Category Archives: Soulmate

Life Purpose

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Loving-LifeWhat is better than finding your Soul Mate? Finding your Life Purpose… Why, you ask? Your Life’s Purpose is always with you and will always be with you! It is what you think about before you go to sleep…and first on your mind when you wake up in the morning… To many it may sound like I’m describing the feeling you have for a special person. Love of your Life’s Purpose is that same feeling; the feeling you have for your Soul Mate or someone who you believe is your Soul Mate. Why is finding and having a Life Purpose so important? Your “definiteness of purpose” as Napoleon Hill defined, gives you meaning and focus in life. Your purpose gives you something to live for. Why do you get up every morning? Why are you living? Maybe you don’t know…maybe you have drifted away from what you really love. That will happen at times; sometimes we lose sight of purpose because life can be tough. Living this life is all about our perception of what happens to us, not just what happens to us. It’s okay if you haven’t defined your exact purpose. It’s not always one thing; it can be several things. The most important aspect is that you choose something to focus on while you have time on this side of the Earth to do so.

lovelife3Your life’s purpose is something you can pray and meditate on. In fact, you may find that it is something that has been with you and in you since childhood; because God placed it in you! You don’t need to consult with anyone or need anyone’s permission to do what you feel called to do. You will feel so much better about your life once you come into alignment with this special calling. You will be excited about life again! You will not be persuaded to get down about what you can’t control; even the people in your life who you surely can’t control. You just embrace everything about you and the tugging of the Spirit of God within that’s telling you what to do. You want to be happy deep down inside, and only you know what really makes you happy. It doesn’t matter where you live or what people come and go from your life. When you are in pursuit of your purpose, when you are living your purpose, nothing and no one can get in your way. You are focused on what you need to do. It may be a calling to help others in some way. Usually, it will involve some type of help or service for others. Maybe not in the beginning. When you are fostering this purpose, it may seem as though you are being selfish because you have to take time out to prepare for it. Prepare yourself for the people you are called to help. You may be a researcher, a writer, a teacher, a police officer, doctor, or lawyer. Think of almost any occupation; think about entrepreneurs or people in business or ministry. Every calling involves a process of learning and training, but in the end, what you learn along with your gifts and talents will ultimately benefit someone else as well as yourself.

loveyourlife2So today, begin to get a clear picture about what you really want to do. Only focus on that. Focus on what you want to happen in your life and what you want to have in your life; not on what you don’t want to happen or what you don’t have… You have to trick your brain and begin to “act as if”…act as if you already possess everything that you DESIRE (even your Soul Mate). Trust God and the Universe to help you make it happen. “Don’t worry, be happy” because your life can change in an instant! Everyday affirm your purpose; and everyday look for new opportunities to pursue it! Know that ABUNDANCE is more than money. Abundance is peace, love, happiness, joy, family, and friends. Meditate on all that is good in your life and more goodness will be added unto you! It’s your life to live so start living it with a DEFINITE PURPOSE and FAITH!

Love you all!

Peace and Blessings!

Is Dating a Requirement?

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Is dating a requirement?  Why yes!  How else are you supposed to get to know someone?  I hope this will be my last post on this topic.  I’m starting to sound like a broken record on the ins and outs of dating; hey, it keeps me in business *wink*.  Why is dating so important?  And what is its purpose?  Do you date on purpose?  Or do you just date for fun?  I guess what I’m asking is do you date to mate?  Dating is fun!  It can get expensive and/or creative.  Expensive for the big spenders and those who really want to impress.  I’m not just talking about the person paying for the dates.  Traditionally, the guy pays for the date and the woman pays to make herself look good.  As I always say, there are things you can do for creative dates to save money and look good.  The key is to be yourself while impressing your date.
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So why do we do it?  Why do we go through all the trouble of putting our best foot forward for a potential love match?  It’s fun!  And did I mention it’s fun?  I love dating!  I love getting dressed up and going out to try new restaurants and attractions; yes even in my hometown.  Even if I wasn’t dating to mate (I’m guilty), I would still be a dater.  I am not the type of woman who likes to sit at home often.  Every once and a while staying home as well as dating indoors, dinner and a movie makes a nice date, especially after you get to know someone; and in the Winter time.  But yesterday marked the beginning of almost Summer and Holiday fun and there is so much to do! 

