Category Archives: sex

“I Wanna Sex You Up…”

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What a sexy, classy video we have here!  Oh the 90s!  Women’s sexual liberation and empowerment!  Just look at those classic power suits on the men and women in this video.  Who misses the 90s?  How would I know about the sexual liberation? I was only 11 when this video released; but hey, I just remember all the female rap groups who seemed secure and powerful in their sexuality or want/need for sex.  They were fully clothed but hey we got the message even as pre-teens. Not sure if we really knew what we were talking about (we were scared to say the “S” word- it was S-E-X then; we sang the song and spelled it out- and it was funny every time we said it)-middle school… but anyway…

It’s been too dang long since I updated my blog…so much has happened.  Too much to compile here.  I have finally gotten into a clearer heart and head space to write some stuff.  Here goes.  Yesterday I posted in a Facebook group,

“Men: if a woman only hits you up for sex or with sexual innuendos how would that make u feel especially if u really liked her & wanted to have a serious relationship with her? Would u pursue a commitment from her?”.

So the men chimed in and to my dismay but not total shock, I’ve found that men think way differently from women regarding this topic.  Well not exactly, because most women I know are turned off by men who do it.  It’s a double standard and you all can’t do what we do.  You will get turned down. Even if your goal is sex, you still have to go about it in another way.  Especially over 30 I say…or maybe it’s just me and the majority of women I know. (Unless it’s some Cougar thing where the woman is more like the Sugar Mama but that’s a different subject).  cougar
All I’m saying is for women and some men, there has to be some other benefit (conversation, dinner, companionship, paying a bill, etc) other than sex because these hook-ups take away from the time that you could be spending on work or business or serious relationships.

Basically, the men I surveyed informed me that they wouldn’t try to make more of the relationship if it were just sexual.  The irony is that many women have tried to do just that; make a sexual relationship into more than physical and have failed repeatedly.  These men were adamant in their belief system.  I know that these men don’t represent all men, but it was an interesting perspective.  They were all over 30 and black.  I know that some relationship dynamics work differently in other cultures; and there are some married people despite race, that are with the person who was initially a hook-up.

I didn’t tell these guys but I’m sure they’ll read this post (and they may already know this) but if a woman is contacting you mainly for sex you may want to figure out her motive or why? It kind of seems that these men didn’t care why. They just wanted the benefit of sex; and to answer my initial question, NO, they wouldn’t try to make it more than sex.  The downside of this (and I really don’t have to write this) but it DOES happen; if you don’t use protection this woman can wind up becoming the mother of your child/children.  That’s a big title for someone who you are not planning to have a serious relationship with.  These men said that they would move on from the woman when they were ready for a real relationship.  Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic but it doesn’t make sense to me.  I do understand the point they were making though.  I don’t think this is a prescription for all relationships, but perhaps daters (women) should get more clarity for their motive of hitting the guy up for sex.  I shared with my girlfriend that honestly it isn’t even always about the sex; but the sex is sort of the bait.  I don’t think guys think that way at ALL.  For some women, it’s about the actual companionship whether it only fulfills a need in a pseudo way.

Side Bar: the guys mentioned that the person who initiated the relationship is the only one who can change the dynamic of the relationship.  Hmmm…so if the woman who is hitting him up for sex wants more she should say so?  I don’t think it works like that but this is what the men reported.  Their whole thing was, they’re not going to be the one to attempt to change the dynamic of the relationship. That has to be some male ego thing.  I mean if you like or want the woman just say so!  This may be far fetched, but I think it’s different with other races (white men) – I’m just saying- some folks are on their 3rd Husband or Wife; and you and Charlie been off and on for 10 years what the heck?  Other races seem to move quickly when it comes to—where is this relationship going?- let’s try this thing- if it doesn’t work out-oh well.  Keep it moving!  As I quote myself, “it’s a total waste of time to have a sexual relationship with someone that you know is not going anywhere. Unless that’s just how you choose to live your life”.

On another note: women my age who have no children and do have children but are single, normally will hit you up during that ONE key week out of the month.  See previous post “Single & Ovulating: Post Menstrual Depression or Let’s Get It On?” A few days before her a period and a few days after…it’s hormones.  At the base of it, we have these animal/human instincts that tell us it’s time to procreate. (Be fruitful and multiply). So if family planning is not in the cards then wrap it up! (use a condom or birth control) But for the women pushing 40 who desire to have children, this part of the dating process, single or not, may get you a sperm donor; choose wisely!  😉  Men be careful there may be a motive in there somewhere.

