowing and walking in my Life’s Purpose. This is really all that matters for me in this lifetime. I know my purpose, and now I must walk in it.

I allowed the basics of life to distract me from my overall life’s mission and goals. I know that I’m not alone when it comes to the distractions that life will throw your way. You will be tested and tried. There were certain situations that I thought would turn out differently for my life, especially over the past two years since moving back to my hometown, St. Louis, MO. Through it all, God, the Creator of the Universe has been guiding me toward a Higher Purpose and Calling. My biggest challenge over the past couple of years has been learning that having a life purpose, we all have one or more if/when we realize it, is more important than job status; relationship status; and income. When I think about my book, that I self-published two years ago, and its message, this is its prime message. Find your life’s purpose and pursue it! Geez, I could be so much further along on my path, if I would just take my on advice right?!

Well, enough is enough! I’m ready to pursue and mow this thing down! I’ve had enough of being depressed or sad about my life conditions! I’m ready for change! Are you ready for MAJOR changes in some areas of your life? Is it your finances, career, or love-life? It may be all of the above. You can do it! And why not start in the new year? We have to plan for it and set the goals; we have to write out a new vision and fresh approach to how we are going to achieve what we truly desire from life. You know how fast a year goes by so start today!

action14I also had to continue to learn that loving myself is also apart of my purpose and yours too. Self-love; life purpose; and pursuit of your own happiness is a life long journey. Life will challenge you in every area or maybe just the areas in which you need to grow. As you become stronger in the areas where you are challenged, the challenges become easier and you overcome them. As we go through the new year, it’s important to remember how you felt during the tough times. Those were learning opportunities. What can you do differently in the new year to prevent or prepare for tough times and challenges? You have to allow the tough experiences to make you stronger and better with faith in God and yourself. That’s what I’ve done. It’s easy to get down or have a pity party, but that will not bring you prosperity but only more negativity. Let’s vow to focus on what is going to bring us the results we desire for 2014. As with New Year Resolutions, the New Year Wish List takes some work and action. It is great to have a long list of wishes, desires, and even a vision board, but faith without works is dead. We must take action on what we want to manifest in our lives.

Here’s something different you may want to try, make a Self-Love Mission Statement and Self-Love Affirmations. When we love ourselves, we will not settle in any area of our lives. For example, your goal may be to see financial or an increase in your career. You can affirm and write out a mission statement such as “I love myself and want to see a financial increase in my business. Therefore I will take daily actions to work on my business goals, blogs, networking, services, and events.” Your goal may not be for business but for your health. You can write a similar but different statement like “I love myself and want to lose weight and take care of my overall health. Therefore I will eat healthy foods, exercise, check-in with my doctor, and commit to an overall lifestyle change”. Are these sounding too much like new year resolutions? Whatever you want to call them, the consistent theme is that you must take action. Not just in January, but you must make a commitment to what you desire to see change in your life all year long. Print your mission statement and affirmations out and place them in multiple places where you can remind yourself of your goals everyday. You may even want to just focus on one goal at a time; or take a holistic approach by having multiple goals to loving yourself and your life in the new year.

selflove14I’m very excited about what the upcoming year has in store! I’m making a commitment today to seeing my vision come to fruition! I look forward to hearing about your new year plans. Love you all and wishing you LOVE, Good Health, and Prosperity for 2014! Also, if you have a Self-Love; Dating; or Relationship question please reach out to me for my “Ask Dr. Rae” segment. I will address your question via YouTube or my blog here. Feel free to Tweet me @raeluvs2write or on Facebook at drraelovecoach or email at dr.rae31@gmail.com which is also my paypal address if you would like to purchase a signed copy of my book “Journey to Self: Journey to Love”. Happy New Year Everyone!!

Is Dating a Requirement?

