Category Archives: text messages

Social Media Do’s & Don’ts

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eyes computerAm I the only one in a love/hate relationship with social media these days? At times I find myself spending too much time on sites such as Facebook and Twitter, and being less productive in my personal and business goals as a result. Does that sound like you? In order to overcome this challenge in the new year, I’ve created some social media guidelines in order to discipline myself and the time that I spend on such sites. These suggestions for participating online are my attempt to intervene social media addiction. Having an online presence is a great networking and marketing tool for business; finding like-minded groups of people with similar hobbies/interests; and for staying in touch with family and old colleagues. However, individuals should assess the time they spend online and if it’s making him or her counterproductive. An intervention may be necessary; as I mentioned in an article post on Yahoo Voices, “Social Media Burn Out: Do You Need An Intervention?”. It is my hope that these unspoken rules will help me maintain focus and monitor time spent online for greater productivity in my life because “time is money”. Enjoy!

1) Do give yourself a weekly or daily time limit. It can be addictive; so all day everyday is not cool. There’s a real world going on outside of social media.

2) Don’t use it to communicate with close family and friends—unless it’s only for fun.  Talking on the telephone is more intimate, and sending a text message is more personal than communicating online; even in business.

3) Do use it for positive social networking, business connections, and promotions. You never know who you might meet that can invest in your business idea or become a potential client, customer, business colleague, or employer.

4) Don’t use it to “vent” about your personal life or personal business unless it’s funny lol. Remember every one of your FB friends or Twitter followers is not necessarily your real friend; some of them are just lurkers and “haters”.

5) Do use it to keep current with media, social, and world news; especially if you don’t have a TV like me. I’m going to get one of those antenna devices this year and get some local news and TV programs running so that I know what’s going on in the world.
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6) Don’t over-post random shit. Your Timeline is constantly being bombarded by randomness from you, your friends, celebrity and support group pages you follow. Give it a rest sometimes. If you are annoyed by some of the same posts that you see all day everyday, people are probably annoyed by your posts as well.

7) Death to the “Selfie”. I am guilty as charged on this one. If you must take selfies, pictures of yourself, personal photo shoots in your bathroom, just text the selfie to a friend, boyfriend, or girlfriend. Resist the urge to constantly post them on your social media sites; even Instagram, because some people are lurking or could be stalking you without your knowledge. I’ve watched enough “Criminal Minds” and “Lifetime” movies to believe that serial killers do exist. I have over 100 selfies stored in my phone and all of them have not been posted online, but many of them have. I’m thinking of deleting some of them off of my Facebook page and saving them to my computer’s hard drive. If you happen to go through an introverted social media phase, don’t become the “lurker” or stalker yourself because you really don’t have time for it.

8) Don’t use it as a public display of your relationship status especially if it changes weekly and “it’s complicated”. Social media has turned us all into V.I.P.s so stop being the headliner of the day or week. I’d love to change my status from “single” and post lovey-dovey pictures, but I have none to post. Suit yourself on that one.

9) Do use it to check-in with old classmates and networks from past jobs, church, or groups with whom you’ve been affiliated . Your former colleagues may have job leads or information about a city to which you want to relocate. I believe in its inception some of these social media sites were created for these purposes only. There was one called “Classmates”. It pre-dates Facebook. Also, I remember when Facebook first began, you had to be a college student or in one of the school networks in order to join the site. Now it’s open to everyone and everything. Social media has definitely changed in the last ten years.

10) Don’t believe everything you see or read on there. Everyone is not who they say they are online. Don’t feel bad if your real life doesn’t match your online life. I believe in stretching the truth and acting as if to become all you desire to become; thereby creating the life that you desire. However, you don’t have to become a totally different person as some people online are doing. I believe this tidbit of advice will help those who are considering online dating, certain job posts, or Craigslist advertisements. Just be cautious overall when dealing with people you meet online. You won’t know who’s who until you actually meet them in person.