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STL Author’s New Book Takes a Unique Journey Through Love

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STL Author’s New Book Takes a Unique Journey Through Love
by Raegan Johnson

Like many women, Raechel Rivers, 32, grew up with dreams of meeting prince charming, having a few kids and living happily ever after.  But, roughly 42 percent of African American women have never been married—and Rivers is one of them.

“When I reached my late twenties, I began to wonder when is it going to happen?” she says. “I watched friends get married, fall in love, and I wondered why my time hadn’t come. Then I realized I was on a journey toward love, but it didn’t involve anyone else.”

Rivers’ new book, Journey to Self; Journey to Love, is a collection of personal poems, thoughts, and blog entries from her journey through love.

“This book portrays a young woman crossing over from the confusion of adolescence to the responsibility of womanhood–with a sense of self-knowledge,” she says. “In my search for love, I’ve continued to make a full circle back to myself and my Creator. Some of the stories are sad and some funny, but all are worth sharing.”

Journey to Self; Journey to Love is available for $13.99 on Authorhouse.com or $14.99 at Barnes & Noble and on Amazon.com.

“When blogging first became popular, I would post my reflections and thoughts about love and dating,” she says.  “I received a lot of positive feedback. People were inspired and could relate. They suggested that I document what I was posting.  So I did, and it became my book; sort of like a journal.”

Rivers says writing the book was liberating as she faced inner struggles and learning to love herself.

“Through the book, I was able to move forward without dwelling on failed relationships and develop new, healthy relationships. This book is geared more toward single women; but it is also for anyone who wants to discover or re-discover how to love their own person, love God and love others.”

With so many love and relationship books on the market, Rivers says authenticity makes her book stand out.

“I keep it real!” she said.  “I do not sugarcoat how it feels to be single. I do not sugarcoat what single women go through in finding ourselves and navigating through dating and relationships.  I’m not afraid of the truth; it is what sets me free.”

For Rivers, Journey to Self; Journey to Love is just the beginning.

“I’m working on the Self-Love Handbook as a follow-up book,” she said.  “It is more of a guidebook than a tell-all. I am also working on a possible fiction book and a screenplay.”

Follow Rivers’ blog on https://drrae.wordpress.com, www.twitter.com/raeluvs2write, www.youtube.com/drraelovecoach.

I Didn’t Get the Memo…

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Seven months…that’s how long I’ve known my “love interest”, newly titled “love friend”.  We have surpassed the 90 day mark; see previous post regarding the probationary period, and we are now in the grace period of said “no title phase”.  What is the memo that I didn’t receive you ask?  While I thought we were getting closer to the serious phase, meanwhile boo’s mind is far from thinking about an exclusive relationship with me.  Contrastingly, it has been discussed that he doesn’t want to necessarily hear about my relationships/dates with other guys, which have become non-existent circa a month and a half ago; but feels that he couldn’t object to those relationships since we are not together.  So I was definitely in agreement with that about a month ago when I still had other candidates on the brain, but up until about a month ago, I was in “diss” mode toward other men; where I subconsciously created a serious relationship in my own mind (I have a boyfriend, do I??).  In the midst of what boo was saying; I didn’t hear what he wasn’t saying that like him basically I can’t get upset if he is still seeing other people; but somewhere in there I thought we had a conversation where he said that he wasn’t really seeing anyone else.  My how the tide changes within weeks I’m assuming…we are all entitled to change our minds due to life or whatever contingencies.  He’s a guy, I shouldn’t have expected him to say that if some other young lady or circumstance came along that out of convenience or whatever hormones that he wouldn’t satisfy the urge to indulge himself in said new female.  We are not together remember?
Where did I go wrong initially, I didn’t believe him 7 months ago when he said he wasn’t looking for a relationship?  Did I think I could change him?  Did I think I was the one to help him forget about the last woman who hurt him?  I am not God…clearly I’m not…not trying to be either.  Did I not think that I would begin to have feelings for him?  Honestly, we were both in vulnerable states emotionally when we met.  So now what?  Where do we go from here?  We are not on the same page.  I’m looking for growth in a relationship that has become stagnant.  I can say that I want to be in a committed relationship, with him or just in a relationship?  Both.  Well, the him I’ve created in my head; not necessarily the him who in reality; no longer has time or makes time for, love, lunch, texting, talking or me.  Let’s just face it; I’m no longer the best thing since sliced bread or that new toy on Christmas Day.  Who am I and who have I become to him?  A friend?  The verdict is out on that one.  We have a friendship, yes…this is called the gray zone.  Regardless of what it is, the memo involves seeing and spending time with other people; and now I have to figure out how to mainstream myself back into the society of dating…