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Is dating a requirement?  Why yes!  How else are you supposed to get to know someone?  I hope this will be my last post on this topic.  I’m starting to sound like a broken record on the ins and outs of dating; hey, it keeps me in business *wink*.  Why is dating so important?  And what is its purpose?  Do you date on purpose?  Or do you just date for fun?  I guess what I’m asking is do you date to mate?  Dating is fun!  It can get expensive and/or creative.  Expensive for the big spenders and those who really want to impress.  I’m not just talking about the person paying for the dates.  Traditionally, the guy pays for the date and the woman pays to make herself look good.  As I always say, there are things you can do for creative dates to save money and look good.  The key is to be yourself while impressing your date.
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So why do we do it?  Why do we go through all the trouble of putting our best foot forward for a potential love match?  It’s fun!  And did I mention it’s fun?  I love dating!  I love getting dressed up and going out to try new restaurants and attractions; yes even in my hometown.  Even if I wasn’t dating to mate (I’m guilty), I would still be a dater.  I am not the type of woman who likes to sit at home often.  Every once and a while staying home as well as dating indoors, dinner and a movie makes a nice date, especially after you get to know someone; and in the Winter time.  But yesterday marked the beginning of almost Summer and Holiday fun and there is so much to do! 

Are you ready?  You know the Winter months were a little rough for me.  I spent Valentine’s Day alone this year…boooooo…so what right?!  Spring has officially blossomed, and I believe that New Love is on the horizon!  (I get so excited because the warmer weather makes me feel good).  Some people say that Spring and Summer are the break-up seasons.  Well, I beg to differ!  “I’ve got Sunshine… in the month of May”.  What does that mean?  New beginnings.  What are you expecting?  We just had a Full Moon the other day.  Whenever there is a full moon, generally around the time we move from one Zodiac to the other, we are now in Gemini, we are to release what’s old and embrace what’s new.  Have you been desiring changes in your life and love life?  I have.  I haven’t been completely happy in my current job or dating life.  I have been longing for changes to happen in my career and dating situation.  I want big changes which may include a new job and a new love.  I’m just saying…sometimes relationships and jobs are one in the same.  Everything is relative and reflective of where we are in our lives.  What goes on inside of us manifests outwardly.
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I am all about encouraging us to pursue our own happiness and desires.  Where we are right now does not determine where will go in the future; only our decisions and actions will.  If it’s time for something new in your career and/or dating life, then it’s time to move on.  I’m just going to keep it real with you, if you found a better job, with more benefits and pay, or how about just something more in line with where you see yourself in your happier future, even at the same pay, wouldn’t you quit that other job? *note* (that advice is not for married people; single daters only).  Now professionally, you should give your former job a two weeks’ notice; but sometimes when it’s time to go, you gotta go!  Stop wasting time in your valuable life.  If you would move on to be happier in your professional life, why wouldn’t you do that in your dating life?  I don’t know how long I’ll be blessed to live, but I want to spend it happy and enjoying it not depressed.  It’s easier to change yourself and your life situations than it is to change others.  Don’t try to change others; do your best at being you.  I may designate this season of life “Self-Love Season”, just for Spring and Summer.  As you know, self-love never goes out of season.  We must love ourselves at all times.  When we are in right relationship with self, not egotistically, then we can be in right relationship with others.
self-love For me, I’m at an age in which I don’t want to play around anymore in my dating life or career.  I know that these things take time and patience sometimes, but when the right opportunities are presented we must move swiftly with the currents of life.  No prayer goes unheard!  Please please embrace all that is new in your life in this season.  What are you waiting for?  Make sure that you are on the same page with whom you are dating…you don’t want to scare anyone away, but if you are dating to mate, and looking for a lifetime partner, you don’t have time to waste with someone who is only looking for a temporary position in your life!
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Happy Spring!  Happy Summer!  Happy Dating!  It is not wrong to pursue your own dream life and happiness!  Good Luck!

Love,

Dr. Rae
 

Why Why Why???