I Didn’t Get the Memo…

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Seven months…that’s how long I’ve known my “love interest”, newly titled “love friend”.  We have surpassed the 90 day mark; see previous post regarding the probationary period, and we are now in the grace period of said “no title phase”.  What is the memo that I didn’t receive you ask?  While I thought we were getting closer to the serious phase, meanwhile boo’s mind is far from thinking about an exclusive relationship with me.  Contrastingly, it has been discussed that he doesn’t want to necessarily hear about my relationships/dates with other guys, which have become non-existent circa a month and a half ago; but feels that he couldn’t object to those relationships since we are not together.  So I was definitely in agreement with that about a month ago when I still had other candidates on the brain, but up until about a month ago, I was in “diss” mode toward other men; where I subconsciously created a serious relationship in my own mind (I have a boyfriend, do I??).  In the midst of what boo was saying; I didn’t hear what he wasn’t saying that like him basically I can’t get upset if he is still seeing other people; but somewhere in there I thought we had a conversation where he said that he wasn’t really seeing anyone else.  My how the tide changes within weeks I’m assuming…we are all entitled to change our minds due to life or whatever contingencies.  He’s a guy, I shouldn’t have expected him to say that if some other young lady or circumstance came along that out of convenience or whatever hormones that he wouldn’t satisfy the urge to indulge himself in said new female.  We are not together remember?
Where did I go wrong initially, I didn’t believe him 7 months ago when he said he wasn’t looking for a relationship?  Did I think I could change him?  Did I think I was the one to help him forget about the last woman who hurt him?  I am not God…clearly I’m not…not trying to be either.  Did I not think that I would begin to have feelings for him?  Honestly, we were both in vulnerable states emotionally when we met.  So now what?  Where do we go from here?  We are not on the same page.  I’m looking for growth in a relationship that has become stagnant.  I can say that I want to be in a committed relationship, with him or just in a relationship?  Both.  Well, the him I’ve created in my head; not necessarily the him who in reality; no longer has time or makes time for, love, lunch, texting, talking or me.  Let’s just face it; I’m no longer the best thing since sliced bread or that new toy on Christmas Day.  Who am I and who have I become to him?  A friend?  The verdict is out on that one.  We have a friendship, yes…this is called the gray zone.  Regardless of what it is, the memo involves seeing and spending time with other people; and now I have to figure out how to mainstream myself back into the society of dating…

 I bought a book “The Breakup Book: A Girl’s Guide to Putting the Pieces Back Together”.  I know what you’re thinking, what?!  How is it that you’re broken up with someone you weren’t even with?  And aren’t you supposed to be the “Love Doctor”?  Yes, I am here to help you and give advice; seldom do I take my own advice.  This valley with my love friend feels like a breakup, and I decided to seek out some help on re-charging the blow to my ego.  The author, Diane Mastromarino., is giving me basically the same info that I give you, but sometimes I need to hear someone else say it.  Same message different messenger.  Besides, the book is funny and a short read only 47 pages with some great quotes.

I have to do whatever works, and what I had been doing between now and last month was unhealthy and could possibly ruin the gray zone of this potential relationship.  This is why it’s important not to put a time cap on love.  We have all kinds of baggage to sort through.  Women and men both come with bags in the post-30 dating world; and this is the reality of the situation.  We are not always going to be on the same page at the same time.  You can love someone and not like them…is this making any sense?  It’s helping me; because I’ve been giving this guy a hard time so I need to share my woes with a whole blog society rather than continue to send him texts about how I don’t understand why he wants to see other women; or whatever he’s doing that’s keeping him from being in a serious relationship with me.  He made a good point that being with me and cheating on me would be an option…wow! So true and we are too old for that! 