 I bought a book “The Breakup Book: A Girl’s Guide to Putting the Pieces Back Together”.  I know what you’re thinking, what?!  How is it that you’re broken up with someone you weren’t even with?  And aren’t you supposed to be the “Love Doctor”?  Yes, I am here to help you and give advice; seldom do I take my own advice.  This valley with my love friend feels like a breakup, and I decided to seek out some help on re-charging the blow to my ego.  The author, Diane Mastromarino., is giving me basically the same info that I give you, but sometimes I need to hear someone else say it.  Same message different messenger.  Besides, the book is funny and a short read only 47 pages with some great quotes.

I have to do whatever works, and what I had been doing between now and last month was unhealthy and could possibly ruin the gray zone of this potential relationship.  This is why it’s important not to put a time cap on love.  We have all kinds of baggage to sort through.  Women and men both come with bags in the post-30 dating world; and this is the reality of the situation.  We are not always going to be on the same page at the same time.  You can love someone and not like them…is this making any sense?  It’s helping me; because I’ve been giving this guy a hard time so I need to share my woes with a whole blog society rather than continue to send him texts about how I don’t understand why he wants to see other women; or whatever he’s doing that’s keeping him from being in a serious relationship with me.  He made a good point that being with me and cheating on me would be an option…wow! So true and we are too old for that! 

In all truth, I’m blessed to call him friend and grateful for his honesty.  This memo has been well received…
Will I see him again you ask, even without a commitment?  Is this worth riding out just a little bit longer?  Stay tuned…     

Love & Hip Hop: Growing up in the 90s/Early 2000s & Learning about Love & Sex

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Now here’s something I’ve been wanting to address for some time now.  I was duly inspired last weekend while hanging out at one of StL’s newest, black-owned, hot spots Soho in the Grove.  I was with my cousins and friends celebrating my best first cousin’s bday.  We are all officially in the 30 & up club; never even imagined this day would come when we were pretending to be and wanting to be grown while still playing with our Barbie dolls at age 13…shhh, don’t tell anyone.  That’s when we weren’t learning the “Doo Doo Brown” (a dance…yuck) at the skating rink on the weekends, circa the 90s at Saints Roller Rink.  Why was the name Saints? Idk, because I’m not sure what type of Saints we were becoming on Saturday and Sunday nights as teenagers back in the day learning to back it up.  All in fun right?!  Those were the days…
Anywho, the music at Soho last Saturday definitely gave me the creative juice to go on and get this long overdue post out.  We are now turning into our parents as the DJ played some Lil Kim, Puffy, and Biggie (Junior Mafia).  We were jamming, drinking, and eating; reminiscing about the good ol’ days, and the skating rink, and talking about how kids today don’t know; and that music today is not what it was when we were in our teens and 20s.  (we’re so old now right?) lol!  So this Love & Hip Hop post is not about some reality show that I don’t know much about because I don’t watch a whole lot of TV (junk).  This is about real life and the impact the 90s and early 2000s music made on us, the adolescents of that time period, regarding love and sexuality.

My underlying theme ultimately concerns the role the female rappers/MCs of that age played; and how there really isn’t that type of representation existing today.  Am I so much under a rock that I don’t know what’s going on in the world (my cousin says I’m the oldest young person), and who is repping for the ladies these days?  Or am I just growing up and I can’t keep up with the fast-paced music industry?  There was a time when I couldn’t miss a “beat”; not really a “hip-hop head” per se, but I have an older brother and somehow I was able to keep up more in my teens and 20s.  I could add the title DJ (DJ Raechie Raech to be exact…corny, I know) to my list of hats pre-30, but I guess life changes have set me back; or it may just be my own personal evolution.
Back to the scene at Soho:  So the music is playing, and you know the song by the intro of the baseline…you hear that familiar voice screeching “Big Booty Ho3$ hump with it”!  We get excited and commence to putting a hump in our backs and shaking our booties!  The shot of patron has officially kicked in by this time.  🙂  Yes!  That voice was Uncle Luke and his 2 Live Crew, “you ain’t nothin but a hoochie mama, hood rat hood rat, hoochie mama”.  Sort of embarrassing huh?  Not really, the night is becoming very nostalgic thus far; this is the music we grew up on and learned to “pop that thang to”. LBVS!!!!  So all the 30 and up guys are like really?  Laughing and enjoying all the booties popping and shaking.  They’re thinking you don’t know this music, “you were five when this song was out”.  No, I was like 13 or 15 (no one believes I’m over 30).  I was probably about 14 or so; this song is from the movie Friday, Ice Cube’s first film production, #classic!  His girlfriend in the movie was truly a Hoochie Mama, this was her theme music.  Funny stuff!  So while Uncle Luke was teaching us how to shake those ti!!ties and “pop that coochie”, who was representing for the ladies to combat all the trash talking stripper music?
We had the greats, the veterans of the game, ie, Salt-n-Peppa, Queen Latifah, Queen B. aka Lil Kim, Missy Elliott, TLC (Left Eye); yeah, I should have stuck to the plan of being crazy, sexy, and cool; the next crazy Left Eye…had I tried to focus on writing rhymes while writing poetry *wink*, Foxy Brown, Trina, Da Brat, Mia X, Eve…did I leave any women out?  These ladies held it down and liberated us during a time when the rap game was and still is heavily male-dominated.  They empowered us.  They taught us that we could be just as tough as the guys; they taught us the rules of the “game”.  The end of the nineties and crossing over into the 2000s was liberating and empowering for women as we began to embrace being single, independent women rising to positions of power economically, socially, and intellectually.