Are you ready?  You know the Winter months were a little rough for me.  I spent Valentine’s Day alone this year…boooooo…so what right?!  Spring has officially blossomed, and I believe that New Love is on the horizon!  (I get so excited because the warmer weather makes me feel good).  Some people say that Spring and Summer are the break-up seasons.  Well, I beg to differ!  “I’ve got Sunshine… in the month of May”.  What does that mean?  New beginnings.  What are you expecting?  We just had a Full Moon the other day.  Whenever there is a full moon, generally around the time we move from one Zodiac to the other, we are now in Gemini, we are to release what’s old and embrace what’s new.  Have you been desiring changes in your life and love life?  I have.  I haven’t been completely happy in my current job or dating life.  I have been longing for changes to happen in my career and dating situation.  I want big changes which may include a new job and a new love.  I’m just saying…sometimes relationships and jobs are one in the same.  Everything is relative and reflective of where we are in our lives.  What goes on inside of us manifests outwardly.
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I am all about encouraging us to pursue our own happiness and desires.  Where we are right now does not determine where will go in the future; only our decisions and actions will.  If it’s time for something new in your career and/or dating life, then it’s time to move on.  I’m just going to keep it real with you, if you found a better job, with more benefits and pay, or how about just something more in line with where you see yourself in your happier future, even at the same pay, wouldn’t you quit that other job? *note* (that advice is not for married people; single daters only).  Now professionally, you should give your former job a two weeks’ notice; but sometimes when it’s time to go, you gotta go!  Stop wasting time in your valuable life.  If you would move on to be happier in your professional life, why wouldn’t you do that in your dating life?  I don’t know how long I’ll be blessed to live, but I want to spend it happy and enjoying it not depressed.  It’s easier to change yourself and your life situations than it is to change others.  Don’t try to change others; do your best at being you.  I may designate this season of life “Self-Love Season”, just for Spring and Summer.  As you know, self-love never goes out of season.  We must love ourselves at all times.  When we are in right relationship with self, not egotistically, then we can be in right relationship with others.
self-love For me, I’m at an age in which I don’t want to play around anymore in my dating life or career.  I know that these things take time and patience sometimes, but when the right opportunities are presented we must move swiftly with the currents of life.  No prayer goes unheard!  Please please embrace all that is new in your life in this season.  What are you waiting for?  Make sure that you are on the same page with whom you are dating…you don’t want to scare anyone away, but if you are dating to mate, and looking for a lifetime partner, you don’t have time to waste with someone who is only looking for a temporary position in your life!
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Happy Spring!  Happy Summer!  Happy Dating!  It is not wrong to pursue your own dream life and happiness!  Good Luck!

Love,

Dr. Rae
 

Why Why Why???