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Why do we like who we like?  Why do we do what we do?  Why are we the way we are?  As it relates to dating, love, and relationships, how do we enact the process?  Are we like animals in the wild instinctively mating during various cycles and times of the month?  Or Do we rationally choose who we date and why?
animalsmating
First let’s address why we like who we like.  When we first meet someone there is obviously some sort of physical attraction; depending on the type of dater you are.  For me, there is usually a physical feature or something in the guys’ appearance that is attractive.  It could be his face, hair, accent, height, demeanor, or the way he carries himself.  Typically, these characteristics represent physical attraction, and everyone has a particular preference or type of person they are drawn to for reasons that we can’t always explain.  This phenomenon is similar to simply being attracted to certain colors or other things we like; like clothing, cars, etc.  I believe that what we like or buy somehow represents us and our personality. That would be the major explanation for why we like what we like initially.  It could be from our upbringing or how we were bred.  Some people may have been born with a silver spoon and have already been pre-exposed to knowing about the “finer” things in life.  However, if a person has never had any materialistic type of things, expensive cars, clothes, etc, he or she may seek those things out.  There is nothing wrong with exploring a different side of life.  Contrastingly, you have people who are just the opposite.  Their personality is more in line with the simple things in life.  They may even be an environmentalist type of person.  What does all of this have to do with dating?  In choosing a mate, once we move passed our animal instinct of “ooo look at the nice looking man or woman, come on let’s mate” (be fruitful and multiply) without thinking, we realize that we attract who we are.  Or is it that opposites attract?  We just like who we like; this person represents some aspect of ourselves or the self we would like to be or become.  (The two become one).
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So how do we choose our mate? Or why do we choose who we choose?  I’ve always said that it’s easier for men than women; but the men argue that it’s not.  So once we move beyond the physical attraction of the person, what’s next?  There has to be something about the person during the getting to know you process that keeps you attracted. The relationship can’t all be physical right? Not in choosing a Mate or life-long partner.  I hope that we are looking for some substance in this process.  Maybe some are not but this post is not intended for that type of casual dater; we’ve all been there before, and this is how some choose to date.  “Willy Nilly”…you hear people say all the time that they’re not looking for anything.  Is it because they are not the settling down type?  Then you hear people say, well, I wasn’t looking for a partner when I met my Husband or Wife or Girlfriend or Boyfriend…is it because they were busy with the business of life?  It is a thin line between the two.  We must keep ourselves busy with life; however we have to make time to date if our goal is to meet our potential Husband or Wife.  On the other hand, we should not live obsessing over our Future Mate, and how we are having such a difficult time; and how we keep dating or finding losers!  Yes, I’ve been there before too.

So what is it about the potential or the men or women that you are dating that keeps you holding on and hoping that he or she is Mr. or Ms. Right?  Is it their looks? (How shallow). Is it their money, educational level, the way they treat you?  What is it?  It is a combination of things.  Does this person have a plan for their life?  Does this person want to or plan to get married one day?  How does this person really feel about you?  Are they good with money and investments?  If they have children (we’re in the 30s), are they a good parent?  How do they treat their parents or other family members?  These are important questions to ask yourself, your potential, and also to observe through this process.  Have you clearly defined what you are looking for in a Mate?  We all think we know what we want; I hope.  But still sometimes we often wind up settling…we settle into what’s comfortable at the time.  The downside of staying in a comfortable situation is that you run the risk of not really getting the type of relationship that you desire.
Young Couple Seated Back To Back
For example, when you first meet a person, they are all about impressing you.  For the ladies, the guy will take you out; show you off to some of his friends; spend lots of time with you, the getting to know you phase (in the beginning).  Then he becomes more comfortable with you and his true colors come out; now all of a sudden he says that he doesn’t have the money to go out or that he doesn’t really like to go out.  What do you do?  Is this the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with knowing that you are the type of person who enjoys nights on the town with your Man?  I’m just saying; I know that’s not what relationships are all about, but how do you deal with someone who has portrayed such extremes in your relationship?  Do we stay in that situation for supposed love or just keep it moving?  You decide…

It seems that dating takes too much work…it should be fun right?  I remember when I was in college a guy friend said that dating is expensive.  I can definitely see how that could be true from a man’s perspective.  If he’s a gentleman, then he’s all about paying for the dinner, movie, and/or lunch, the outing.  I’ve always said that daters should become more creative.  There are lots of free ways to date which happen to be more romantic than spending lots of money on food that’s not always that good anyway.  Dating, choosing, and finding our mate takes time and balance.  If you live a balanced life, then you can attract a balanced Mate.  Unfortunately, life will throw plenty of challenges at us everyday.  In our effort to stay sane, life will affect the way we interact with our potential mates.  Do you date more than one person at a time?  It all depends on if you have the time to right; and again it can get expensive.  Maybe the first or second date could be a trip to the gym or a nice walk in the park; or maybe to church.  What’s most important in dating is finding common ground.  You have to have some things in common.  No, it doesn’t have to be everything in common; that could be quite boring.  You have to be able to talk to and communicate with your ideal Mate; and you will find early on if you mesh well with or are compatible with this person.
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I always say…just be you!  Your potential will love you even more if you know who you are; what you’re willing to accept; and what you stand for!  Good luck in love and dating! And please have fun!  Stay focused; stay purposed; and Be True to You!  I love you all!
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 –Dr. Rae ❤