In all truth, I’m blessed to call him friend and grateful for his honesty.  This memo has been well received…
Will I see him again you ask, even without a commitment?  Is this worth riding out just a little bit longer?  Stay tuned…     

90 Days Probation: New Boo Is Your New Hire

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So you are still high off of the fresh new Boo you met a couple months ago…or are you?  Well, this is still the probationary period.  Let me tell you how it goes down:
The 1st 30 days:

He is fine, intelligent, has some money or knows how to get it.  This man has swept you off of your feet (showin it out) in the first two weeks, ten days to be exact, of knowing him.  You have the ultimate connection.  He listens when you speak; he adores you.  Y’all tweetin, talkin’, textin’, and Facebookin.  (The technology age).  The only part you heard God say was “be fruitful and multiply”; not that “fornicators wouldn’t see the kingdom of heaven”.  And you for dang sure didn’t listen to Steve Harvey when he told you to “Act Like a Lady, and Think Like Man”; something about “no cookies for 90 days”.  Since you didn’t put your cookies on ice or in the freezer or whatever, these first 30 days are like a Las Vegas wedding and honeymoon.  Quick, fun, and easy!  Pun intended!  *wink* So the rose-colored glasses are on, and he can do no wrong.  All is well!  Plenty of dates, plenty of communication, plenty of cookies and desserts to go around because he made it clear that “you don’t need a man, you need a champion”! (Eat, Pray, Love)  So your 90 days is clearly going to be different than the ones Steve, Granny, God and Momma prepped you for.  You 2012 women just make your own rules…no wonder we have less marriages and more sperm donors these days.  I’m just sayin, don’t shoot the messenger!

The 2nd 30 days:

You have become an online stalker trying to figure out Boo’s patterns, other women (potentials), and where he is when he’s not at work or with you; if he is some sort of “FB or Twitter whore”.  He’s still a gentleman explaining that those forms of social media are purely for entertainment; which he owes you no explanation because he’s not your man.  You are still on probation; remember because while you are putting your new hire to the test he’s also testing you Chica!  He has to change it up a little, and keep you guessing, because that’s what they do.  I mean, sister, you are supposed to be doing the same you know.  It’s so romantic to get caught up and give your all, but everyone, you and your beaux, loves a challenge.  So now you are feeling leery or a certain kind of way about Boo and your relationship.  It’s still a relationship/friendship; you just don’t have a commitment/title.  Boo has to find out where the crazy woman within you resides and what he can do to expose her, usually unintentionally (because I don’t really think guys think or strategize as much as we attempt to when it comes to dating).  Because in the first 30 days, both of your representatives showed up to Woo and Wow each other 😉  Now, Mr. New New is working, busy, with friends and family, etc; no time for talking on the phone; and minimal texts and tweets.  Wth?  Now what you gonna do girl?  Is he seeing someone else?  Is he really working or where he says he is?  Why is he not showing it out anymore?  You are thinking “this man has got it twisted!  He doesn’t really know me huh?  I can’t expose the crazy, insecure woman.  I’m too grown for that.”  So needless to say, your next 30 days is going to be interesting.  Since you didn’t listen to the advice of your elders, and you didn’t hear me out in “Journey to Self, Journey to Love”; this is how it must go down:

3rd month with your New Hire:
Because you were lost in the ideal of love, you neglected friends, family, and old Boos (and some of the new candidates who had been trying to get at you).  Now you have to come out of hiding, save face, and re-strategize.  New Boo may not be seeing someone else, he may really be busy working on his Master Plan, but where do you fit in with his schedule? (or maybe he just realized that he enjoys being single and not having to report to anyone; he’s not ready for a commitment; the relationship is still in its infancy)  Okay, so now you need a schedule, which you should have had in the first place, but we all come into these situations at different points in our lives, which is the beauty of it.  Some of us are work-a-holics and some of us may be unemployed.  So what to do while waiting for Boo?  You have to do what you didn’t do in the first 30 days when you dove head first into the sea of much-needed romance.  I have said it a thousand times; make yourself busy girl!  You don’t have to write a book, but there are tons of constructive things you can do rather than destructive.  Human Ego nature will want to call up those old Boos to go on dates, because the one you’d rather be with now has limited time to date you.  I mean keeping your options open is always an option right?  You are not in a committed relationship.  How will your new love feel about this?  Does he have to know?  It really depends on how you feel about him.  Does he make you want to “shut down your operation”?  Then calling the old loves is not the best decision.  If they call you, cool but there is a reason why you are no longer involved with that person.  We move forward not backward.  Ya know?  You definitely need to check in with your girls and get out and have a good time; and although you are not looking for someone new, you are probably going to attract someone new; which can be fun, but remember you have someone new in your life, who you happen to really like, and he is still on probation.  He has 30 more days to show you what the deal is.  I’m not saying that you are going to get the coveted relationship title in 90 days, but this does seem to be a great way to measure who this person is to you and in what capacity you would like him to be in your life;  and how long he wants you in his life.  You also have to remember that we all bring a certain amount of baggage to new relationships.  What happened with your last love interest?  Are you ready for a commitment?  What happened in his last relationship?  Is he ready?