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Why do we like who we like?  Why do we do what we do?  Why are we the way we are?  As it relates to dating, love, and relationships, how do we enact the process?  Are we like animals in the wild instinctively mating during various cycles and times of the month?  Or Do we rationally choose who we date and why?
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First let’s address why we like who we like.  When we first meet someone there is obviously some sort of physical attraction; depending on the type of dater you are.  For me, there is usually a physical feature or something in the guys’ appearance that is attractive.  It could be his face, hair, accent, height, demeanor, or the way he carries himself.  Typically, these characteristics represent physical attraction, and everyone has a particular preference or type of person they are drawn to for reasons that we can’t always explain.  This phenomenon is similar to simply being attracted to certain colors or other things we like; like clothing, cars, etc.  I believe that what we like or buy somehow represents us and our personality. That would be the major explanation for why we like what we like initially.  It could be from our upbringing or how we were bred.  Some people may have been born with a silver spoon and have already been pre-exposed to knowing about the “finer” things in life.  However, if a person has never had any materialistic type of things, expensive cars, clothes, etc, he or she may seek those things out.  There is nothing wrong with exploring a different side of life.  Contrastingly, you have people who are just the opposite.  Their personality is more in line with the simple things in life.  They may even be an environmentalist type of person.  What does all of this have to do with dating?  In choosing a mate, once we move passed our animal instinct of “ooo look at the nice looking man or woman, come on let’s mate” (be fruitful and multiply) without thinking, we realize that we attract who we are.  Or is it that opposites attract?  We just like who we like; this person represents some aspect of ourselves or the self we would like to be or become.  (The two become one).
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So how do we choose our mate? Or why do we choose who we choose?  I’ve always said that it’s easier for men than women; but the men argue that it’s not.  So once we move beyond the physical attraction of the person, what’s next?  There has to be something about the person during the getting to know you process that keeps you attracted. The relationship can’t all be physical right? Not in choosing a Mate or life-long partner.  I hope that we are looking for some substance in this process.  Maybe some are not but this post is not intended for that type of casual dater; we’ve all been there before, and this is how some choose to date.  “Willy Nilly”…you hear people say all the time that they’re not looking for anything.  Is it because they are not the settling down type?  Then you hear people say, well, I wasn’t looking for a partner when I met my Husband or Wife or Girlfriend or Boyfriend…is it because they were busy with the business of life?  It is a thin line between the two.  We must keep ourselves busy with life; however we have to make time to date if our goal is to meet our potential Husband or Wife.  On the other hand, we should not live obsessing over our Future Mate, and how we are having such a difficult time; and how we keep dating or finding losers!  Yes, I’ve been there before too.

So what is it about the potential or the men or women that you are dating that keeps you holding on and hoping that he or she is Mr. or Ms. Right?  Is it their looks? (How shallow). Is it their money, educational level, the way they treat you?  What is it?  It is a combination of things.  Does this person have a plan for their life?  Does this person want to or plan to get married one day?  How does this person really feel about you?  Are they good with money and investments?  If they have children (we’re in the 30s), are they a good parent?  How do they treat their parents or other family members?  These are important questions to ask yourself, your potential, and also to observe through this process.  Have you clearly defined what you are looking for in a Mate?  We all think we know what we want; I hope.  But still sometimes we often wind up settling…we settle into what’s comfortable at the time.  The downside of staying in a comfortable situation is that you run the risk of not really getting the type of relationship that you desire.
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For example, when you first meet a person, they are all about impressing you.  For the ladies, the guy will take you out; show you off to some of his friends; spend lots of time with you, the getting to know you phase (in the beginning).  Then he becomes more comfortable with you and his true colors come out; now all of a sudden he says that he doesn’t have the money to go out or that he doesn’t really like to go out.  What do you do?  Is this the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with knowing that you are the type of person who enjoys nights on the town with your Man?  I’m just saying; I know that’s not what relationships are all about, but how do you deal with someone who has portrayed such extremes in your relationship?  Do we stay in that situation for supposed love or just keep it moving?  You decide…