Socially speaking especially regarding our sexuality, these women held the torch showing us to take control of our bodies (and protect them if we were going to decide to get down with someone) in fighting against the trash talking men.  Men who celebrated having fun, and living the lifestyle of a pimp with hoes, which demeans women.  I remember one of Mia X’s songs where she said “who the playa, who the pimp, who the mack, we need some elbow room we need some elbow room, no sweat”. And this became the theme song for one of the many cliques we created as young ladies growing up.  The P.A.N.E.Y (Pimpin’ All Ns Even Yours) clique. This was the time for us to embrace ourselves as sisters fighting against young boys who thought they were playas.  All in fun right?!  Getting numbers at the skating rink *wink*.  Who and what were we pimpin?  Not a thing! What did we even really know about pimpin?  What could the kids today be doing?  It’s all different now with the influx of technology.  We had pagers, for what?  LOL!  They have cell phones, video messaging, and the Internet…wow!

But Mama Mia was angry on those tracks at some of the real life situations that she had seen and been through.  Wasn’t that was music was about?  Being able to convey real messages about life?  Where are we today in portraying real life through music or is it all about the party tracks?  So the young ladies today have Nicki Minaj…I respect the game, but uh, yeah to talk about Nicki Minaj would require another blog post on how I really feel.  As I watched the BET awards this year, she had no other competition.  Where are the female rappers?  What did we lose in what we gained in expressing our sexuality?  Are we afraid to speak out about the real issues that bug us about men through music; beyond R&B I mean?  Society can’t handle the real issues that need to be addressed; so we continue to show the foolery on TV like (Love & Hip Hop and Basketball Wives).  Additionally, our music continues to broadcast nonsense through the radio that inherently just keeps our booties shaking.  What messages are we sending?  And how are we being empowered?

By the time I reached college, I was full of “swag” regarding my understanding of the game.  It didn’t matter who or what guys liked me, I was going for whoever I liked.  This is what I somehow learned, that women could treat men the way they treated us.  “Pimpin”, but what was lost in that type of mentality?  Now that I’m post-30 and ready to settle down, I am gaining a true understanding of what it means for a guy to really like you and court you.  That’s what a real man is supposed to do.  He is not to treat you like a notch on his belt.  You are not supposed to pursue him.  You have to, as my big Sis Angie says “sit on the porch and wait for him”.  It was fun dating and being liberated, and having NSA (no strings attached) relationships, but that does not get you to the ultimate goal of becoming a girlfriend or wife.  There are women who have seen both sides of the coin.  No one wants to be a dumb girlfriend whose man is cheating on her with every round-away girl in town.  And no one wants to be the side-chick.  Everyone at some point wants to be number 1.  I know I do!  There are some men who will even settle for being your “Boyfriend #2”.  Keyword settle.

Where do we go from here?  Learn from the veterans who are all chillin’ somewhere because they’ve sown their oats, had kids, gotten married, the whole 9.  I want the young ladies to understand that we can’t act like men or attempt to treat them the way some of them attempt to treat us.  Being a player is not in style and not cute in the age of STDs, etc.  The player will be played.  As far as rap and someone to represent the ladies, I sincerely hope that Nicki Minaj and whoever is to become the next big “IT” girl after her realize how much power they have lyrically to influence the minds of young women…and that the bulk of influence goes beyond the size of our butts!  Again I ask, what message are we sending today?