Healing from past loves takes time.  If this man is worth it, you will give him an extension and grace period.  As women, we have to remember to stay in our lanes.  Never try to wear the pants in the relationship.  Show him that you are the smart, beautiful, prize that he first met; not by acting out on Twitter, not by serial texting him about his Twitter, but just by being you…it’s like when you first meet a man and he expresses his interest in you.  Somehow, me being the “Queen of Hearts” and Love Doctor that I am, I have ingrained in my Soul that there is something extra that I have to do to get and keep my man.  The truth, there is nothing that we “have” to do.  The desperate energy of women today is leading us to believe that there is a shortage of men, and that we are in a competition especially with the reality, “non-reality” shows on the snooze tube.  But I don’t buy into that…I know I’m a prize and should operate as such.  A real man, no a champion will recognize your beauty, grace, and confidence.  That’s how you attract and keep him.  All you have to do is show up!  Let him pursue you…let him show you the champion he is; if he is one; let him move mountains for you!  You are a woman…be treated and carry yourself as such!  You may be “a fool for love”, but you ain’t no fool…

So in the last 30 days, will you and your new love interest Fizzle or Sizzle?  Will you keep your new hire around for permanent employment?  Does he want the job?  He will let you know by his actions…and if not, you will have to take new applications.  Simple?  Not always, but life is short and three months of your life should be enjoyed in this process.  If he is a champion, and he decides that he wants you, he knows that the clock is ticking…I wish him luck!  😉

Single & Ovulating: Post Menstrual Depression or Let’s Get It On?

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Now that I’m 30 there are so many more topics I can be very candid about; especially as I continue to study life, love, and myself.  So today I’m here to discuss Post Menstrual (Period) Depression (PMD).  We’ve all heard of PMS, but what about this touchy subject which concerns the time after a menstrual cycle when you ovulate.  Does this sound like you?

 1)      You are ready to “Get It On” like Marvin Gaye.

 2)      You don’t have a boyfriend (Man) or Husband, and because of feeling so good and extra on the inside, you are ready to get it on with the next man who walks by.

 3)       You are irrational (not even thinking clearly) because your body is saying one thing (it’s time to pro-create) but your mind is saying…you’re single and you’re 30, and you’re ready to settle down so having sex with the next man who walks by (animal instinct) would not be a great idea.

 4)      You are frustrated (depressed) because you really want to get it on, but not with just anybody; not the new guy; not the old guy; and not with the young guy who doesn’t practice safe sex; because you decided to stop taking your birth control pills since you’re not getting any…nights like this you wish you were married or at least in a serious relationship.     

 So, what do we do in the event of days like this…

 As I type this quick note, I’m actually on my way to take a very hot bath…I need to get my mind off of procreating…LOL!! So that my irrational body-mind does not try to sleep with the next man walking by…It’s perfectly natural to feel how you feel because hey, your body was designed to pro-create “be fruitful and multiply”, but in our human minds especially now that the 20’s have ended…we must be clear about bringing our desire of not wanting to be single into manifestation.  So here’s what you do on nights like this…

 1)      Take a hot bath.

 2)      Call your girlfriends and vent about the men you are “dating” or don’t presently have access to…discuss the fact that you are ovulating, but not quite ready for children or more children…and how you no longer want to be single especially on nights like this.

 3)      Randomly text your “boo” or all of your boos…past and present…this will help to alleviate the depression…and maybe clear up mis-understandings of why they are no longer in your life…I am way more confident and aggressive when I’m ovulating.  Go Figure!  Like a Lioness!  LOL!