It seems that dating takes too much work…it should be fun right?  I remember when I was in college a guy friend said that dating is expensive.  I can definitely see how that could be true from a man’s perspective.  If he’s a gentleman, then he’s all about paying for the dinner, movie, and/or lunch, the outing.  I’ve always said that daters should become more creative.  There are lots of free ways to date which happen to be more romantic than spending lots of money on food that’s not always that good anyway.  Dating, choosing, and finding our mate takes time and balance.  If you live a balanced life, then you can attract a balanced Mate.  Unfortunately, life will throw plenty of challenges at us everyday.  In our effort to stay sane, life will affect the way we interact with our potential mates.  Do you date more than one person at a time?  It all depends on if you have the time to right; and again it can get expensive.  Maybe the first or second date could be a trip to the gym or a nice walk in the park; or maybe to church.  What’s most important in dating is finding common ground.  You have to have some things in common.  No, it doesn’t have to be everything in common; that could be quite boring.  You have to be able to talk to and communicate with your ideal Mate; and you will find early on if you mesh well with or are compatible with this person.
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I always say…just be you!  Your potential will love you even more if you know who you are; what you’re willing to accept; and what you stand for!  Good luck in love and dating! And please have fun!  Stay focused; stay purposed; and Be True to You!  I love you all!
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 –Dr. Rae ❤

STL Author’s New Book Takes a Unique Journey Through Love

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STL Author’s New Book Takes a Unique Journey Through Love
by Raegan Johnson

Like many women, Raechel Rivers, 32, grew up with dreams of meeting prince charming, having a few kids and living happily ever after.  But, roughly 42 percent of African American women have never been married—and Rivers is one of them.

“When I reached my late twenties, I began to wonder when is it going to happen?” she says. “I watched friends get married, fall in love, and I wondered why my time hadn’t come. Then I realized I was on a journey toward love, but it didn’t involve anyone else.”

Rivers’ new book, Journey to Self; Journey to Love, is a collection of personal poems, thoughts, and blog entries from her journey through love.

“This book portrays a young woman crossing over from the confusion of adolescence to the responsibility of womanhood–with a sense of self-knowledge,” she says. “In my search for love, I’ve continued to make a full circle back to myself and my Creator. Some of the stories are sad and some funny, but all are worth sharing.”

Journey to Self; Journey to Love is available for $13.99 on Authorhouse.com or $14.99 at Barnes & Noble and on Amazon.com.

“When blogging first became popular, I would post my reflections and thoughts about love and dating,” she says.  “I received a lot of positive feedback. People were inspired and could relate. They suggested that I document what I was posting.  So I did, and it became my book; sort of like a journal.”

Rivers says writing the book was liberating as she faced inner struggles and learning to love herself.

“Through the book, I was able to move forward without dwelling on failed relationships and develop new, healthy relationships. This book is geared more toward single women; but it is also for anyone who wants to discover or re-discover how to love their own person, love God and love others.”

With so many love and relationship books on the market, Rivers says authenticity makes her book stand out.

“I keep it real!” she said.  “I do not sugarcoat how it feels to be single. I do not sugarcoat what single women go through in finding ourselves and navigating through dating and relationships.  I’m not afraid of the truth; it is what sets me free.”

For Rivers, Journey to Self; Journey to Love is just the beginning.

“I’m working on the Self-Love Handbook as a follow-up book,” she said.  “It is more of a guidebook than a tell-all. I am also working on a possible fiction book and a screenplay.”

Follow Rivers’ blog on https://drrae.wordpress.com, www.twitter.com/raeluvs2write, www.youtube.com/drraelovecoach.

Interracial Dating Is the New Black!

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Interracial dating is the new black; trend; black woman.  Yep, I said it!  For the past decade or so, we have given Brothas such a difficult time on their decisions to date outside of their race; well not all Brothas made that decision.  The argument has been that black women need to test the waters and look for love beyond the black community as well.  There is nothing new under the sun and interracial dating, mating, and relating is definitely not new; however, with the energy of the Earth’s evolution we are beginning to see more people make “the swap” as one brother, a friend of mine, put it.  So why are Sistas, myself included, such a hot commodity; most coveted yet most exploited?  How can society, the media, build us up and tear us down all in one breath?  She is the mother of all.  There is no denying history or DNA for that matter.