In Transition…

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Happy 2013! We are officially well into the New Year; it’s almost March!  It seems I’ve been hiding…hiding from you all and hiding from myself.  You ever just feel so scatter-brained? We pray for change with the New Year making resolutions and such.  This year I didn’t make resolutions but a New Year’s Wish List.  I haven’t quite seen these wishes come true, but the good news is that I feel them on the horizon.  A new friend of mine asked me, when I told him about my wish list plan, did I write out how I would accomplish them.  Now there’s a thought.  No, I didn’t plan it out; I just had to write out what I want to happen in 2013.  Write the vision down; know what it is that you want from life.  In reality, I don’t feel as though I’ve been true to or working hard enough to see these dreams come into manifestation.  It’s easy just to coast along, but let us remember that we must take action with the energy of the New Year instead of letting it get away from us.  Sometimes we can be in such a rush for change that we will try too hard.  On the other hand, if we don’t keep referring to what we want, like actually looking at our list of goals and desires, we lose sight of them and get caught up in the everyday pressures of living life.  Pressures, meaning whatever life can unexpectedly throw at you such as illness, financial woes, lost love life or loved ones, etc.  We must learn to navigate through the hardships while attempting to enjoy life and focus on what makes us happy in life such as pursuing our goals.
set goalsNow this brings me to our love topic of the day.  I plan to go live again soon on my YouTube Channel www.youtube.com/drraelovecoach for a 2013 message.  Where are we in our love lives today?  Here goes… the love life is just as scattered as the brain.  Everything is connected here.  Let me explain.  For example, after a 20 minute conversation with the 2012 Boo-Thang on December 30th, and evaluating where I am on this day in February, somehow it all makes sense.  I thought I’d found the one…one of the ones…you know you get that feeling sometimes.  I spent countless energy attempting to pursue this relationship with said Boo-Thang who continued to mention his emotional unavailability due to a break-up that occurred earlier in the year.  We had some great times in 2012, but I was unable to obtain that sought after solid relationship with a title that I’ve been searching for/desiring.  Which brings us to the present day 2013…transition.
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The transition is a strange but excellent place to be in.  Like everything it has its pros and cons.  Essentially, this is what the 2012 Boo-Thang was trying to express.  Long story short, he felt as if we needed to focus on getting our lives together instead of being in a relationship.  As the holidays have come and gone, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine’s Day, I found myself alone.  Not even a Boo-Thang to share them with…this reality check at age 32 has hit me in the face…and heart…but now I’m back and ready to pursue my purpose and passions.  I’m ready to get my life in order and together.  So you’re thinking “haven’t you been doing this for awhile now”…why yes.  I spent the last six years pursuing a Doctorate degree that I was unable to complete.  How long will this transition last and what exactly is it?  This is no longer the finding myself transition.  Someone asked me that the other day.  “He said you didn’t have a Valentine because you’re finding you”…uh No… I had a Valentine last year and where is he today?  He ran away…because he was in transition when I met him…I’ve always thought that I was ready to settle down.  I still am…but we all must go through the transition.  It is similar to finding yourself…only it goes deeper than that.  It doesn’t matter your age when you go through this process.  I’m thinking that if we don’t complete this transition at a given time, we’ll have to pick it back up again.  What am I talking about?  Really pursuing what you are passionate about!

I want security…the kind that doesn’t come from a 9-5; the type of jobs I’ve been trying to obtain for almost two years now.  It’s bewildering because it shouldn’t take so much to get a job these days.  Is it because the Universe, God, is pushing me to a different calling? Something outside of the norm?  A few weeks ago, my mom said that I act as if my book, my baby, doesn’t exist.  That’s a mortifying thought.  I have allowed the pressures of life to get in the way of what I believe in.  Have I lost love for my baby?  My creativity…the thing that makes me unique?  Let us not lose sight of our gifts and talents because at the end of the day we are worth more than any 9-5 can provide for us.  We don’t knock the hustle or the so called stability of it…but what do we really want?
mybook2012  Some may say, I want my Husband and kids…me too…but when he comes along will I be ready?  Will I put my passions to the side for him and to start a family or will I be ready to roll!  I’ll have something in place that looks like I’m ready.  Here’s what I’ve done and accomplished…for now…I’m just in transition.  So when the next stranger, old, young, married…whatever, whoever tries to make you feel insecure for being over 30 and single just say…”I’m in transition”…God is still preparing me for who and what He has for me.  I have a BIG dream to accomplish!