 4)      If your boo is long-distance, be grateful for multi-media messages, but also be careful because this type of “freaky” picture sending may only frustrate you and him.

 5)      If you just can’t stand being alone during this week of being “fertile” and ready to make babies, you have my permission to make that booty call!  Can you believe the Love Doctor is giving you the okay?  OMG!  For heavens sakes, it’s natural so don’t condemn yourself.  Just be extra careful about who you decide to hook-up with.  a) Definitely don’t make it the next man who walks by…unless he meets your criteria.  b) You may want to call the guy who you know only wants to have sex with you; unless it’s already an unhealthy relationship that needs to end.  c) Please don’t call the under-aged young man who has been hitting on you and wants to treat you like “Stella”…you haven’t lost your groove yet, you are only 30 or so…d) Protect yourself…especially if you don’t want a baby or an STD by a “random” guy.   

 Okay folks…this is my keep it real topic of the day!  Take a big *sigh*, read a book, find something positive to do if you can avoid making any booty calls.  This too shall pass…and as long as you desire not to be single…it will manifest in due time.  Meanwhile…take care of yourself!

 –Love ya! 

 Oh yeah…and the men don’t have to know that you are ovulating unless you tell them…they will wonder why you are being extra flirty or have an attitude…not getting any works both ways…I’m sure we all prefer the flirty side!  😉  

 *Note- “Relations” is not always the equivalent of a “Relationship”; so know what you really want before you decide to make that call!

 **Use these guidelines once a month until you meet your “Mr. Right”, or you are ready to conceive; whichever occurs first! 🙂

Digital Love

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Has technology enhanced or complicated our love and dating relationships?

Now this is a topic I have been wanting to discuss for some time. When you hear the phrase, what do you automatically think? E-harmony? Match.com? Facebook? Myspace? Online dating…Internet dating…the virtual hook-up…well whatever you think of, it’s all the same. Do you really think that people are “networking” on myspace and facebook? (Some are…either that or being nosy, trying to see what past lovers are up to and if he or she is married/in a relationship what have you) That’s just something you say when you don’t want to seem desperate for a date…”networking” yeah I’m making some assumptions here…lol Anyway, how is the digital environment affecting the dating scene? I will tell you my thoughts, and then let me know what you think.

I think online dating/mating is and can be fun. Yes, I’ve tried it! Lol “networking”. If you’ve never met the person before, it can be a lil scary, especially upon the first meeting. You don’t know what to expect, and you pray that the person is really who they say they are or the same person as the picture on their profile. Beware of people who try to “holla” who don’t post a pic at all. I don’t think anyone is that silly, but you never know. If you are meeting someone you met online for the first time in person, please bring a friend…and try not to just make it a “hook-up” unless that’s just what you are on (protect yourself).

Some of the benefits of the digital love world include e-mail, texting, instant messaging, and video/camera phones and web cams (I don’t have one of those), these amenities aid in keeping in touch especially for long distance relationships. Yes, we’ve come along way from the pen pal method. This works if you met the person out and about or online. The only disadvantage is that sometimes these methods can replace the need for “real” time or even just time on the phone. Believe you me, “there is nothing like the real thing baby” so the lil cute daily texts and e-mails are enough to sustain you while you’re at work or doing whatever it is that you do. When it’s all said and done though, these ways of communicating get you ready for the real time. Do you agree?

In reality, some relationships need not go any further than digital. Sometimes it’s just flirting…but when signals get crossed it can become hazardous…I mean you could really be feeling a person, but do you really know them if you’ve never really spent time with them or even talked to them on the phone? The digital world does help us with our busy schedules. Sometimes it’s just easier to drop a quick e-mail than actually spend time on the phone. This type of communication has turned me into a non-phone person. When it comes down to it, dating digitally or physically is just like this song my girl always sings “if your heart isn’t in it…” But it’s true…”where your treasure (time, money…emphasis mine) is, there also will your heart be” (Matt 6:21). So what are you making an investment in? Are you really just networking and having fun, or are you really trying to get to know someone? Or just making an online booty call? LOL! Regardless of your dating methods, the intentions of your heart will be revealed.