We are all one people; you know we 80s babies are a special kind.  We grew up singing “we are the world”; and our 90s babies are truly the rebels seeking the truth and using our digital world to continue the we are all one under a religion of love message.  God, our Creator, is love!  Who is going to be left behind in this truth seeking movement?  Anyone holding on to old ideals, religious orders of control, darkness, or evil; spreading lies about who we are and our potential power through Christ Consciousness.  The power to be, have, and do; to be all that we can be; but not in the army.  I’m just saying; the war within will not end; but can be mastered.  Principles must be applied for the achievement and attainability of who we can be as a society as a whole.  It is going to take the power of love to do this.  The power to ascend, and we need all people despite race, religion, or creed in order to accomplish the goal. 

How does Dr. Rae fit in with all this love talk?  I remember about 10 years ago my Aunt advised me to go get me an “other”; but she has lived in San Francisco at most twenty years where multicultural dating practices are widespread.  I was living in rural Oklahoma at the time and attending an HBCU (Historically Black College and University).  The chances were slim for me to look for or attract someone outside of my race; let’s just say I was living in a box of chocolates. 😉  Presently, I never thought that I’d encounter cultural love collaborations in segregated St. Louis; not where I’m from.  We lived in the same neighborhoods; we went to school together; we worked together, church, etc; but you weren’t bringing an other to the Senior Prom or Homecoming Dance.  (You would think I was talking about the South, huh?)  My how things have changed; and now that I’ve been back home for about nine months, I see that we still have a long way to go.

I represent the black woman who is studying the religion of love.  There is something new to learn everyday.  How does this relate to dating?  Well before as I mentioned in my book Journey to Self: Journey to Love, I had a long laundry list; those characteristics, race, height, and credentials of who I wanted to bring home to my parents.  But I must say that in the true religion that is love and with an open mind, the laundry list has gone out the window.  How about just desiring a man who was created to love you?  So will he show up short, stumpy, and green?  LOL!  Maybe…but yet he is beautiful…2012 has been filled with many love surprises, I must confess! 😉  My mission was not to find or attract someone outside of my race, but a couple of someones showed up for me to be able to tell you that love will find you…and that it can show up unexpectedly in a packaging that you weren’t looking for.  They say that “love is blind”…yes, it should be…we must see with our heart and with our eyes of faith or we will miss the sole (soul) purpose of our religion of love!

So interracial dating is the new black woman because she realizes her worth; and that any man of any race who can appreciate all that she is, and the depths of her soul and spiritual beauty, is worthy of her gifts; his gift from God.

 

Black Love

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Dive deeply into the waters of my soul;
Man is not willing to take that risk.
He will drown in my love,
My deep dark black love,
He is afraid of my love.

When it consumes him,
He will die in my love.
So dive deeply into my love,
My deep dark black love,
Black man consume me with your love;

But first we must die to self…
That’s the only way we can know love.
Free yourself; for there is liberty in love.
Love yourself; for there is happiness in love.
Forgive yourself; for there is healing in love.

Dive deeply into the waters of my soul,
And there I will meet you;
Where God resides…

 
©Free Your Mind 2011

 

Ask Dr. Rae: “Why Am I Not Married Yet?”

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From February 26, 2011

Hey All!  One of my readers contacted me with this question.  And guess what?  He’s a 30 year old guy!  So I’ve decided to turn this into a blog response more so than an individual response to my friend.  We all, single people, find ourselves posing this question from time to time.  I’ll say that even as a guy, he has a right to ask this question.  My girlfriends and I discuss this topic often and we feel that it’s easier for guys than it is for women to get married.  Why?  Because traditionally the man is supposed to do all/most of the initiating in a relationship.  Sure I’ve thought about proposing…but that is crazy to me and unnatural for me.  I don’t think a woman should put herself out there like that…maybe that’s the old-fashioned girl mentality in me.  I wonder how my guy readers would feel about a woman proposing to him?  But let’s talk about the basics first; you have to be “in a relationship” first before you can consider or talk about marriage.  And we know from experience how difficult it can be just to get a serious commitment.