(to be continued…)

Not the Marrying Type

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One of the worst statements you can say to a single woman who is past the age of thirty, or any age for that matter is, “I don’t understand why you are single?” Excuse me but if my single status is of no concern to me, why are you worried about it? Other rude no no’s include sarcastic expressions from doctors and health professionals during my quarterly visits. Yes I said quarterly; back when I was still in graduate school and the services were free. “How many new partners have you had over the past year?” “Are you not the marrying type?” She goes on further to say that getting tested will not keep you from getting diseases (agreed) and in the next breath refers me to a shrink. *look of shock and perplexity on my face* Excuse me Ma’am, but would you like to lose your job? It is none of your business how many partners I’ve had; hey at least I am here, and again the services are free or at the expense of the school. There are people running around who don’t know their STD statuses, and I want to remain current with mine; and give me a shrink only if I request one, thanks! Well thank God for finally helping me to finish school and enter the real world without free services, with the exception of certain clinics; but some of these places are not the ones you want to visit too often. We don’t trust health professionals that much anyway; not here in the inner-city or anywhere for that matter. We’d rather pay an arm and leg with the help of the health insurance programs offered to us in the workplace. What are we paying for; more privacy and a facility that has nice pictures on the wall? Anywho, it was nice when the nurse practitioner told me that I had one of the healthiest cervixes she’d seen all day (and I credit my diet at the time…I probably had just finished detoxing). Wow! I hope that post-30 my vagina is healthy. Yes, as we age there should be a lifestyle change which includes fewer visits to make sure “everything is okay”. Fewer partners equal fewer visits. We are moving toward becoming the “marrying type” right?

What or who is this marrying type that we speak of? She or he is someone who is or believes themselves to be ready for a more settled relationship, which could lead to marriage, whether they already have children or not. This person is not the “serial-dater”. I would say that we all must be some sort of serial-dater until we figure out what we want or feel that we are ready to be in a serious, and we pray, monogamous relationship. There are two types of serial-daters: one is the person who goes on a series of dates. This is the person I would say who is enjoying life and trying to see who’s out there. They are trying to figure out what they truly desire in a mate, or they are just having fun! The other is the person (and we all have friends like this), they are all or nothing. Every time you look up they have a new “girlfriend” or “boyfriend”. Geez, what happened to your last serious relationship? No breaks in between. No time for finding yourself! Any one of us has been this person before a time or two; the serial-dater. The rest of us just take sabbaticals, sometimes purposely, sometimes not; we are finding ourselves. Finding yourself is definitely ongoing and can take place even while you are out here dating, which is when you discover that certain relationships aren’t working for you; because they don’t line up with what you really want for your life and love life.

Through it all, some may decide that they truly aren’t the marrying type. Now that wouldn’t be fair for the serial-dater to hook up with the one who is thinking and acting as if they are ready for marriage. Once this is discovered, and we hope early on in the courtship or whatever we call dating and getting to know each other these days, then both parties can respectfully move on knowing that it was fun; this is not who or what I really want for my life; now keep it moving. “It’s not you, it’s me”, or maybe you’re just not for me. As we continue to define ourselves and life goals and purpose, we will be able to avoid a long drawn out process of the dating game. The marrying type may show up with a long laundry list of qualities, characteristics, income bracket, job-type, religion, race, height, weight, etc…maybe that has been you before too. For many reasons, this doesn’t work either. The best advice, work on yourself at all times because we know that we attract that which we are…we look for someone who is like-minded; someone who is going where we are going; someone who wants what we want out of life; someone to complement us on this journey called life! Someone who makes us want to be a better person. We move from being the serial-dater to becoming the marrying type when we meet this person. They help us to evaluate our life; and our dating life, whether we have one or not. We put away the laundry list, and we become open to the possibilities of love! Of course we keep or develop our standards. We enjoy the moment of the new possibilities while healing from the baggage of past relationships; which sometimes aid in our serial-dating behaviors.

Spring has sprung! Love is in the air, and all things have become new! More updates later on the life and times of your favorite “Love Guru”, Dr. Rae! Smoochez! Remember to fall in love with yourself, God, and your life purpose, and then the love of your life will be revealed! We are so much more attractive when we are busy working on our dreams! The two come together for a purpose; remember that as you are out here on the scene full of serial-daters. It becomes easier as we focus on what’s really important in our lives. Let’s live to date on purpose. Not just to be dating; not to take the fun out of it, but know what you want as you enter into the field. It’s almost like job hunting! LOL! 😉 Work on your “I’m the marrying type” resume’ if that’s your goal. Don’t highlight your negatives. Focus on the positives and what you can add to someone else’s life!