If they can’t respect that, then you definitely don’t have time for the distraction. Keep it moving!

I didn’t say don’t date…but don’t settle or allow anyone to make you feel like something is wrong with you…God has someone for you because you believe.  We attract that which we are…as we get more settled from the transition, the right person will appear. By this time we will be more confident in ourselves for working toward the dream we believe in.
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Miss Positivity

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Happy New Year’s Eve Everyone!  The last day of 2012!  We have made it through another year filled with ups, downs, life and love lessons.  It’s time for us to move on into 2013 with a sense of peace and purpose.  For the entire month of December I devoted myself to a 31-day challenge of keeping a positive mindset.  I tried my best to monitor my thoughts, actions, and behaviors; what I read; what I watched and listened to; and who I hung out with.  Although this past month and my endeavor of staying positive was met with some challenges, which are sure to come to us in our life, I can say that my efforts paid off.  I actually feel that I’m getting back to my true self; who has always been a “glass half full” type of person. 

 glasshalffullI’m looking forward to keeping the positive lifestyle for 2013.  This is the only way we will accomplish and manifest the life and love life that we truly desire.  We want to experience all that God has for us; God’s best!  If not, then what is the purpose of living?  In reality, we aren’t promised to have only good days; but we can have awesome days everyday if we alter our perceptions of what’s really going on around us and in us.  Change is inevitable.  Without it, we are not growing.  When I was little, my granny would ask me everyday or whenever I saw her at least once or twice a week, “whatcha know”?  I always wondered why Granny would ask me that all the time.  I would always reply “nothing”; sort of dry-like and confused especially once I was in my teenage years.  Now as I reflect on that simple question, “what do you know”, I realize its importance, and why Granny felt the need to constantly pose it.

The more we know, or the more we are seeking out new experiences; knowledge; insights; the more we are growing.  That’s the purpose or meaning of life.  The acquisition of knowledge, or knowingness, and the ability to share what we are learning with others.  I’m sure Granny hoped that one day I’d give her a new answer; and I’m sure she knew that I knew more than “nothing”.  New information is constantly presenting itself to us everyday; especially now in this instant information age in which we live.  You literally have to be living under a rock or in a cave to miss out on the happenings of the world.  Sometimes it’s an information overload, and for me taking in all the new can become tiresome because some of it is meaningless and unworthy of spending good energy entertaining.  That’s why we must watch what we watch and listen to; too much negativity is exhausting, and we must combat it with positive energy, music, and thoughts. 

 Books-06Today is a great day for making resolutions for the New Year.  We always feel positive about the changes we want to make, but we don’t always stick to them.  Let’s seek to make our goals realistic and attainable enough to become a way of life.  Just like I promised myself 31-days of positivity, which may have become annoying to some of my Twitter followers, let’s promise ourselves to commit to making changes for the New Year that will impact us for the rest of our lives.  Becoming a better person; detoxing from negativity; obtaining a job or entrepreneurial idea; weight loss; seeking a healthy love relationship; whatever the goal or dream is not instantaneous.  Everything we are seeking to accomplish involves a process that begins within and will not manifest until just the right time.  The more positive we are about seeing the result; and the more we believe in its inevitability; and the more work and effort we put toward seeing it come into reality, the easier the process becomes.  Before we know it, we will have all that we desire.  Sometimes it will show up nothing like we expected, but the outcome will be good!

So what is it that you desire for 2013?  Write it down and start working on making your dream a reality.  In 31 days, I didn’t obtain the goals, dreams, or desires that I had written down, but I can truly say that my rewards are intrinsic.  I started the process of constant belief.  I decided to stick to something; staying positive about my life and the direction in which it is going despite its external conditions.  Just because you don’t see your dream right away, it doesn’t mean you give up; it means you keep going and keep pushing because there is a lot of work being done behind the scenes.  God knows; the Universe is working on your behalf because you believe.  I am believing with you.  The time is now!

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