So let me break this down into 5 Principles that could be affecting why we are not married:

1)       You might not be ready.

You think you are ready, but really you are not.  On the other hand, you could think that you aren’t ready, but really you are.  For me personally, I desire to be married…just not today.  Now this has nothing to do with me “sowing royal oats”…that’s what my 20s were for.  I just have some work to do…work on my life purpose.  As you all know, I’m graduating from school this year with my second advanced degree.  So now, I’m preparing for work and to start building my life.  You may have already completed your education and could be well into an established life so now you think you’re ready, but this isn’t always the case.  Sometimes we carry around pain and heartache from past relationships that we don’t even realize we are carrying.  If we don’t release our past, it affects the way our future plays out.  We attract that which we are.  This is why the Self-Love journey is so important…to cleanse us from all past hurts.

2)       You don’t know what you want.

We all know what we don’t want in a Mate or relationship, but have we clearly defined what we do want.  I honestly feel that I’ve narrowed it down to my long list man!  LOL!  Once we decide what we want, we shouldn’t waver from that because this will send mixed messages to the Universe.  No one is perfect…but we definitely want someone who will be a mirror image (on the inside) of ourselves.  This may take some time to investigate who we really are as a person.  As we work on who we are, we will desire to see those same things in our Mate.  Write it down if you have to.  Create a Vision Board.  I’ve been working on mine this year.  It involves what I want for my career, wealth, health, love, etc; my ideal life and my ideal Mate.  By looking at this board (click on the link) everyday it helps me to believe in the manifestation of what/who I truly desire. 

3)       You may need a sabbatical.

For info on the sabbatical, go back and view what I wrote about my Un-Valentine’s Day.  Sometimes a sabbatical is in order.  If you know that you don’t just want or can’t handle a physical relationship…don’t go there, and don’t settle for the booty-call.  For me physical relationships have never manifested or lasted as real relationships.  Don’t feel bad about a sabbatical.  Hey, I’m on one right now…mainly because the one I truly desire is miles away…but there is a Divine Appointment and Divine Timing for every event that takes place in your life.  Trust the Universe and Trust God!  Sabbaticals are good for taking the time out to heal in between relationships…you get to know yourself better; you get closer to God if you are a spiritual person; and you also get to clearly define what you really want in a Mate and from a relationship. 

4)       Bad timing.

As I stated earlier, divine timing is everything.  There may be some other things that you need to focus on that being married may hinder you from completing.  You may have already met the person who you are going to marry, but the timing could be off…it is never wise to try and figure out why things aren’t occurring the way you want them to; your job is to figure out how you can heal and let the past go…and how you can truly live your life to the fullest with or without a Mate.  It sounds cliché’, but they say “it happens when you are not looking” or that you will “just know” when you’ve met this person.  It won’t be perfect when it happens, but it will be perfect for you and the other person. 

5)       It’s time to BELIEVE!

So now you are telling me, Dr. Rae, I’ve done all these things.  I’ve released the past; I know my life purpose; I know what I want; I’ve mastered myself; I’m ready so where is my Mate?  If you have implemented all of my suggestions, then it’s time for you to have unwavering faith.  It’s time for you to expect this person that you so desire to manifest into your life.  That’s it!!  Believe that you are worthy of this person.  Believe that this person is waiting for and looking for you too!

Let me add…while you are waiting, do not compare yourself and your relationship situations to those of your friends.  We all have our own life path to walk out with specific lessons to learn.  Your story may inspire someone else…your healing and heartache; and how you have overcome that may help someone else.

As I continue to become your personal Love Coach and Expert, I will be referencing some books and authors who also advocate the Self-Love walk.  Now is the time for us to heal…

After my book comes out, there will be no more free advice lol!  So get all your questions in now!  Thanks to all for participating and giving the Dr. something to do!  I love you all!

–Rae*

Note- My first response was extra-lengthy so I shortened it for blogging purposes.