 

 

Black Love

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Dive deeply into the waters of my soul;
Man is not willing to take that risk.
He will drown in my love,
My deep dark black love,
He is afraid of my love.

When it consumes him,
He will die in my love.
So dive deeply into my love,
My deep dark black love,
Black man consume me with your love;

But first we must die to self…
That’s the only way we can know love.
Free yourself; for there is liberty in love.
Love yourself; for there is happiness in love.
Forgive yourself; for there is healing in love.

Dive deeply into the waters of my soul,
And there I will meet you;
Where God resides…

 
©Free Your Mind 2011

 

Single & Ovulating: Post Menstrual Depression or Let’s Get It On?

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Now that I’m 30 there are so many more topics I can be very candid about; especially as I continue to study life, love, and myself.  So today I’m here to discuss Post Menstrual (Period) Depression (PMD).  We’ve all heard of PMS, but what about this touchy subject which concerns the time after a menstrual cycle when you ovulate.  Does this sound like you?

 1)      You are ready to “Get It On” like Marvin Gaye.

 2)      You don’t have a boyfriend (Man) or Husband, and because of feeling so good and extra on the inside, you are ready to get it on with the next man who walks by.

 3)       You are irrational (not even thinking clearly) because your body is saying one thing (it’s time to pro-create) but your mind is saying…you’re single and you’re 30, and you’re ready to settle down so having sex with the next man who walks by (animal instinct) would not be a great idea.

 4)      You are frustrated (depressed) because you really want to get it on, but not with just anybody; not the new guy; not the old guy; and not with the young guy who doesn’t practice safe sex; because you decided to stop taking your birth control pills since you’re not getting any…nights like this you wish you were married or at least in a serious relationship.     

 So, what do we do in the event of days like this…

 As I type this quick note, I’m actually on my way to take a very hot bath…I need to get my mind off of procreating…LOL!! So that my irrational body-mind does not try to sleep with the next man walking by…It’s perfectly natural to feel how you feel because hey, your body was designed to pro-create “be fruitful and multiply”, but in our human minds especially now that the 20’s have ended…we must be clear about bringing our desire of not wanting to be single into manifestation.  So here’s what you do on nights like this…

 1)      Take a hot bath.

 2)      Call your girlfriends and vent about the men you are “dating” or don’t presently have access to…discuss the fact that you are ovulating, but not quite ready for children or more children…and how you no longer want to be single especially on nights like this.

 3)      Randomly text your “boo” or all of your boos…past and present…this will help to alleviate the depression…and maybe clear up mis-understandings of why they are no longer in your life…I am way more confident and aggressive when I’m ovulating.  Go Figure!  Like a Lioness!  LOL!

 4)      If your boo is long-distance, be grateful for multi-media messages, but also be careful because this type of “freaky” picture sending may only frustrate you and him.

 5)      If you just can’t stand being alone during this week of being “fertile” and ready to make babies, you have my permission to make that booty call!  Can you believe the Love Doctor is giving you the okay?  OMG!  For heavens sakes, it’s natural so don’t condemn yourself.  Just be extra careful about who you decide to hook-up with.  a) Definitely don’t make it the next man who walks by…unless he meets your criteria.  b) You may want to call the guy who you know only wants to have sex with you; unless it’s already an unhealthy relationship that needs to end.  c) Please don’t call the under-aged young man who has been hitting on you and wants to treat you like “Stella”…you haven’t lost your groove yet, you are only 30 or so…d) Protect yourself…especially if you don’t want a baby or an STD by a “random” guy.   

 Okay folks…this is my keep it real topic of the day!  Take a big *sigh*, read a book, find something positive to do if you can avoid making any booty calls.  This too shall pass…and as long as you desire not to be single…it will manifest in due time.  Meanwhile…take care of yourself!

 –Love ya! 

 Oh yeah…and the men don’t have to know that you are ovulating unless you tell them…they will wonder why you are being extra flirty or have an attitude…not getting any works both ways…I’m sure we all prefer the flirty side!  😉  

 *Note- “Relations” is not always the equivalent of a “Relationship”; so know what you really want before you decide to make that call!

 **Use these guidelines once a month until you meet your “Mr. Right”, or you are ready to conceive; whichever occurs first! 🙂